debbieperez55

That is fantastic that you Dr gave you the heads up. You should do liquid for a while after a fill anyway. Wow, you had another fill. I think I am at my max, lot less than you have. Do you have problem with sliming or PB. I never thought I would have a problem, but I had to go on a liquid after my last "sliming" incident. After all this time, I still mess up. Mindless, emotion eating. Good Luck on your "jump start". Sometimes it is just enough to get our bodies going again. Take care :smile2: Debbie

Don't beat yourself up about the "pig out". After I met with the surgeon I was told I had to loose weight. I wanted to, I intended to, but I ate like crazy. All those things I thought I would miss. Then it hit me, if I didn't loose weight my liver would not shrink and right in the middle they would just close me up. So I called the nutritionist and went on a self imposed semi liquid diet. Two or Three protien drinks and a sensable dinner. Funny, it was so easy. I became motivated. Now ask me about exercise, I didn't do a thing until the day after my surgery. I started out not being able to walk further than out the walk and one house and back. Within a month I was walking miles. My surgery was 9-23-08 and I have not eaten bread, rice, candy or sugar. I will eat yams because they are not "potatos, which is one step from mashed. I am now almost a vegetarian. I have to eat moist meat, so once a month a good steak, small portion, chicken thigh or fish. Lots and lots of fish. No egg yoke, only whites, and lots of oatmeal. I have developed food alergies, not due to the band, I am just weird. So I now drink Rice Milk or Almond Milk. Is it worth it, would I do it again? In a heart beat. Every time I see my surgeon I cry and tell him he saved my life. It is not a magic cure, but it is a tool, a wonderful, lovely tool. And I wore my bathing suit today. I felt great, I was a little shy and embarrassed, but it was fantastic. I wish you the best. Take care. Let me know how you are doing. Debbie

There is nothing like the stark, naked truth. You and the mirror. Mortal enemy, always truthful, always brutal. Today I purchased a swim suit. Someone told me to get a bikini. OMG - did they want everyone to run screaming from the pool? They do not realize what lurks beneath the safety of clothing.......... They don't know, and they never could even imagine. The brutal truth is that as I am in a smaller total size, BUT - I still have all the skin that covered my 289 pound frame. I have skin that sags behind my knees, my ass in at my knees and my - please excuse me for being brutal, my boobs are as my Band Buddie told me in the begining - two wet tube socks hanging from my chest. I have no idea why, but all the fat is gone from my tush. There is nothing there, flat as a board, no wonder it hurts to sit on hard chairs. And as I have mentioned before I have "turkey flap arms". And since we are looking in the mirror lets not forget that lovely turkey neck. It started out just being wrinkled, now my cats could hide in the folds............. The naked truth is that there is skin everywhere. It hangs and it wiggles and it jiggles, just like JELLO. If you took my butt and pulled all the skin tight you could make it to my shoulders, well almost. "Just get a tummy tuck or a body lift", they, the thin never fat tell me. Yeah, just cut it off, lift it up and have seams running down your thighs, under arms and tummy. And let's not forget to mention the $20k price tag! The honest truth is that I am at times so angry at myself for letting it (fat and overeating) get so out of control. How could I have done that to myself. But then the stark truth, the light of day truth, the look how far you have come truth takes over. The real truth is that I am lucky to be alive. So today when I tried on a size 14 swim suite and it was big in the tush, I went out and picked up that 12. IT FIT. DID YOU HEAR ME - IT FIT!!!!! And as I stood there looking in the mirror it dawned on me that the skin is my badge of honor. It is my proof that I have survived and overcame. It is me, all of me. It is the sneak eating of the past, it is the never being full, Being able to eat half a cow, and still eat some more. It is the high blood pressure and diabetes and heart attack. It is my ex husband telling my daughter that I was revulting and that he couldn't stand to look at me after 22 years. That skin is proof that I am alive that I made it, that heart disease didn't kill me. That skin is proof that I can succeed, I CAN SUCCEED!! So tomorrow as I put that suit on and walk to that pool I will jiggle in pride. My arms will flap, my thighs will woosh and everything will sway. But I made it. I may not be 135 pounds like Weight Watchers always said I had to be, but I can wear a normal size. And I am healthy! When it comes time, I will stand up tall, walk into that pool at my Daughter's Condo, in front of all those strangers, and I will hold my head up high. I am beautiful, I am beautiful, I am beautiful. Maybe if I say it enough, I will truely believe. Mirror mirror on the wall..............

There is nothing like the stark, naked truth. You and the mirror. Mortal enemy, always truthful, always brutal. Today I purchased a swim suit. Someone told me to get a bikini. OMG - did they want everyone to run screaming from the pool? They do not realize what lurks beneath the safety of clothing.......... They don't know, and they never could even imagine. The brutal truth is that as I am in a smaller total size, BUT - I still have all the skin that covered my 289 pound frame. I have skin that sags behind my knees, my ass in at my knees and my - please excuse me for being brutal, my boobs are as my Band Buddie told me in the begining - two wet tube socks hanging from my chest. I have no idea why, but all the fat is gone from my tush. There is nothing there, flat as a board, no wonder it hurts to sit on hard chairs. And as I have mentioned before I have "turkey flap arms". And since we are looking in the mirror lets not forget that lovely turkey neck. It started out just being wrinkled, now my cats could hide in the folds............. The naked truth is that there is skin everywhere. It hangs and it wiggles and it jiggles, just like JELLO. If you took my butt and pulled all the skin tight you could make it to my shoulders, well almost. "Just get a tummy tuck or a body lift", they, the thin never fat tell me. Yeah, just cut it off, lift it up and have seams running down your thighs, under arms and tummy. And let's not forget to mention the $20k price tag! The honest truth is that I am at times so angry at myself for letting it (fat and overeating) get so out of control. How could I have done that to myself. But then the stark truth, the light of day truth, the look how far you have come truth takes over. The real truth is that I am lucky to be alive. So today when I tried on a size 14 swim suite and it was big in the tush, I went out and picked up that 12. IT FIT. DID YOU HEAR ME - IT FIT!!!!! And as I stood there looking in the mirror it dawned on me that the skin is my badge of honor. It is my proof that I have survived and overcame. It is me, all of me. It is the sneak eating of the past, it is the never being full, Being able to eat half a cow, and still eat some more. It is the high blood pressure and diabetes and heart attack. It is my ex husband telling my daughter that I was revulting and that he couldn't stand to look at me after 22 years. That skin is proof that I am alive that I made it, that heart disease didn't kill me. That skin is proof that I can succeed, I CAN SUCCEED!! So tomorrow as I put that suit on and walk to that pool I will jiggle in pride. My arms will flap, my thighs will woosh and everything will sway. But I made it. I may not be 135 pounds like Weight Watchers always said I had to be, but I can wear a normal size. And I am healthy! When it comes time, I will stand up tall, walk into that pool at my Daughter's Condo, in front of all those strangers, and I will hold my head up high. I am beautiful, I am beautiful, I am beautiful. Maybe if I say it enough, I will truely believe. Mirror mirror on the wall..............

