Boldilocks

I only have 3 days to do on the liquid diet - which I'm ok with as it's a lot less than most seem to be. I have a question - how do they know what size your liver is? Just through the bloodwork? My surgeon's office has this 3 day blanket pre-op diet for everyone as it is in their printed brochures, so I don't think they try to hard to gauge size on an individual basis.

Feb 5th for me! @Tess0554- we look to have pretty similar stats! You don't really see many posting with "lower" (all relative) BMIs for the surgery.

This is amazing - thank you for posting it! Just the type of thing I need for unsupportive loved ones!

I'm glad that you didn't have to jump through the additional hoops. Could it be a State thing? I live in NY and so does OP going by her name. The insurance we have is for State workers - maybe she has that too? No idea. ?‍♀️

Thank you, that means an awful lot. And it's actually true as well as wise - right in the beginning he insisted that I had to move from Ireland to here if we were going to be together, even though he could have moved over to be with me without any immigration hassle because his parents were from Ireland and he could hold Irish citizenship right away. But addicts and narcissists like to cut you off and isolate you from your support system, and that's exacty what happened. You are always such a warm, supportive, humourous voice here - I am proud to know you!

Very true - I had forgotten that you could provide 6 months of proof. However, there might be more leeway with this from office to office - as my two years' worth of daily logging on MyFitnessPal and my FitBit app, as well as a year subscription to Weight Watchers was not deemed proof enough. Specifically, it had include monthly weigh-ins at the surgeon's clinic or my primary care doctor's office, or it was a no-go. But just to echo OP - I was told at my consult that UHC required 6 months of weigh-ins either there or with my Dr. I was given no diet to follow, and was given no amount of weight that I had to lose. In fact, I was told not to lose any weight, because if I fell below 35 BMI at any of my weigh-ins, it would disqualify me. I know some insurance just take the starting weight, but not UHC. I too was a little freaked out about how unstructured it seemed to be, and posted here about it panicking slightly. Turns out that they really don't get serious with you until about half way through. 3 months in I was given a surgery date, then about 4 months in it started to get far more intense - I've had 11 appts over the last 2 months to get everything completed.

Surgery is Tuesday Feb 5th - just over 2 weeks away. The cut off for open enrollment for our insurance just passed on Friday, so he cannot now add or remove anyone from the policy except in the case of a life-changimg event (birth, death, divorce, adoption, etc.). So I can tell him any time now without fear of sabotage. Still working on how I'll do it. It's a rural-ish area where I am, but the nearby small city that has the hospital I'm going to has Uber available. I am leaning towards that, or a friend. I have a pre-admission appt by phone this Tuesday, and they'll tell me what time I need to be at the hospital on procedure day - so then I will have a better idea if I can ask friends (who work). My kids are 12 and 11, so not old enough to drive (except me crazy, LOL). I will definitely update here when I've told him, or if I decide not to - everyone has been so kind and thoughtful with input, support, and advice. It is much appreciated.

I saw a Feb 4th date and I think that's the earliest - then there a group on Feb 5th, including me! ?

https://www.uhcprovider.com/content/dam/provider/docs/public/policies/comm-medical-drug/bariatric-surgery.pdf I have UHC too.

I honestly have no idea why they would call for that, beyond their own arbitrary protocols? I know a lot of it makes sound medical sense, but sometimes I do wonder if the hoop-jumping is a tool to check compliance, committment, and how much you want it and are prepared to strive for it. It is a lot anyway - prob seems like a lot more due to it being 3 months rather than 6.

In your position I'd definitely want another one to compare the two! I love stats!

Thank you for posting this! My nutritionist brought it up last week too at a group meeting. It is really hard for me to take small bites and chew well. The mushier something gets in my mouth, the more skeeved out I get. But I know that I'll have to be very careful with this. It must be so hard when you're hungry to eat tiny amounts. It is so counter-intuitive even though you know how small your stomach is. I hope you're having a better day today!

