Todd_196

I got the call yesterday to schedule my WLS. I was in my counselor’s office waiting for my appointment to start and I got the call! I’ve got tell you I was floored. I’ve been trying to find out the status of my case, and was checking to make sure they had all of the paper work they needed. I had no idea that they submitted everything to the insurance company for review and approval. Like many, I’m sure, I was thrilled, excited scared, worried, uncertain etc., etc. When my counselor came to get me for my appointment she knew right away something was odd. LOL, more so than normal. I told her and I found that I was starting to come up with reasons why I should wait and maybe put this off for a while. It was ridiculous. I was more worried about everyone and everything else and how they would be missing my “help”. She pointed out and I came to realize that I never prioritize for myself; I always do for others and not me. In a good way I agreed that I need to be selfish for once and take care of me. To make me happy, make me feel handsome, make me feel smart, sexy, accepted, loved, wanted, part of life. Am I worried and scared? Hell yes! But for once I feel like I’m giving myself the tools and permission to take control of my life and be who I am rather than who I think I should be for others.

*sigh*

I’m still pre-op, waiting for all my paperwork to be gathered by the doc to submit to the insurance Company. It’s a stressful time for sure. Couple that with my naturally stressed nature, I’m really on edge. I’m trying to relax and take things as they come. It’s been easier said than done however. So how about you, pre or post op, no matter, what do you do to chill out? I’m assuming the gym is a big go to for everyone but what else do you do?

I'll definitely start looking now and work on getting the training I need. It'll probably be a bit loinger than just finding something while I'm out on leave. But I'm going to do the right thing and give proper notice. Discipline isn't a war to be won, but rather a battle to be fought daily.

Anyone else that can’t wait to find a new job after they lose weight? Not necessarily to goal but enough to get confidence and look good in interview clothes. I’ve overheard supervisors make snide comments about my size, have not been invited to lunches, after work events, meetings, passed over for promotions, wage increases, not given interviews for other jobs, etc. I can’t frigging wait to start looking for something else. Just need to stay until after my surgery this year, hopefully in a few months, then I’m looking. I’m sick of being the piss boy and getting treated like crap!

Look we all need to get along on this forum and follow the rules we all agreed with when we signed up. It is what it is. While you should check to see what area you are in is common courtesy, mistakes do happen. However, I've seen the same excuse from BOTH genders and typically its a repeat offender. I'm not casting stones to anyone on this thread just stating what I've seen. That being said. Lets move along!

Oh for Christ sake......

In a none creepy way, yes. I was raised by women, love women, respect women. Hell I've been accused of acting like a women. But for this go around with my weight loss journey there are some things that I want and need to talk with men about. I've not hung around with a lot of guys, and to be frank, I feel awkward around men a lot because of my upbringing and lack of social exposure with guys. I enjoy a lot of traditional guy stuff like Hunting, Fishing, cigars etc. But getting the perspective of guys on the subject of WLS is something that I need a little more than that of the ladies. I would NEVER post in the ladies only area and I'm always hyper vigilant in making sure I look where the post is prior to posting anything. To me its a basic, unbreakable form of respect to all. That being said, with regard to my original post. I feel a lot better today. I sat down and had a long talk with myself and did a bit of personal reflection. I wrote in my journal for about an hour this morning prior to work and I pretty much started recounting my life since my earliest memory. A life in review if you will. I see things with a little more clarity but I know I wont solve my worlds problems by just writing for a little while. I think men in general, aren't very good at taking stock of their life and putting things in perspective. We are fixers and doers. We try to act strong and be the stoic figure we are traditionally expected to be. And to a degree I believe that should be the way. However, it never hurts to expose your softer side either. Being emotionally vulnerable to other men is important and a private thing for a man. I hate to say it but as men sometime we don't need a women, we need to just be a dude.

I'm actually a big introvert so this is me a lot of the time. I get burned out pretty quick if I have a lot of "people" time. If my wife and kid are out of town visiting family or for gone for part of the day, I'm in my glory, piece and quiet and loads of me time.

Agreed, As part of my pre-op I'm seeing a counselor, and it helps. I think part of my problem is that I've lived most of my life for everyone else and not for me. Its a struggle to not think and act like that anymore but I'm making progress. Just frustrated that's all

No disrespect ladies, but this was posted in the Men's group. While I appreciate your concern and sympathy, I posted in the men's area to get a mans perspective. Sorry if it hurts feelings but it is what it is. Be that as it may, I'm curious to know what it is that you do when you feel like this to move on. Typically, I feel frustrated for a few days, say F*** it and pick up and move on. There has got to be a better way, I know major changes are taking place for me personally and I'm excited about it. I guess its the waiting and the unknown that's just fighting back.