Thank you all so much

Seems that the culpret is Whey and Milk. Dr told me that you can develop allergies at any time in your life. AT 50, yes at 50. So I am back on egg whites, no dairy, no whey. I can eat egg whites and oatmeal for dinner, Dr thinks that is great. Still have some gas issues, go next week to the Dr and we will discuss. He had me back track and all of this started when Costco quit selling EAS protien powder and I had to switch to another brand that they carried. It was downhill from there. And once the allergy began it went nuts. So egg yokes, no, egg whites, yes. Oh and the soy, it seems that 25% of people who are alergic to Whey are sensative to Soy Products. I was shooting myself in the foot trying to make it better. So now I drink Rice or Almond Milk and I stick to some of the super grains. I do endulge in Chocolate Almond Milk/Drink. It is fantastic! I told Dr, I have to have my chocolate. What is funny is that he is okay with the Chocolate Almond drink. It has some sugar, but all in all I am healthy and I follow his directions. Hope this helps. I am the exception, not the rule. As I get older I have developed more alergies. And some are for things I have used for years and then all of a sudden, I am alergic. Go Figure

I guess I wanted a relationship so badly with my Mom that I started to sacrafice myself, AGAIN. She even began telling me what I could eat or not eat, what I should wear and how I should cut my hair. She even said that I needed to do something with my midsection, it is really too big. HELLO, can you say excess skin!!!!! And for some reason my port sticks out. But I am okay with it, I really am. My hubby says, hey look how far you have come. The hanging skin doesn't bother him in the least. I am the same person he married, I weigh a lot less, but all the skin is still there. Getting back to this, I didn't see her last Friday and I haven't spoken to her since Tuesday. It is as if a weight has been lifted. She would keep dragging me in deeper and deeper into her twisted world. She would tell me that my Dad was in bed with her last night. Then she would tell me how much she missed him and how she wished she was with him. Now you should know my Mom is the center of her world, she has a habbit of making everything revolve around her. So is should be no surprise that she alienates those around her. My younger brother did not speak to her for year due to her abuse. My older brother lives up north and is far enough away to be "away from it all" Even still when she went up to visit with them she got upset because he suggested that she get involved, she get up and exercise or just do something. My brother really pissed her off when he said that she should go walking with me. And the topper was when he suggested that she also get the band. She has gained at least 50 pounds in the last 6 months. But she would rather complain than do something for herself. She will not go to a Senior center, she doesn't like all the old people and she will not get active. She sits on her couch and does nothing except complain about the faults of those around her. So to say that I feel liberated is an understatement. Do I feel sorry that I have cut off ties, after all she is old and she is my Mother, NO - I do not. My Mother told my Daughter that it was her fault that I was so heavy. She would look at my Daughter and say, you sure have large hips for someone your size. Daughter is 5'4" and 110 pounds. Very petite and a size 3. Mom is 5'3" and at least 250. She is pear shapped and I helped her get some capri. I had her try a 3x. I know what size I was and I know what size she is. They fit perfectly. She INFORMED me "chastized me" that I had given her the wrong size. She does not wear a 3x, so she returned them. So all my life I could do nothing correctly. If I vaccumed the floor, it was not done correctly. If I cooked dinner, I had not done it correctly. If I washed the dishes, I did not do them correctly. So I grew up knowing I was a complete failure. It took two years of therapy to get myself back and then I threw it all away because I felt guilty that my Father had died. Well no more. I guess I need to take a page from my brothers. She will be alone, but it is a lonelyness of her own making. She drove us away with her abuse. What would you do if you mother told you when you were a very young child that she didn't want you, you can go live with your father, they were fighting. And of course there is the one that will stay in my mind forever - I wish you had never been born. I countered with - you should have had an abortion. Not the most adult, but a knife just the same. So it seems you cannot swallow the past. You cannot go on from a point and ignore all the hurt and pain of the past. The source of the pain remains You didn't cure anything, you just burried your head in the sand. My Mother is a cruel and mean person. She is manipulative and nacasistic (not sure of the spelling on that). She cares for only herself and will do things that put herself in the good light. She has both physically and mentally abused me, my brothers, my children, my grandchildren and worse of all my FATHER. Now she will reap what she has sewn. I will not be a part of this madness any longer. I will spend my days in more productive ways, loving my husband, my children and my grandchildren. I am going to spend the time I was devoting to her to them. I think it will be time well spent. This will be the last blog about her. I have spent enough time on this subject and it is time to more on. Thank you for letting my feelings be vented through this forum.