You are the sweetest person - you and your princess are lucky to have found each other! I did love him when we got married - but really I married the him that he constructed, as he is a compulsive liar. I made my bed and I'm lying in it - no one made me marry him or stay with him. Circumstances got in the way (I was just here to visit, 9/11 happened, my flight home was grounded, and I just stayed and we had to get married quickly before my visa expired. Had I had more months to know him better, I wouldn't have stayed). I am a really strong person. I get it from my mum who had to go through hell with my alcoholic dad (which is why I said I couldn't be with someone who drank, and my husband said he was teetotal... and he didnt drink until after we were married. He can stop for months before binges). I will always win in the end - I'm patient and I can wait. He will never get the better of me. I have gained a lot through the path I chose - my amazing daughters, my breast reduction (I would have needed to wait for years to get it on the National Health Service back home), my design business, true friends, self-awareness, even this surgery. I'll be in my mid-40s when I return home for good - and if I meet someone I will be ready, and I will know what I want and need and not settle. I can wait. My daughters will be 16 and 17 then - I wouldn't want to enter into a new relationship with young daughters anyway. Not these days. In the end I'll thank him for the experience he gave me, and let him go - I am a stronger wiser person than I would otherwise have been. We are friends, co-parents, family even. But there is just no attraction for me any more, and too many bad memories of trying to bring up toddlers while he was passed out on the bathroom floor for me to rekindle a deeper relationship beyond attraction. The age difference becomes more apparent with each passing year too - he is 67 and I am 42 - and we have less and less in common. He loves me, at least he thinks he does - as much as a narcissist is capable of loving anyone. And he thinks we have a good marriage. Perhaps we do in this day and age. Honestly, I do hope he just passes peacefully at some point in the next 5 years so that my daughters and I can move on. I don't want to hurt him or wish him any ill. He's not a bad person - he is just not a very good husband (there was a reason why he had never been married at 50), and he's not my prince. So many hugs to you! I hope your recovery is going well and that your princess is taking care of you and cherishing you!

Fellow thin haired redhead! I hope the hormone resetting will help my hair because my thinning is PCOS related. But I am going to look into this for sure. I hate how much of my scalp you can see! It's so hard to find reds that match hair colour though...

I had my last weigh in today and my surgery is scheduled for Feb 5th also! Depending on insurance approval, I guess - it could still change. Thankfully, my surgeon's office only has you do the pre-op diet for 3 days before, so I won't be going through the woes that some of you are, LOL!

I have UHC and am in NY (New York State Employees' plan). I wasn't told anything about gaining - but was told not to lose (my BMI was 36 and I risked falling below the threshold of 35). My wait has been more like 8 months because I went for my consult in June 2018, but couldn't come back in July because I spend the summer in Ireland. I picked up again in late August, and had my last weigh in today - the 6 weigh-ins have to be consecutive, and they are pretty strict about it being 30 days between appts. I have been up and down, and am about 3 lbs higher than my initial weight - there wasn't an issue made of it. I was told that UHC takes 14 business days to authorise, so they stressed it was really important not to miss any appts (weigh-ins and others).

My surgery date is February 5th as well! Good luck!

Very good questions, thank you - it helps me solidify my plans. The kids will be to and from school themselves on the bus - and they are fine being home alone from when they get in at 3.15pm until my husband gets home at 4.30pm. They are 12 and 11 now and very mature. This will not be new or stressful for them as they already do this 2 days a week as I get home later than my husband on those days. If my husband isn't willing to bring me home, I have at least 4 friends who know the situation and will be able to bring me home. The hospital is only 20 minutes away. I plan to either take an Uber to the hospital, or have a friend take me - if my husband is not prepared to do that. I am not very worried about this - he is very into preserving his reputation and looking good to the outside world, so I think he will want to transport me there and back or we wouldn't look like the perfect family, you know? If there are complications, I would call an ambulance or he would take me to the ER. He wouldn't want anything to happen to me - he does care about me a lot. The relationship is a bit one sided these days, LOL. I don't have any family here - they are all back in Ireland. If I don't disclose the location, I will leave a post-it, as you say. I will also call after the op - once it's done there's nothing he can do. I'm not a great liar, though, so I don't think I could invent another surgery. He would end up being at the hospital with me all concerned and they'd be talking about sleeve while he's thinking gallbladder or whatever. That's my luck. TBH, he's averse to and suspicious of doctors and any kind of medical procedures really - probably because of his drinking - so he'd be just as likely to try to talk me out of any surgery.

