Lochnessamber

Thank you for such a well constructed and honest answer. I deeply appreciate it.

Hi, I'm the Loch Ness Amber, and I have trouble perceiving my body as it is. (I have NOT been diagnosed with body dysmorphia.)
Pre-op, at my largest, I felt smaller than I really was. The concept of how big I truly was didnt seem right and needed to be proved with photos I didnt take myself. Post-op, I now feel larger than I really am, and it's what i see in the mirror.
I believe my perception of myself beforehand was contributing to my gain. My perception afterward doesnt seem to affect me other than a vague frustration. I'm wondering how common this is, and if anyone knows why this cognitive dissonance with our bodies even exists.
I'd also like to know if it resolves in time, or if I will forever perceive myself as "3-4x" whenever asked my clothing size.

Hi, I'm the Loch Ness Amber, and I have trouble perceiving my body as it is. (I have NOT been diagnosed with body dysmorphia.)
Pre-op, at my largest, I felt smaller than I really was. The concept of how big I truly was didnt seem right and needed to be proved with photos I didnt take myself. Post-op, I now feel larger than I really am, and it's what i see in the mirror.
I believe my perception of myself beforehand was contributing to my gain. My perception afterward doesnt seem to affect me other than a vague frustration. I'm wondering how common this is, and if anyone knows why this cognitive dissonance with our bodies even exists.
I'd also like to know if it resolves in time, or if I will forever perceive myself as "3-4x" whenever asked my clothing size.

Dude, this one popular plus size model I really loved to bag on. I had so much junk to talk about her size and how delusional she was she could be healthy like that. I did the same thing comparing myself to people on the street! Now its embarrassing. I can totally see that I was about the same size, just a bit bigger, and I wonder where all my compassion went.
On the flip side, I went out to a dinner party and gave myself waaaaay more room than I needed in the booth out of habit/perception. I eventually was like, oh, I'm sorry guys, I can actually scoot over more.

It really is. Perhaps it's the increased awareness of what we out into our bodies (whether that be food or work). Going through the motions of daily living it was easy to justify my weight and eating as normal and pay no mind to it. Now it's under a fine toothed comb.
I dont know enough. Maybe I should look for scholarly articles about this. My interest is piqued! So many of us have similar experiences even in a small sample, it probably has been studied somewhere.

Yes. He’s definitely a keeper. This month marks 42 years of one incredibly terrific marriage. Includes 4 great sons, 4 of the best daughter in laws and the 2 prettiest, smartest, loving and loved little granddaughters! I’m blessed! Truly!
Now to get thin again, healthy and ready to do all of the fun things my body has balked at doing for quite a few years. Woo Hoo!

awwwwww. he's a keeper

It really is. Perhaps it's the increased awareness of what we out into our bodies (whether that be food or work). Going through the motions of daily living it was easy to justify my weight and eating as normal and pay no mind to it. Now it's under a fine toothed comb.
I dont know enough. Maybe I should look for scholarly articles about this. My interest is piqued! So many of us have similar experiences even in a small sample, it probably has been studied somewhere.

It really is. Perhaps it's the increased awareness of what we out into our bodies (whether that be food or work). Going through the motions of daily living it was easy to justify my weight and eating as normal and pay no mind to it. Now it's under a fine toothed comb.
I dont know enough. Maybe I should look for scholarly articles about this. My interest is piqued! So many of us have similar experiences even in a small sample, it probably has been studied somewhere.

Awe. You have a great husband.

Everyone here has really added to this discussion! I'm happy to read everyone's stories. It shows we're not alone in this, not by far.
I have kept my largest clothes and decided to wear them all weekend. It's been very helpful for my self perception currently. I was able to look in the mirror earlier this afternoon and visually see the change in myself even when I was naked. It's awesome, but it was so weird because to my mind it looks like I dropped the weight overnight.
I'm sure it's a struggle that will ebb and flow over time. I'll probably need to repeat exercises like this every once in a while to refresh my perception. Does anyone else do things like this?

I’m hard on myself for no reason. I’m 4 1/2 months since surgery and have lost 47 lbs. I need/want to lose at least 60 more. I’m discontent with how much weight. So many people have lost so much more by this time. I’m where my dr said I would be, however.
So last night my sweet husband took me outside and gave me a 40 lb bag of salt and told me to pick it up. Well I really couldn’t. Then he reassured me that bag was less weight than I’d lost and to think I was carrying that much around.
Sometimes we need help adjusting our vision!