I guess I wanted a relationship so badly with my Mom that I started to sacrafice myself, AGAIN. She even began telling me what I could eat or not eat, what I should wear and how I should cut my hair. She even said that I needed to do something with my midsection, it is really too big. HELLO, can you say excess skin!!!!! And for some reason my port sticks out. But I am okay with it, I really am. My hubby says, hey look how far you have come. The hanging skin doesn't bother him in the least. I am the same person he married, I weigh a lot less, but all the skin is still there. Getting back to this, I didn't see her last Friday and I haven't spoken to her since Tuesday. It is as if a weight has been lifted. She would keep dragging me in deeper and deeper into her twisted world. She would tell me that my Dad was in bed with her last night. Then she would tell me how much she missed him and how she wished she was with him. Now you should know my Mom is the center of her world, she has a habbit of making everything revolve around her. So is should be no surprise that she alienates those around her. My younger brother did not speak to her for year due to her abuse. My older brother lives up north and is far enough away to be "away from it all" Even still when she went up to visit with them she got upset because he suggested that she get involved, she get up and exercise or just do something. My brother really pissed her off when he said that she should go walking with me. And the topper was when he suggested that she also get the band. She has gained at least 50 pounds in the last 6 months. But she would rather complain than do something for herself. She will not go to a Senior center, she doesn't like all the old people and she will not get active. She sits on her couch and does nothing except complain about the faults of those around her. So to say that I feel liberated is an understatement. Do I feel sorry that I have cut off ties, after all she is old and she is my Mother, NO - I do not. My Mother told my Daughter that it was her fault that I was so heavy. She would look at my Daughter and say, you sure have large hips for someone your size. Daughter is 5'4" and 110 pounds. Very petite and a size 3. Mom is 5'3" and at least 250. She is pear shapped and I helped her get some capri. I had her try a 3x. I know what size I was and I know what size she is. They fit perfectly. She INFORMED me "chastized me" that I had given her the wrong size. She does not wear a 3x, so she returned them. So all my life I could do nothing correctly. If I vaccumed the floor, it was not done correctly. If I cooked dinner, I had not done it correctly. If I washed the dishes, I did not do them correctly. So I grew up knowing I was a complete failure. It took two years of therapy to get myself back and then I threw it all away because I felt guilty that my Father had died. Well no more. I guess I need to take a page from my brothers. She will be alone, but it is a lonelyness of her own making. She drove us away with her abuse. What would you do if you mother told you when you were a very young child that she didn't want you, you can go live with your father, they were fighting. And of course there is the one that will stay in my mind forever - I wish you had never been born. I countered with - you should have had an abortion. Not the most adult, but a knife just the same. So it seems you cannot swallow the past. You cannot go on from a point and ignore all the hurt and pain of the past. The source of the pain remains You didn't cure anything, you just burried your head in the sand. My Mother is a cruel and mean person. She is manipulative and nacasistic (not sure of the spelling on that). She cares for only herself and will do things that put herself in the good light. She has both physically and mentally abused me, my brothers, my children, my grandchildren and worse of all my FATHER. Now she will reap what she has sewn. I will not be a part of this madness any longer. I will spend my days in more productive ways, loving my husband, my children and my grandchildren. I am going to spend the time I was devoting to her to them. I think it will be time well spent. This will be the last blog about her. I have spent enough time on this subject and it is time to more on. Thank you for letting my feelings be vented through this forum.

My Mother. I feel comfortable writing this because she doesn't have a computer. I do not like talking about people behind their backs, but this is mostly for me, from me. My Mother is Mean and Self Centered. She always has been. No, I am not using this as a therapy couch, so I will just say that she is very Self Centered. My Father died 3 1/2 years ago. Part of me died too. I hadn't talked to my mother in two years. While my Father was in the hospital I vowed to make up with my Mother. We didn't speak of the "fight" or the issues that caused us to not speak. We went forward, leaving the past in the past. I went over to her house every Friday, helped her around the house. I was the only child who helped her out. My closest brother hasn't spoken to her in a couple years now. Well the past is never really in the past. Just like history the past will repeat itself. A leopard cannot change it's spots so to speak. So from the moment of my father death I wanted to do what I thought he would want, reconcile with my Mother. She was after all, all I had left. At first I would not allow her to walk all over me. I would stand up and put her in her place. Then I started going back to my old ways, giving in to keep the peace. My Mother's cruel streak reappeared, straight at my Daughter. My instincts kicked in. My Daughter was having her own drama, she worked, had a husband and a child, she goes to school part time and her Father In Law was terminally ill. He only had a few weeks to live. My Mother was upset that my Daughter did not drop what she was doing to return her calls. It didn't matter what else was going on, My Mother felt she came first. Even over a dying person. Then came the "door bell" incident. My Son In Law installed it, I bought it. It was a birthday present. You would think she would be grateful and thank me but she was unhappy and made me miserable because she was unahppy with the buzzer location. Instead of nicely telling me or anyone she attacked me about it. So I went and moved the damn thing. That was the begging of June. End of June, Mother bought my daughter a tomato plant and an upside down growing thing. Now she told my Son In Law that it was for Daughter's Birthday, one week later. Son In Law took that it was a surprise. My Mother TOLD Son In Law that he had to take that damn plant out of his truck quickly, as soon as they got home. That is the Saturday that Son In Law's Father took a turn for the worse. Daughter had to leave the party and go straight to her Father In Law's home. They were there until midnight. Tuesday My Mother bitched at me that my Daughter had not "thanked her" for the plant. It was such a nagging and complaining, I called my Daughter. She knew nothing of the plant. She asked her Husband who was shocked, told her he was told it was a surprise, he had hidded it and kept it alive. The next day I told my Mother about this. She went bullistic. I asked why she had to be so mean, they were going through a lot. Then she hit me with the YOU ALWAYS STICK UP FOR HER you never stick up for your son. And then came the final blow, she complained that they did not take the plant out of the truck as she had told them to. She was mad that they had gone straight to his dying father's house and had not gone home first to take that stupid plant out of the truck. She started bitching at me - So I hung up. It has gotten worse from there. Father In Law died, a horrible, painful death. Son In Law was there anytime my Mother needed something done around her house. SHE NEVER CALLED TO OFFER HER CONDOLENCES AND SHE DID NOT GO TO THE FUNERAL. We quit talking for those two years because of my Mother's self centeredness and cruelty. And then my Brother calls, Mom cried how mean I am, no one loves her and she is all alone. I told Brother what had happed. As long as I did and acted as my Mother wanted, all was fine. But as soon as I dared to question her, or ask her to be understanding to others, I was a bad daughter. The minute she was not the center of attention she had a fit. Pop, I tried. I tried harder than I thought I could to honor your wishes. I cannot do this any longer. She has pushed everyone away with her pettiness. I cannot keep the peace any longer. I cannot tolerate her abuse any longer. I took her mental and physical abuse for years and now I choose to end this, for my own sanity. So Pop, I am sorry. I'm sorry I let the family down, I am sorry I let you down, I just can't do this any longer. Pop I miss you more now than ever. I wish you were here to keep me safe. I love you Debbie For the rest, I will never speak to my Mother again. I tried to do the right thing, but when doing something "hurts" so badly, it is time to stop. Yes, it is mean, but it is healthy, healthy for me. I guess my brother will now have to take his turn taking care of her, I just cannot do it any longer. The past cannot be ignored. She has done some very CRUEL things to many people and I guess now she is just going to have to live with her actions.