Hey all - it's a while since I posted (and I was a newbie anyway so I hadn't posted much). I told myself it was because my surgery was still so far away that it was better to step away from the board and obsessing too much... but in reality it's because I'm anxious because I haven't told my husband and I don't know how to start. The surgery is Feb 5th! We have a few friends who have had the surgery and he is very negative and judgemental, critical and mocking. My main reason for getting it is PCOS - which causes weight gain as well as some other nasty side effects. My hormone levels are getting further and further away from where they should be, and the medications I was on are no longer working and are having a negative impact on my health. Honestly, the weight loss will be a bonus for me - it's resetting my hormones and becoming healthy again that I am most looking forward to. My BMI is "low" for this surgery at 36 - but I know that it will just get worse and worse so I should deal with it now while I am still relatively young. And he knows this - he has seen my struggle with awful hormonal conditions for 17 years. But all he ever says is that I need to work out more and eat better. A few things come into play in our relationship: 1. He is 25 years older than me (which I didn't find out about until after we were engaged - he lied about his age). 2. He is an alcoholic (which I didn;t find out about until after we were married. He is a binge drinker and so was able to stay sober for the months we were engaged). 3. I have an Irish accent that people here in the US gravitate to, and he gets very jealous. 4. He is not overweight as such, but has a belly from drinking and being middle-aged that he has been trying to lose since I met him. He yo-yos a lot, and goes on extreme fasts and workouts to lose it, then gains it all back when he goes on a drinking binge. He always talks about this magical day in the future when he has lost his gut, and it never comes. It will irritate him beyond belief that this day will come for me. These things make him very insecure, and while he gives me a hard time about my weight sometimes - I think he is very comfortable with me being fat as it means I am not going to leave him or be attractive to other men. He will be jealous of me. He might try to stop me getting the surgery. I'm not being fanciful - back in 2013 I was due to have a breast reduction. My boobs were massive, always had been even when I was 112 lbs. He supported my decision, wanted me to get the surgery... then he wen on a drinking binge the week before and I caught him trying to get my insurance cancelled so I couldn't have the op. When that didn't work he tried to call the hospital and cancel it - of course they wouldn't let him. When he sobered up he was mortified and bent over backwards to be supportive when I had the op - but it happened, and I am wary. To that end I am not telling him until after this Friday, as that is the end date for open enrollment on our insurance plan. I have gotten more savvy as time goes on! Please don't be lecturing me or telling me to leave. I know what the situation is, I know what I can deal with, and I have a plan. The only place I would want to go if I left would be home to Ireland, and that can't happen until my daughter is 16 - so I have 4.5 years to squirrel away money and position myself. I have a comfortable lifestyle, and it suits me to stay. I gave up everything to move here and be with him, and I figure I'm owed and would rather be comfortable until I can leave. If we divorced some other woman would move in and get what I'm owed - there is a shortage of men around here, esp men with good jobs. And honestly (don't judge me) - he is a 67 year old chronic alcoholic. He could pass away in the next 4.5 years and me and the kids would be pretty set. He doesn't bother me, we live pretty independently, there is no animosity, I have my own bedroom, and I pretty much do my own thing (like going home to Ireland for 6 weeks every summer). I have gone to all my weigh ins and pre-op appts without him even being in the slightest bit aware - that's how separate our lives tend to be. How do I start this conversation? He is smart and educated, but very judgemental. He is a therapist (haha, I know) who has had clients who have had the surgery and not done well. But they were a lot heavier than me, smokers and substance abusers, with severe mental health problems. I have read a lot and plan to make a note of all the benefits. I have some articles to show him - but I know he won't read them (he has a very short attention span and I've never seen him read a whole article never mind a book). I plan to ask him why he doesn't want me to have it - I know that "you could die" will be the only real thing he'll have to say - but I have a medical report showing that the mortality rate for sleeve surgery is 0.08%. He can't really say "because I'm jealous" as that isn't a valid argument. If he says it is the easy way out or the lazy way out I can cite facts to show him how it isn't - but even if it was... so what? So what if it was the easy way out it gets my health back on track and me feeling better? I mean, when I was having kids it was all epidural vs. med free and breast milk vs. formula. We all made our own choices, but in hindsight it didn't matter as long as the outcome was the same: a healthy baby. I'm trying to anticipate other things he might say, or stuff I should have prepped in advance. Everyone else I have told has been very supportive - my mum, two daughters, close friends. I know 4 people in my immediate circle who have had it and have asked a lot of questions. I guess my fear is that he will try to stop it somehow - I don't expect any support, but I don't want to blindside him by telling him afterwards. I don't plan on telling him my Dr's name or the hospital I'll be at, just in case. I'm very averse to confrontation and hate having hard conversations. I'm not scared of him - he isn't physically or emotionally threatening in any way, but I am scared to bring it up. Can't put my finger on why exactly. Thanks for listening to my ramble - I guess I'm just anxious, and I really could do without it because I am a natural worrier as it is!