The past week or so I've felt like I just don't care. I don't care about my job, writing in my journal, cooking, cleaning, being with my family. You name it, I don't care. To be clear, I don't want to hurt myself or do anything radical. I'm just tired of struggling every day. I know life isn't easy but it feels like I'm pushing a boulder uphill every friggin day.

Sounds like a plan. I'll get to shopping asap! Discipline isn't a war to be won, but rather a battle to be fought daily.

I'm interested to see how I'll be treated differently at work. I'm pre-op, 290 lbs, and go for my scope next week. After that I just need my psych clearance and I'm good. I see how my co-workers look at me, the downward glances at my belly and legs, the long stares at my hips when I sit in a chair. When I talk to my manager his eyes are focused on my body not my face. I feel I've been passed over for promotions because of my size. I loath the "food days", holiday celebrations, etc. I'm have gluten sensitivity so I can't eat what they bring even if I wanted. To be honest I wouldn't even if I could. These people are so shallow it makes me sick. I've decided that I'm going to have my surgery, get back on my feet and I'm looking for a new job. I'm not saying it will be sunshine and roses elsewhere but I'm not going to stay in a place that cultivates poor behavior towards people who have issues. I'm not even going to mention how they treat a women that is wheelchair bound...ugh pisses me off. Sorry for the rant. Sent from my SM-G950U using BariatricPal mobile app

Not a bad Idea, its a bit more than I wanted to spend but I have the luxury of time. I can watch for sales and save up. I can always use my handheld circular saw and some make shift fencing for long straight cuts if its called for. I'm not anticipating needing these for anything fancy.

OK Boys, Kind of a WLS question, kind of not. Even though I'm pre-op I'm thinking down the road. I want to build some patio furniture a simple farmhouse style dining room table and a indoor dog crate. I've never been a handy guy but I know how to work with power tools. I've been thinking of saws lately. I don't have a big power saw and I've been wonder what to get. Either a miter saw or a table saw. I'm leaning toward a table saw because I think it would be more versatile over all. But I think a miter saw would be a little more practical and portable. I don't have a ton of room as we live in a Townhome but I do have a 2 car garage. I'm not looking for a full blown workshop just an occasional simple project here or there. Any thoughts as to what kind of saw you would choose and what brand? Not looking to spend a crap ton of cash as it will be used occasionally, but I'd like a quality saw that will last. In closing, take your vitamins, drink water, exercise and don't eat crappy food. Thanks guys! Todd

For me its going to be a way for me to work through the process. To me food is an addiction. Not too much different than a narcotic to me actually. Like a drug, its been a way to deal with pain, anger, sadness, celebrations you name it. Like an addiction its messed with me emotionally and physically. The byproducts of my addictions has ruined large parts of my life and continues to have an impact. Its made me behave in ways that I shouldn't. I've alienated, hid, ignored, lied to myself and others for decades. The guilt that I've put on myself is big and its effecting more than just me. By journaling, I'll have "someone" to "talk" to. Its a place for me to put into words my thoughts and feelings. Its a way for me to be honest with myself and to lay bare what needs to be brought to light. Where will this take me over the long haul? I don't know. It might make my relationship stronger with my family or it could make me realize that I need to be on my own and go my separate way. Make no mistake, this may hurt for me to open up and be honest with myself. But I need to do it. I've hidden from my true self for decades, but it might just make me see who I really am. It might just show me that I'm actually a good person that isn't so upset with my world and that I don't need to be the "victim" about everything. Even though we all are, I'm not anymore special than anyone else.

Just ran out on my lunch break to pick up a small Moleskin to make daily entries. Might as well start now to get into the habit. Might help me break one habit and pick up a healthier one...writing. I've been kicking around some short stores for years, this might be the catalyst for better things from a creative side.

I'd be interested in what you find out. It stands to reason that "might" be part if the reason for the growth. There could be another reason, or rather a "co-reason" Depending on the fit of your clothes before, if they were snug/tight, the fabric might have abraded some of your hair off and now its coming back. Dunno...just tossing out the idea.

Hi Gang, I’ve been thinking of starting a daily journal. I’m pre-op and I’m currently seeing a counselor to work on some depression and co-dependency issues. I’ve been told in the past that it helps to write things down so you can see where you were and help you on the path of where you want to go. I also know from past experience, (way past) that journaling your exercise and nutrition intake on a daily basis helps tremendously. I know that following tradition men typically don’t put thoughts and feelings to paper. But seeing that we are in or seeking to be in a special circumstance that journaling may be of help. So what say you? Do you keep a daily journal and if so what about, no need for details, and how do you stay motivated to keep up on your entries?