My Mother. I feel comfortable writing this because she doesn't have a computer. I do not like talking about people behind their backs, but this is mostly for me, from me. My Mother is Mean and Self Centered. She always has been. No, I am not using this as a therapy couch, so I will just say that she is very Self Centered. My Father died 3 1/2 years ago. Part of me died too. I hadn't talked to my mother in two years. While my Father was in the hospital I vowed to make up with my Mother. We didn't speak of the "fight" or the issues that caused us to not speak. We went forward, leaving the past in the past. I went over to her house every Friday, helped her around the house. I was the only child who helped her out. My closest brother hasn't spoken to her in a couple years now. Well the past is never really in the past. Just like history the past will repeat itself. A leopard cannot change it's spots so to speak. So from the moment of my father death I wanted to do what I thought he would want, reconcile with my Mother. She was after all, all I had left. At first I would not allow her to walk all over me. I would stand up and put her in her place. Then I started going back to my old ways, giving in to keep the peace. My Mother's cruel streak reappeared, straight at my Daughter. My instincts kicked in. My Daughter was having her own drama, she worked, had a husband and a child, she goes to school part time and her Father In Law was terminally ill. He only had a few weeks to live. My Mother was upset that my Daughter did not drop what she was doing to return her calls. It didn't matter what else was going on, My Mother felt she came first. Even over a dying person. Then came the "door bell" incident. My Son In Law installed it, I bought it. It was a birthday present. You would think she would be grateful and thank me but she was unhappy and made me miserable because she was unahppy with the buzzer location. Instead of nicely telling me or anyone she attacked me about it. So I went and moved the damn thing. That was the begging of June. End of June, Mother bought my daughter a tomato plant and an upside down growing thing. Now she told my Son In Law that it was for Daughter's Birthday, one week later. Son In Law took that it was a surprise. My Mother TOLD Son In Law that he had to take that damn plant out of his truck quickly, as soon as they got home. That is the Saturday that Son In Law's Father took a turn for the worse. Daughter had to leave the party and go straight to her Father In Law's home. They were there until midnight. Tuesday My Mother bitched at me that my Daughter had not "thanked her" for the plant. It was such a nagging and complaining, I called my Daughter. She knew nothing of the plant. She asked her Husband who was shocked, told her he was told it was a surprise, he had hidded it and kept it alive. The next day I told my Mother about this. She went bullistic. I asked why she had to be so mean, they were going through a lot. Then she hit me with the YOU ALWAYS STICK UP FOR HER you never stick up for your son. And then came the final blow, she complained that they did not take the plant out of the truck as she had told them to. She was mad that they had gone straight to his dying father's house and had not gone home first to take that stupid plant out of the truck. She started bitching at me - So I hung up. It has gotten worse from there. Father In Law died, a horrible, painful death. Son In Law was there anytime my Mother needed something done around her house. SHE NEVER CALLED TO OFFER HER CONDOLENCES AND SHE DID NOT GO TO THE FUNERAL. We quit talking for those two years because of my Mother's self centeredness and cruelty. And then my Brother calls, Mom cried how mean I am, no one loves her and she is all alone. I told Brother what had happed. As long as I did and acted as my Mother wanted, all was fine. But as soon as I dared to question her, or ask her to be understanding to others, I was a bad daughter. The minute she was not the center of attention she had a fit. Pop, I tried. I tried harder than I thought I could to honor your wishes. I cannot do this any longer. She has pushed everyone away with her pettiness. I cannot keep the peace any longer. I cannot tolerate her abuse any longer. I took her mental and physical abuse for years and now I choose to end this, for my own sanity. So Pop, I am sorry. I'm sorry I let the family down, I am sorry I let you down, I just can't do this any longer. Pop I miss you more now than ever. I wish you were here to keep me safe. I love you Debbie For the rest, I will never speak to my Mother again. I tried to do the right thing, but when doing something "hurts" so badly, it is time to stop. Yes, it is mean, but it is healthy, healthy for me. I guess my brother will now have to take his turn taking care of her, I just cannot do it any longer. The past cannot be ignored. She has done some very CRUEL things to many people and I guess now she is just going to have to live with her actions.

Yesterday I tried on a pair of capri's from Walmart. Not the best quality and of course they were the stretch material. I picked up a 12/14 but then on impulse I picked up the 8/10. I know I don't fit into an 8/10 but I thought what the hell. I decied to try the smaller size first. The waist was snug going up my hips, but it was not an impossible journey either. I got them up. They were snug on my thighs (I had no idea they were so slim, giggly by slim). The down side, the waist cut in. But they fit in the tush. OH MY GOD --- they were on. A snug fit, would leave a mark on my waist, but they fit. If not for the hanging skin they would have fit. Of course I bought the larger 12/14, they were comfortable. But I have decided. I am going back. I am going to get those 8-10 and I am going to wear them in Vegas. Hubby said they made the tush look good, first pants that didn't bag in the bum. I will just wear a looser top to cover the little "muffin top" that was created. I know, vain, but OH MY GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. Hubby told me it doesn't matter the hanging skin, look where how far I have come. He loves me, all of me, hanging skin and all.

So those of you who might have read my last entry noticed I was having a HUGE problem with gas. Well, after switching to soy, cutting out all meat and taking stupid digestive enzymes that I got from GNC, the verdic is in. I had to go back to the Dr, the problem was getting worse. I was humilated and I couldn't stand myself. I prayed a lot at work and turned on my fan and took walks. Going to a store was always at a fast pace, stay ahead of the smell, exercising would just bring it on. So I cried and spoke to my Dr who turns out to be a pretty nice person after all. After all these years of saying Yeah Yeah Yeah and then ignoring what he said, I actually listen and follow his directions. And it turns out he is pretty smart too. I have developed food alergies. Turns out you can develope alergies at any time, any time. After 50+ years, I am now alergic to Milk and Milk product, good bye cheese and sugar free pudding. I am also alergic to Whey. That little gem is the major culpert. AND it turns out that 25% of those who are alergic to Whey are sensative to Soy. And did I mention that GNC almost killed me, those digestive enzymes they said I just had to take, had MILK in them. So now no more milk, dairy, cheese, pudding or products with Whey. No protien drinks at all. Now for the good news. Thank god for my Daughter. She suggested Rice Milk. I tried it, no way to drink it but in cereal it was pretty good. And chocolate was icky, but made with Cream of Wheat you almost had pudding. Then I found something wonderful. I am so excited. Almond "Milk". Okay not milk, but it is wonderful. And the CHOCOLATE is heaven. I told my Dr I had to have CHOCOLATE every day. He had no problem with that. Funny he had a problem 100 pounds ago. The Chocolate Almond beverage tastes delicious. It is fantastic and you can drink it from a glass. Gas, not totally gone, but I am no longer under investigation from the government for adding to global warming...... And remember my fear of not enought protien. Seems egg whites are my key. And last night I had a New York Steak and corn on the cob, no gas and I lost some weight. So now here I am, almost a vegetarian, but it is okay. I still have my chocolate, and my Dr said it is okay to eat cereal for dinner. Oatmeal and Cream of Wheat are not the bad boys you might think they are. And making my fake pudding with Chocolate Almond "milk" and cream of wheat is an excellent treat. I am down to 179 pounds this am. I have worked hard and I am proud of what I have done. :confused3:

So those of you who might have read my last entry noticed I was having a HUGE problem with gas. Well, after switching to soy, cutting out all meat and taking stupid digestive enzymes that I got from GNC, the verdic is in. I had to go back to the Dr, the problem was getting worse. I was humilated and I couldn't stand myself. I prayed a lot at work and turned on my fan and took walks. Going to a store was always at a fast pace, stay ahead of the smell, exercising would just bring it on. So I cried and spoke to my Dr who turns out to be a pretty nice person after all. After all these years of saying Yeah Yeah Yeah and then ignoring what he said, I actually listen and follow his directions. And it turns out he is pretty smart too. I have developed food alergies. Turns out you can develope alergies at any time, any time. After 50+ years, I am now alergic to Milk and Milk product, good bye cheese and sugar free pudding. I am also alergic to Whey. That little gem is the major culpert. AND it turns out that 25% of those who are alergic to Whey are sensative to Soy. And did I mention that GNC almost killed me, those digestive enzymes they said I just had to take, had MILK in them. So now no more milk, dairy, cheese, pudding or products with Whey. No protien drinks at all. Now for the good news. Thank god for my Daughter. She suggested Rice Milk. I tried it, no way to drink it but in cereal it was pretty good. And chocolate was icky, but made with Cream of Wheat you almost had pudding. Then I found something wonderful. I am so excited. Almond "Milk". Okay not milk, but it is wonderful. And the CHOCOLATE is heaven. I told my Dr I had to have CHOCOLATE every day. He had no problem with that. Funny he had a problem 100 pounds ago. The Chocolate Almond beverage tastes delicious. It is fantastic and you can drink it from a glass. Gas, not totally gone, but I am no longer under investigation from the government for adding to global warming...... And remember my fear of not enought protien. Seems egg whites are my key. And last night I had a New York Steak and corn on the cob, no gas and I lost some weight. So now here I am, almost a vegetarian, but it is okay. I still have my chocolate, and my Dr said it is okay to eat cereal for dinner. Oatmeal and Cream of Wheat are not the bad boys you might think they are. And making my fake pudding with Chocolate Almond "milk" and cream of wheat is an excellent treat. I am down to 179 pounds this am. I have worked hard and I am proud of what I have done.

Teri, has it been 9 months already. You look MARVELOUS! And taking the pics in front of the same door was a GREAT idea. It really shows your progress, and it helps that the door has lines. I am so happy for you. It seems like everything is coming together for you. You have worked so hard, harder than most, and over come so many obsticles. Don't let the scale run your life. We all have small ups and downs, we are women after all. Hormones, thank god we get to blame those damn hormones. But, you are doing fantastic and you should be so proud of yourself. Our one year anniversary will be here before we know it. Feel good about the accomplishment you have made. You deserve a huge pat on the back! Take care Debbie

Amazing how can fill can change everything. And yes it is easy to get off track with eating and exercise. During the winter I just couldn't do it. My body ached and I was tired all the time. Found I was suffering from LOW blood pressure, needed to quit all BP meds, but exercise was not coming back. I even quit my walks, which I use to love. Now I am the proud owner of an elliptical and I am working my up to sweat. 16 minutes, but I could barely do two minutes a few weeks ago. Don't beat yourself up, look where you have come. Once you get back on track you will do fine. Hey Slim, glad to see your shinning face:wink2: Take care.

Nizee I understand. Getting the exercise is hard. But you may not realize you are already getting some. Walking up and down those stairs. So instead of stressing over not getting "exercise", increase what you are doing. Make extra trips up and down the stairs. Deliver that paper yourself. Power walk down that hall. I have heard that breaking up your exercise is fine. Take a walk during lunch. That is how I started. Now, I purchased something for me. I bought an elliptical. I am up to 16 minutes, it is a lot harder than you think. But I was smart, I am a couch potato. I put the damn thing in front of the TV. Now I get to watch TV and get my exercise at the same time. Now about the fill. You are going to another country. Finding a Dr in case you have a problem could be a problem. You might want to go along with Hubby this time. Maybe if you had a couple months before you were scheduled to leave. Be smart, stay prepared. If getting enough protien will be a problem, take some protien powder with you. But try to be prepared. I take it you are from Pakistan. That means comfort food. MMMmmmm comfort food, what ever country you are from that means trouble. Do the best you can and remember to chew chew chew. You dont want to get stuck. Take care and enjoy your time. And don't sweat, you are already exercising, just not the Gym type!