It's a curse, I tell you! LOL

This is where minimalism may help. If there's nothing to make a mess of you'll have less issues. Sometimes we just have too much stuff cluttering our lives. Let him buy new clothes and trash the old ones. Eventually if your kids run out of clean clothes and you refuse to do them, they will. They've been playing chicken with you and winning. My kids tried it, hell I probably tried it as a kid too. I digress. The battle with the children, no solutions I can think of. I'm a firm believer in parents as a united front against the tyranny of adolescence. Only paper products after surgery, so less worries for you to deal with. Less stress will be critical to your success. Removing as much before hand will help a ton. You may want to become super protective/selfish about your journey. You speak a lot of sense - thank you. I am on a major purge of the house - so I'm glad for the 3 months. I do tend towards the minimalist anyway - and am taking the opportunity to get rid of stuff. My husband's room is packed to the gills (we don't share a bedroom), and the girls less so. But I keep my room clean, and the rest of the house is usually pretty neat if I am there to pick up daily. I can just close the doors on their spaces. I have a weekly cleaning checklist I follow, as well as one "zone" a week so that the whole house gets covered in a month. This week is the kitchen, and I have pitched a lot of silverware, pots, pans, and dishes that I never use. I will be printing out these checklists for the girls. You're right - they need to step up. I'm sick of asking then yelling at them and them not doing it anyway. They will be getting phones at Christmas, and so I might finally have some leverage by taking them away until the work is done! And you're right - in the recovery phase I will keep my areas clean. If downstairs is bad, I'll simply stay in bed and not go downstairs! I'm worrying about the logistics of getting my kids to skating lessons and music lessons - if my husband won't do it (and he won't because he's at work when all these things take place) then they'll just have to miss them for a while. I never focus on me - but February is going to start a process of taking my life back! My 5 year plan ends with me moving home to Ireland with my girls (that's why I don't divorce my husband - I wouldn't be able to take them and go home now because he won't give consent, so I may as well stay and be comfortable until they are 16 rather than divorcing and living in a crap hole nearby). It begins in February with me taking steps to get me back. You sound like a great parent - hope your kids are proud of you! You are an inspiration! ?

Thanks for that, it's really reassuring. Unfortunately, the tough love approach doesn't work with this lot - they are happy in their filth, and I am not. I have found if someone doesn't care about something, nothing you can do can make them care. Like when we came back from Ireland this summer after 6 weeks away, my husband had not done any laundry or dishes in that whole time. Had just gone out and bought himself new clothes instead, and paper plates. He also hadn't taken out the garbage in that whole time. And this is a qualified therapist with degrees from Columbia and Harvard. He just doesn't see mess, and if he does, he doesn't think it's a big deal. Believe me, I have tried so hard to instill the opposite in my girls, but when I try to stress the importance of chores, he barges in and insists that doing extra reading or study is more important. No, we don't have the best marriage, as evidenced by the fact that we piss off to Ireland for 6 weks every summer without him, lol - it is what it is. We aren't that close, and just rub along. I can get my girls to do a bit - and I'm using these 3 moths to try to retrain. They are very excited by my surgery and want to support me. But they are spoiled and lazy - mostly his fault - and the mental energy it takes to get them to do anything is exhausting. They do some basic chores - garbage, cat litter, tidying up - and my main aim is teaching them dishes and laundry. It's funny - when they were little they would help out all the time. Now, its a diferent story. I don't mind getting a cleaner in if I think its necessary.