Same here - bigger problem for me now, though. A couple of weeks ago was getting ready to go to a function with my husband and I saw a dress hanging on my bedroom door through the mirror on my dresser as I was doing my makeup. And my first thought was - gosh, that's a small dress, I wonder whose it is. Then I realized it was mine. I mean I knew it was mine - I had purchased it. But I don't see myself as the size 6-8 that I am now. I still see the size 24 in some ways when I look in the mirror.
It's been almost 3 years since my surgery. Hoping I come to grips with this soon.

Good!! I'm happy for you and the attitude you have!

Loving this thread so far and I’ve enjoyed reading everyone’s answers.

I can completely relate to body dysmorphia. I had always run from cameras and on the rare occasions where I had no option but to be in pictures, I was horrified at how large I looked.
I too would look at people that I just knew were “bigger” than me only to discover I weighed more and wore a bigger clothes size.

Lol, one day I was seeing plus size models in an ad and realized they were wearing clothes THREE SIZES smaller than my current size.

Now that I’m approximately halfway to my goal weight, I’m seeing myself as the size I kinda thought I always was in my brain, so I don’t know what to think about that.
I still feel as if current pictures of me are “larger” than how I feel inside, but I’m still 50-ish pounds away from goal weight so hopefully someday I actually look as small as I feel.

My all-time high weight was 272 a few years ago. When I started pre-surgery stuff I was 259 and I’m currently 195 after being sleeved February 6th this year.
I’m 5’7” and have a goal weight of between 140-145.
Started off as a size 22 and now can fit into size 16s.

Ashley S, is it that like firmer Drug or Alcohol Addicts, we will always be Recovering Obese people? No matter what the outside people may see, we will always still know, there but for the Grace of God, go I! And there's my free analysis for Monday Morning.?❤?

Hi! I'm really glad I found this thread. Reading some of what you have to say makes me feel so much better in that I am not alone in what I am feeling. At my highest (probably around 250, although my official start weight was 238), I never felt "big". However, now I feel huge. I currently weight about 127, and although I wear a size 0/2, I still feel like I have another 20/30 lbs to lose, although that is certainly not the case. I'm about 5'3 for reference. I've talked with my surgeon about my case and he referred me to a specialist that I will be meeting with (hopefully) soon. It's a very weird emotion to describe because although I know in my head that I am no longer fat, something in my heart says that I will always be fat. I've tried explaining this emotion to my best friend but it seems as though people outside the bariatric world do not understand.

Thank you for such a well constructed and honest answer. I deeply appreciate it.

Everyone here has really added to this discussion! I'm happy to read everyone's stories. It shows we're not alone in this, not by far.
I have kept my largest clothes and decided to wear them all weekend. It's been very helpful for my self perception currently. I was able to look in the mirror earlier this afternoon and visually see the change in myself even when I was naked. It's awesome, but it was so weird because to my mind it looks like I dropped the weight overnight.
I'm sure it's a struggle that will ebb and flow over time. I'll probably need to repeat exercises like this every once in a while to refresh my perception. Does anyone else do things like this?

Hi, I'm the Loch Ness Amber, and I have trouble perceiving my body as it is. (I have NOT been diagnosed with body dysmorphia.)
Pre-op, at my largest, I felt smaller than I really was. The concept of how big I truly was didnt seem right and needed to be proved with photos I didnt take myself. Post-op, I now feel larger than I really am, and it's what i see in the mirror.
I believe my perception of myself beforehand was contributing to my gain. My perception afterward doesnt seem to affect me other than a vague frustration. I'm wondering how common this is, and if anyone knows why this cognitive dissonance with our bodies even exists.
I'd also like to know if it resolves in time, or if I will forever perceive myself as "3-4x" whenever asked my clothing size.

Have you tried jogging in water? They also have water aerobics classes with resistance floaties (if you're fortunate enough to have a gym with a pool, unlike me).

Well inside I felt like I was maybe 250 even when I was 365 and shocked when I saw my reflection. in the department store' s front windows. Now that I am actually 220, I have trouble reconciling my actual image with my inner beast. And I look so different I hardly recognize ME. I told in another posting " Who is that in the mirror? it looks like a bunch of dead relatives but I certainly isn't ME! Maybe that person is gone forever, do I have the intestinal strength to complete this or solve this mystery?

Good! Even if it is a placebo, its working, and that's what matters. I'm happy you're getting some relief.

RIGHT? I have Collarbones! I can cross my legs now.

I felt the same way. I had failed at so many diet attempts. I felt my weight loss was too good to be true. You are doing fantastic. Hold on to the “wow” moments. You have many good things coming your way.