WARNING - this is an embarrassing topic. Okay, don't ask my why, but my stupid body went wacko. I mean totally freaked out. It all started when I noticed an unusual sensativity to milk and dairy products. I use to eat Sugar Free Pudding, Dark Chocolate and cheese. I started getting very serious lactose problem so I assumed I was lactose intollerant. So I switched to Lactaid Milk. Occassionally had pudding and cheese, but noticed that the symptoms were getting worse. So I cut out all Dairy except Lactaid Milk. Then the sensativity got worse, and so did, do I dare say it, the gas! Soon every night was torture. I was so bloated I looked PG and it was not nice when nature took it's course. Weekends were spent trying to hide from my hubby. Eating had became torture and I started living on Cheerios and protien drink. I figured it had to be food so I started to avoid eating. I increased my protien drink, which was a whey product. I even got the bright idea to try eggs - WRONG! Then my sweet understanding hubby told me to go to the Dr, THIS IS NOT NORMAL. So, made my appointment and god love my Dr. He sat and talked to me and we spent half an hour together. Did I mention that the gas was real bad, call me Pepe Le Pue! Actually he might have run for cover. Embarrassing was not the word. Anyway, My Doctor told me that the odor and gas was from a sensativity to Protien, ANIMAL protien. Good Grief, who ever heard of such a thing. But I was desperate. I listened, actually listened. Before I would say YEAH YEAH YEAH and then do as I wanted, which was to eat EVERYTHING. But this time I listened and on the way home stopped at the store. I purchased some Soy Protien Powder. I also purchased Soy Milk. Now I have to tell you. I have to have my chocolate. So I bought Chocolate Silk Light, Extra Vanilla Soy Milk and Chocolate Soy Protien Powder. What a difference. I still get a little gassy from the soy, but that is why they made beano. But the "skunk" is gone. Or should I say was. Dr had also told me to eat more fish. Tonight was Salmon, and the "skunk" returned, but not as rabid as before. But I ate protien that was not vegetable. Funny I didn't realize that Tuna had caused me problems too. I guess I am now a Vegiterian, but not by choice. Turns out your "gut" has bacteria and it can get out of wack. Mine went crazy. Maybe a veggie life will be good for me. Soy Milk is not as bad as I had thought and the Chocolate is heaven. I will still continue one shake a day to make sure I am getting enough protien, but I guess I will be buying stock in Beano and eating more veggies, whole grains like Quinoa for my protiens. I will still go back to the Dr and let him know that Fish hates me too. But for now, "It's a Soy Wold After All."

WARNING - this is an embarrassing topic. Okay, don't ask my why, but my stupid body went wacko. I mean totally freaked out. It all started when I noticed an unusual sensativity to milk and dairy products. I use to eat Sugar Free Pudding, Dark Chocolate and cheese. I started getting very serious lactose problem so I assumed I was lactose intollerant. So I switched to Lactaid Milk. Occassionally had pudding and cheese, but noticed that the symptoms were getting worse. So I cut out all Dairy except Lactaid Milk. Then the sensativity got worse, and so did, do I dare say it, the gas! Soon every night was torture. I was so bloated I looked PG and it was not nice when nature took it's course. Weekends were spent trying to hide from my hubby. Eating had became torture and I started living on Cheerios and protien drink. I figured it had to be food so I started to avoid eating. I increased my protien drink, which was a whey product. I even got the bright idea to try eggs - WRONG! Then my sweet understanding hubby told me to go to the Dr, THIS IS NOT NORMAL. So, made my appointment and god love my Dr. He sat and talked to me and we spent half an hour together. Did I mention that the gas was real bad, call me Pepe Le Pue! Actually he might have run for cover. Embarrassing was not the word. Anyway, My Doctor told me that the odor and gas was from a sensativity to Protien, ANIMAL protien. Good Grief, who ever heard of such a thing. But I was desperate. I listened, actually listened. Before I would say YEAH YEAH YEAH and then do as I wanted, which was to eat EVERYTHING. But this time I listened and on the way home stopped at the store. I purchased some Soy Protien Powder. I also purchased Soy Milk. Now I have to tell you. I have to have my chocolate. So I bought Chocolate Silk Light, Extra Vanilla Soy Milk and Chocolate Soy Protien Powder. What a difference. I still get a little gassy from the soy, but that is why they made beano. But the "skunk" is gone. Or should I say was. Dr had also told me to eat more fish. Tonight was Salmon, and the "skunk" returned, but not as rabid as before. But I ate protien that was not vegetable. Funny I didn't realize that Tuna had caused me problems too. I guess I am now a Vegiterian, but not by choice. Turns out your "gut" has bacteria and it can get out of wack. Mine went crazy. Maybe a veggie life will be good for me. Soy Milk is not as bad as I had thought and the Chocolate is heaven. I will still continue one shake a day to make sure I am getting enough protien, but I guess I will be buying stock in Beano and eating more veggies, whole grains like Quinoa for my protiens. I will still go back to the Dr and let him know that Fish hates me too. But for now, "It's a Soy Wold After All."

Teri, I am so glad everything is going better for you. You deserve the best. Don't worry about that stupid scale. I hate that thing. It will move, I promise. And you are right, you have to CHEW CHEW CHEW. Sometimes I feel like I don't have restriction, then I forget and YIKES, man does that hurt. I'm glad you are working with your Dr. They know everyone is different and some people just need more TLC. Remember, eveyone is different, thank goodness. Your journey is uniquely yours, but now that everything is back on track you will loose. So glad your problems are in the past, you had such a hard winter. But think about it. Look what you have accomplished! Look how far you have come. It is FANTASTIC. Also, remember how you might have delt with some of those obsticles, food - right? But you didn't and kept at it and you are a success! So here is a big HUG - I am so proud of you. We will do it together. Take care sweetie. We all care so much about you. Debbie (and keep on biking):cursing:

Teri, I hear you with the scale being stuck. I am loosing 1 pound a month, so I bought an elipitical. I had heard how wonderful it was and it was easy on the knees. In the store I was a little champ. Now at home - OMG :eek: I did 5 minutes the first day three times. Now two days later, my thighs are burning and my arms are dead. WHAT WAS I THINKING. But then again, I died when I started walking too. The bike, a good thing. And just think, your tushie will now fit on the seat :wink: Also, doing the family thing is perfect exercise. Makes it more fun for all! Keep it up, you are doing fantastic. Okay, constipation, what are you doing? I have been this way since surgery. Surgeon said one or two bms a week is normal. :eek: I hate this part but I guess when you don't eat very much....... AND - Not only do I have that, but I started getting gas - very bad, bloating and lets just say you can now call me "stinky". :cursing: It is soooooo embarrassing. I even went to my Dr, I was so humilated. Turns out I am now sensative to animal protien! :sad: GIVE ME A BREAK, I was barely eating animal protien as it was! I am now on SOY milk :frown: , YUCK, no more milk, whey or animal protien. What is up with that? So now I am a vegetarian and I have to take acidoliphis to get my digestive system back in sinc. I do however get to eat lots of tuna and other fish. BTW, chocolate soy milk, light with less sugar and fat, is GOOD! So I am breaking in slowly. Gotta have my chocolate fix, even if it is soy. :wink: Okay, I will give up meat, just get me regular, please. Take care Teri, just hang in there. Oh, and I agree, without the surgery we all would have been a lot more than where we started. I believe I would have topped you, I know I would have been over 300 easy. and yes, you are right, I cannot spell today//// it has been a long long day and i am tired......