And I apologise for the novel above. Like most Irish people, I suppose, I can't make a long story short. Also just typing it out here helps me figure things out.

Hi all - I am getting so much out of reading these forums. Thank you to everyone who contributes. I am speeding my way through my 6 months of weigh-ins, and have had surgery scheduled for February 5th 2019. I'm fine with the timeframe - I have 3 more months to get my house in order. Llike, my literal house - am trying to declutter and deep clean to make things easier post-surgery. I liken it to being 6 months pregnant, and going into nesting mode, LOL. Anyway - I have an unhelpful husband, and two unhelpful daughters (aged 11 and 10). The youngest will sometimes do a surprise clean up for me - but it's very surface and doesn't involve things like washing dishes or doing laundry. I have read, heard, and experienced that very pale redheads like me feel more pain, and need more anaesthesia and painkillers. I have felt it first hand at the dentist and during my c-sections: it takes far more medication to numb me than a normal person. And I do not bounce back fast from surgery typically - with both c-sections it was several weeks, and with the breast reduction that I had 5 years ago it did take me about 6 weeks to get back to normal. Back then, though, my mum was here to help me. She took care of the kids, cooked and cleaned, and made me gorgeous breakfasts. She can't come this time though (she lives in Ireland). Back then I also didn't have an outsde-the-home job to worry about, like I do now. I ran my own business (still do), but I can take whatever time I need for that. Now I also work part time - mostly behind a desk, but with kids who can sometimes run into me by mistake (I run a supervised visitation centre for our local domestic violence agency). I have it set now so I work per diem, so I'm not contracted for specific hours or times (my boss did this 2 years ago so that I could keep working my set hours as usual, but could also take 6 weeks off every summer to go home to Ireland without being penalised. Because I will never give up my summers in Ireland). So I basically can be available for work when I say I'm available. I am planning on taking 4 weeks off. Does that sound excessive? I want to give myself a chance to heal, and to get used to my new reality. I don't have to work there, we don't need the money, and I bascially just do it to get out of the house - so I'm in no rush to go back. My design business that run from home is my main job and my passion. Which leads me to another question - how soon after can I knit? I know some of you do needle crafts. I am a knitwear desiger, so I make all the samples for the patterns I publish. It's not imperative I knit asap - most of my job is writing and maths to be honest - but for my mental health I need to get those needles in my hands as soon as I can. Lastly - how much will I be able to do around the house? My husband is very, very, messy. Like scrubbing the sofa because he has spilled stuff is a daily occurance for me. He goes through clothes so fast that I do a load of laundry a day, and will use clean dish and after clean dish rather than rinse something. I am aiming to recruit my daughters - they are good girls and will be able to help a bit. But I'm fussy, and their standards are not mine, if you know what I mean? It's no good saying that I should make my husband do this or that - I'm no more capable of forcing him to do someting than he is of forcing me to do something. He is a lot older than me (25 years), domestic tasks are like a foreign language to him, and he has the attention span of a gnat and does everything half-assed. Let's just say, I wouldn't eat off a dish he had washed. In 17 years he has never used the washing machine, never vacuumed, never made me a meal, or even a cup of tea. I anticipate a lot of take out (for the kids) and frozen dinners (for him). But am I going to need to get a person in to clean for me? What has your experience been as the sole responsible person when you have been out of action? This is worrying me a lot - I am a planner and a worrier. Our local walmart has just started a grocery pick up service - so I can do that online and just have him pick it up. I have a robot vacuum cleaner (best thing ever), so that helps too. But the bathroom and kitchen will get grungy fast. How long will it be until I can de-grunge them?

What is it that you do? I think I remember you mentioning trunk shows, so are you in the design/crafting industry?