Possibly your testosterone level being raised and causing you to grow hair? I know when you are heavy your estrogen levels are elevated. Could be a good thing unless you have some Yeti in your blood line...

Truth!

Interesting that you say this. I thought that I was cleared for my psych evaluation but a call to my surgeon’s office told me that I was NOT. I called the counselor and they want me to have a few more sessions to address some depression after that I will be cleared. Fast forward to yesterday, I went to a counselor for my initial visit and I talked for the hour and I came to realize, (not that it’s a huge surprise to me) that a lot of the issues in my life are related to my weight. Being a fat kid held me back, Let me restate that, being the fat kid I held myself back because of embarrassment and shame. Yes it didn’t help I was picked on by other kids and yes even adults including teachers. The thing is, being so young I was ill equipped with the knowledge and tools to make myself do my best regardless of adversity. By the time I was old enough it know how to better combat the negativity it was too late. Being shy, introverted and afraid to stand up for myself was the new “learned “normal. Now years later with age and wisdom (debatable LOL) I see the error of my ways and I see the damage I’ve done to my life. Don’t get me wrong its not all doom and gloom but I could have done a hell of a lot better for myself. Ultimately I have only myself to blame. BUT, knowing what I know now I’m able to seek out the help I need to work through this and I will be able to change what I need to. I’m purposely going to get the intellectual tools and the surgery that will help me change my life for the better. I’m going to focus on me, my family and my life. I knew this was going to be a mostly mental change but I didn’t think I would have as many epiphanies about myself as I’ve had in the last few weeks. I’m getting ready for the challenge that’s before me. I’m NOT going to let myself down again, I’m getting too old for that ****. Thanks for the kind words and the encouragement, I really appreciate it more that you guys could possibly know. Even though I don’t know you guys it’s nice to know that there are people out there that know what it’s like and have been through or are going through this process that can offer guidelines to help others.

Thanks for the insight Steve, I like your blog, I just read a few of the entries and I'll be back to read more. I know I can do this and I've actually lost weight prior but I've gained a lot of it back. I also know that I have to do this for me first and not anyone else. I pay next to no attention to myself other than making sure I'm clean and dressed. I take care of my family and the house and fill my time with that as the priority. I'm ready to really go out into the world and see what is there. I want to explore it with my family and enjoy it while being healthy and fit.

I’m currently pre-op and in the process of getting approved for sleeve surgery. I just took a cruise with my son who is 15, and I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. We went to the Bahamas and I feel like a total failure as a dad. My kid was zipping all over the ship up and down stairs asking me to do things and I couldn’t keep up. He practically begged me at times to do stuff and I couldn’t/wouldn’t. My clothes fit me awful and we skipped the “Elegant” dinner night because I didn’t have anything nice to wear. We walked to do some shopping on the island and I was a lather of sweat by the time we made it to the first store. I couldn’t/wouldn’t get a souvenir t-shirt because I was unsure how it would fit and I didn’t want to buy something and wait months to wear it after my surgery. My kid didn’t want to use the pool on the boat because I didn’t being my swim shorts or a shirt and would be jointing him. I’ll admit that I’m a bit vain like some folks are and I was crawling in my skin looking at the skinny, fit people all over the place showing skin and enjoying themselves. My point is that I feel like I robbed my kid, yet again, of father son time. I feel like I robbed myself of a good time too. The trip was meant to connect with my kid and relax. In a way I feel like it was a waste of time and money to some extent. Don’t get me wrong we had fun but not to the level that I know we should have. My solace is that I know that once I get approved I will have a tool that will help me be more productive in my weight loss. I know it’s not going to be easy and I will have many challenges put before me that I will need to overcome. I will finally NEED to address the mental BS that I have been struggling with since I was a little kid and figure out how to deal with it without hiding behind hurt feelings and food. I know I can and should do better for myself and my family. I’m going to need to eat right, take vitamins and make my fat ass get up and go to the gym, get healthy, get strong and show my son that being a man is, in part, about facing a challenge head on and working through it to the end. I’m going to dress nice for myself and my wife. Do fun things with my kid and take on the hobbies that I’ve been afraid to because of my size. I know things will change and I’m writing this more as a personal vent to myself and I’m not looking for confirmation of what has happened. I want to live a full life. Not just exist in a short sad one.