Okay, I set myself up. I was arrogant and self serving. Pridefull and maybe a little too forthcoming. My Mother wanted to see her Brother. Haven't seen them since my Father died three years ago. So, I told my Mom I would take her. After all, I have lost about 105 pounds and I wanted to "strut my stuff". That was my first mistake. So I dressed in my "thinnest" clothes, Lee Rider Jeans really do slim you! My Husband thought I looked so good, he took a picture. Okay - before I NEVER let anyone take my pictures. That is why I have so few before pics. So dressed to kill, okay maybe not, but I felt GOOD. I went armed with before pics and Grandchildren Pics. I was ready. I didn't start of saying "Look at me" or anything like that. Huggs and kisses all around, and comments at how good I looked. I never just start with the lap band, I have to be asked, and then I LOVE to talk. My Cousin and Uncle were more than happy to talk about what they had been doing and I listened intently. After all I felt good and I knew I was WAY thinner than they had last seen. Cousin, male, has lost 100 pounds, still needs to loose another 50 but still he is smaller than his teen and twenties. Uncle has lost MAJOR weight, but has had health problems. Aunt is heavy and poor health also. So finally the moment arrived. Sitting next to Steven and Uncle Chester I am asked that all important question. So how did you do it? I open my mouth and proudly declare I HAVE THE LAP BAND. My moment of triump.............. And in unision, they must have practiced for years to get this, out comes - THE CHEATER'S DIET! THE CHEATER'S DIET! THE CHEATER'S DIET!!! I was so hurt, pissed off, you name it. I took out my before pictures and said, THIS IS WHY I HAD TO GET THE BAND. I HAD A HEART ATTACK, DIDN'T KNOW IT AND I WAS GOING TO DIE. I told them, I have worked my ass off to get here. It isn't cheating, the band doesn't make you loose weight, you have to do the work. It is a tool, it helps keep me honest, but it didn't do this all by itself. Could I have done it without it - NO, could have lost and gained like always, but honestly NO. I needed this tool - period. So that's what you get for being arrogant and full of yourself. But still, family is suppose to support you, right?!? Then other male cousin comes in, and I think OH MY GOD. And all of a sudden I realize, I was worried about what they thought!!! Everyone is 50 to 100 pounds overweight in their family if not more. Diabetis and Heart Trouble and no teeth abound. Oh I made jokes, about still the same me, it has just moved around. We laughed at me while I made jokes about turkey arms and "old man butt". You know, still have my butt, it's just down at my knees. HA ha ha. But in the end, my fault. I went in there expecting "congradulations" and job well done. No one can do that for me, except me. I did this for me, for my health. And I have better health. I am not going to die from Diabetis or a Heart Attack. I am not going to suffer from sleep apnea and gastritis. I don't think they knew how upset I was. I may not go back. I let it affect me and I should know better. It doesn't matter what others think of me. Even if I had only lost 10 pounds at least I would have lost some weight. Remember, your health improves after just a 10% drop in weight. And what are you really in this for? Only you know. Personally I look at my saggy skin every day. Sometimes I am so angry that I allowed myself to get as heavy as I did. But then I rmember what Dr K said in the seminar. It wasn't my fault. It was a disease. And I am not cured, but I guess you could say I am in remission. Who knows how much I will loose. Honestly I wouldn't mind if I stayed where I am now. I am normal for the first time in 30 years. NORMAL = good health. I'm not ready to die, I still have some living to do. It may not be as exciting as others, but it is my life, my one life. The band gave me time, time to live, time to see my children become the adults they were ment to be and watch my grandchildren grow. I think I will start humming that song When I grow up I want to be an old woman........

Okay, I set myself up. I was arrogant and self serving. Pridefull and maybe a little too forthcoming. My Mother wanted to see her Brother. Haven't seen them since my Father died three years ago. So, I told my Mom I would take her. After all, I have lost about 105 pounds and I wanted to "strut my stuff". That was my first mistake. So I dressed in my "thinnest" clothes, Lee Rider Jeans really do slim you! My Husband thought I looked so good, he took a picture. Okay - before I NEVER let anyone take my pictures. That is why I have so few before pics. So dressed to kill, okay maybe not, but I felt GOOD. I went armed with before pics and Grandchildren Pics. I was ready. I didn't start of saying "Look at me" or anything like that. Huggs and kisses all around, and comments at how good I looked. I never just start with the lap band, I have to be asked, and then I LOVE to talk. My Cousin and Uncle were more than happy to talk about what they had been doing and I listened intently. After all I felt good and I knew I was WAY thinner than they had last seen. Cousin, male, has lost 100 pounds, still needs to loose another 50 but still he is smaller than his teen and twenties. Uncle has lost MAJOR weight, but has had health problems. Aunt is heavy and poor health also. So finally the moment arrived. Sitting next to Steven and Uncle Chester I am asked that all important question. So how did you do it? I open my mouth and proudly declare I HAVE THE LAP BAND. My moment of triump.............. And in unision, they must have practiced for years to get this, out comes - THE CHEATER'S DIET! THE CHEATER'S DIET! THE CHEATER'S DIET!!! I was so hurt, pissed off, you name it. I took out my before pictures and said, THIS IS WHY I HAD TO GET THE BAND. I HAD A HEART ATTACK, DIDN'T KNOW IT AND I WAS GOING TO DIE. I told them, I have worked my ass off to get here. It isn't cheating, the band doesn't make you loose weight, you have to do the work. It is a tool, it helps keep me honest, but it didn't do this all by itself. Could I have done it without it - NO, could have lost and gained like always, but honestly NO. I needed this tool - period. So that's what you get for being arrogant and full of yourself. But still, family is suppose to support you, right?!? Then other male cousin comes in, and I think OH MY GOD. And all of a sudden I realize, I was worried about what they thought!!! Everyone is 50 to 100 pounds overweight in their family if not more. Diabetis and Heart Trouble and no teeth abound. Oh I made jokes, about still the same me, it has just moved around. We laughed at me while I made jokes about turkey arms and "old man butt". You know, still have my butt, it's just down at my knees. HA ha ha. But in the end, my fault. I went in there expecting "congradulations" and job well done. No one can do that for me, except me. I did this for me, for my health. And I have better health. I am not going to die from Diabetis or a Heart Attack. I am not going to suffer from sleep apnea and gastritis. I don't think they knew how upset I was. I may not go back. I let it affect me and I should know better. It doesn't matter what others think of me. Even if I had only lost 10 pounds at least I would have lost some weight. Remember, your health improves after just a 10% drop in weight. And what are you really in this for? Only you know. Personally I look at my saggy skin every day. Sometimes I am so angry that I allowed myself to get as heavy as I did. But then I rmember what Dr K said in the seminar. It wasn't my fault. It was a disease. And I am not cured, but I guess you could say I am in remission. Who knows how much I will loose. Honestly I wouldn't mind if I stayed where I am now. I am normal for the first time in 30 years. NORMAL = good health. I'm not ready to die, I still have some living to do. It may not be as exciting as others, but it is my life, my one life. The band gave me time, time to live, time to see my children become the adults they were ment to be and watch my grandchildren grow. I think I will start humming that song When I grow up I want to be an old woman........

It was a little over a year ago that I even heard the word "lap band". Oh I saw the commercials on TV where the woman said the band helped tame her Lion hunger into a kitty cat. Well I had the LION hunger and then some. I have said it many times, I could eat half a cow and still eat more. It is amazing the amount of food one can consume at one sitting. I would spend $5.00 on breakfast, $10.00 on lunch and then go pick up hambergers for dinner. And it was a super size fry, not that whimpy small size. Gallons of Diet Pepsi a day, I had the stomach to prove that it WILL eat your lining. And then that fateful day. Timid I went to my Dr and laid my cards on the table. I was SO SCARED. But I had an HMO and did I go through the ringer. The first consult was a bust. The Dr had me in tears and I never mentioned the lap band again for months. My next visit my reg Dr asked how it went and I cried. I was so disappointed. But he sent me for a second opinion and that led me to a seminar where I found other people just like me. And so the journey began. Oh there were hoops and fears and tears and more hoops. But in the end September 23 my life began again. And now here I am. My highest was 105 pounds ago. Funny I lost 18 pounds due to IBS from being nervous about seeing the second Surgeon. I have my ups and my downs. Right now I feel like I am going to burst. Another mistake to learn from. But my band keeps me honest. I have learned a few lessons. #1 it is VERY important to eat slow, small bites and CHEW CHEW CHEW. We are not makeing this part up. It is truely important. #2 Stupidity is part of our learning. Funny I didn't get it the first time my Surgeon told me that when (not if) I get stuck do A B C. And then go back to liquids. Later he told me that is how we learn our limitations, by experience. So, we make mistakes, hopefully we learn before we do the same mistake for the 3rd time. #3 You will have hanging skin. If you are over 100 pounds overwieght you will have hanging skin. But you will grow or should I say SHRINK to love it. #4 Better health is right around the corner. #5 Try on new clothes before you buy them. Okay that last one is important. We as heavy people don't realize our true size. We think of ourselves as not as large and then when we loose, we think we are not as small. Well I am now a size 14 pant but an XL shirt. Seems I lost my tush and my tummy is going to stay forever. But that is okay too. I never thought I would ever be a "normal" size. But I am. And now for the emotional part - I took a picture with my Daughter. When I showed it to her she begun crying. She told me she never knew who she looked like before and now she knows. She looks like me. And through my tears I can tell you that is the most beautiful touching thing she could have ever said, because my daughter is BEAUTIFUL to me. You know what? When I look at that picture I realize for the first time in 50 years, I am not ugly after all. I may not be beautiful and that is okay, but I am not ugly. Now that is a milestone.

It was a little over a year ago that I even heard the word "lap band". Oh I saw the commercials on TV where the woman said the band helped tame her Lion hunger into a kitty cat. Well I had the LION hunger and then some. I have said it many times, I could eat half a cow and still eat more. It is amazing the amount of food one can consume at one sitting. I would spend $5.00 on breakfast, $10.00 on lunch and then go pick up hambergers for dinner. And it was a super size fry, not that whimpy small size. Gallons of Diet Pepsi a day, I had the stomach to prove that it WILL eat your lining. And then that fateful day. Timid I went to my Dr and laid my cards on the table. I was SO SCARED. But I had an HMO and did I go through the ringer. The first consult was a bust. The Dr had me in tears and I never mentioned the lap band again for months. My next visit my reg Dr asked how it went and I cried. I was so disappointed. But he sent me for a second opinion and that led me to a seminar where I found other people just like me. And so the journey began. Oh there were hoops and fears and tears and more hoops. But in the end September 23 my life began again. And now here I am. My highest was 105 pounds ago. Funny I lost 18 pounds due to IBS from being nervous about seeing the second Surgeon. I have my ups and my downs. Right now I feel like I am going to burst. Another mistake to learn from. But my band keeps me honest. I have learned a few lessons. #1 it is VERY important to eat slow, small bites and CHEW CHEW CHEW. We are not makeing this part up. It is truely important. #2 Stupidity is part of our learning. Funny I didn't get it the first time my Surgeon told me that when (not if) I get stuck do A B C. And then go back to liquids. Later he told me that is how we learn our limitations, by experience. So, we make mistakes, hopefully we learn before we do the same mistake for the 3rd time. #3 You will have hanging skin. If you are over 100 pounds overwieght you will have hanging skin. But you will grow or should I say SHRINK to love it. #4 Better health is right around the corner. #5 Try on new clothes before you buy them. Okay that last one is important. We as heavy people don't realize our true size. We think of ourselves as not as large and then when we loose, we think we are not as small. Well I am now a size 14 pant but an XL shirt. Seems I lost my tush and my tummy is going to stay forever. But that is okay too. I never thought I would ever be a "normal" size. But I am. And now for the emotional part - I took a picture with my Daughter. When I showed it to her she begun crying. She told me she never knew who she looked like before and now she knows. She looks like me. And through my tears I can tell you that is the most beautiful touching thing she could have ever said, because my daughter is BEAUTIFUL to me. You know what? When I look at that picture I realize for the first time in 50 years, I am not ugly after all. I may not be beautiful and that is okay, but I am not ugly. Now that is a milestone.