The

Interesting. I'm two weeks pre-op and it's too early for me to say. I think it's hard to set a goal based purely on weight or BMI, no matter how high or low. I can easily visualise how I want to look but I don't know what that is in kilos or pounds. I think doctors will always set expectations at lower weight loss levels. If clinical evidence suggests you lose,say, 70% of excess weight then that explains why their figure will always nudge higher. In truth there's likely to be a significant distribution of results either side of that number and given the complexity of the success factors they're safer predicting the average. I want my shoulders and my V shape back and to look good in particular clothes. I want to be able to mountain bike 20 or 30 miles and love it again. I want chafed thighs to be a thing if the past and to reacquaint myself and my wife with my penis. Those are targets that I can get my head round. All that said my gut feel is to go hard for 'normal'!

I'm having surgery in two weeks, so just starting my diet and, whilst I can't claim to be an expert in WLS, I know more than a little about behavioural psychology. Given that we are all, or have been, overweight enough to have undergone surgery it's pretty fair to assume that our relationship with food has been such that it has allowed us to gain and maintain significant weight. Everyone will have their own reasons for this, physiological or psychological, most likely a combination of the two. If we think about our operations as a physical reset, where for a period we are forced to consume only limited amounts of food, then we also need corresponding mental resets. Weighing food has a functional, physical benefit, perhaps more importantly it can help us psychologically. Weighing food can make us more mindful of our intake. Most of the time our brains work subconsciously, we're not 'thinking' we're making decisions based on habit, instinct and deep seated biases. When those aren't working for us we need to challenge them. Weighing food can help make deep links between our actions and their consequences, hopefully this will eventually start to challenge our habitual or comfort seeking impulses. There are awful lot of people who 'know' a lot about nutrition or habit but are still overweight. The weighing, amongst other things, isn't about knowledge it's about training our minds to take and support decisions tat are better for us. That's a lot harder but it's how you change long term behaviour.

Thanks Rudy, looking forward to when I stop looking like the guy in the middle again!

Good luck Kazzy, will be thinking of you!

Hi all, I'm three weeks away from having my bypass done and, partly prompted by reading here, I've been thinking about what my ultimate goal is. I have the BIG goals that motivated me to take the step - a longer life, more activity and fun with my young son, but they're pretty abstract. Right now I don't have an absolute target weight, until 4 or 5 or so years ago I was around 220 (I have to convert from KGs so it is approximate) so my weight now feels strange and alien anyway. I imagine I would be good somewhere between 160 and 200, which his still a pretty big gap. Oddly I have clothes that I would like to wear that are much more of a motivation (some in my wardrobe some yet to be bought). Well, I am more of pictures than numbers kind of guy. But seriously, have people set out with a rigid weight goal and then realised they were happy at some other point? Does setting a low weight goal help or does it lead to anxiety? I would be really interested to know how some you approached this as we're obviously doing something that has a whole life impact. How did you find things that were tangible? Cheers, J

Thanks mate!

Hello folks, Are any of you got operations coming up in the UK? As much as I value the US guys it would be good to get a sense of how other people are getting on here. I'm having my bypass on 12th July, so the countdown really does feel like it's begun. Cheers, J

There's a number of issues that are bundled together here. Firstly the carbonation seems obvious, sleeved or bypassed we've done something radical to our digestive pathway and the addition of that carbonation is going to complicate our, now more delicate, digestive systems. The 'diet drinks' issue is another. There is a growing body of research that suggests that aspartame, one of the main chemical sweeteners used in diet soda, could actually inhibit weight loss as it has a particular effect on gut enzymes. Other studies suggest that it continues to trigger the pleasure centres of the brain that are fired by sugar - thus ensuring we stay addicted to sugar. It, of course, wouldn't be the first time big business has sold us something that's both addictive and doesn't actually solve the problems it purports to. I'm trying to look ahead to the changes I need to make to get the most out of my bypass. I don't like diet colas anyway so that's not an issue. It does strike me that getting off these 'diet' solutions - and if they were all so effective we wouldn't be on this WLS forum - can only be a good thing. I love naturally sparkling mineral water, but given that I want this to work I think going still is a small sacrifice to make. Then again, I will miss champagne though.

This is really interesting. I'm three weeks away from my bypass and was chatting to my nutritionist about my expectations and hopes for weight loss. In all honesty I couldn't say. A number feels terribly arbitrary and not very helpful. A big motivation for me is to be able to play and run about more with my five year old as he grows up. My weight gain really curtailed my physical activity and now I'm so keen to live more of my life outdoors that, for me, success will feel like being able to cycle and climb hills without wheezing and sweating (actually walking up stairs without wheezing and sweating would be a good start). Beyond that my self image is important, but I have no idea what weight corresponds to when I look great again. Watching the numbers is clearly invaluable in terms of what you eat and how much exercise you do - but when you use numbers as your sole measure of success I imagine there's a danger you disappoint yourself even when your achievements are immense.

This is an interesting topic. I'm having bypass in 3 weeks and in the last six months (since I have moved back to the UK from Australia) I have really sensed that I'm discriminated against thanks to my weight and image. I gained a lot of weight over the last 5 years (having a non-sleeping baby started it!) and went from happily overweight to constantly ill and highly restricted. In that period I've noticed people's attitudes toward me change markedly. I work in the quite image conscious world of advertising and design. Before I left Australia I was Managing Director of a company and, I don't have to be modest here, have a pretty impressive resume. I've had interviews since then and, this has knocked my confidence badly, I know people are thinking 'he doesn't look like us' and 'he doesn't have the image we want to present to the world'. It's sapped my confidence and acted as a catalyst for getting on this train. I'm not sure about a dream job now. I'm lucky enough to have a supportive wife and enough cash in the bank to take a few months off (after selling our house in Sydney). I'm giving myself some time to work on my health an happiness, have and recover from my operation and to properly spend time on researching and writing a novel. It's good to hear that some of you chaps have found that your successful weight loss has also led to better work situations. It's bloody sad that we live in a world where that isn't a surprise but given what we've gone through and the efforts we make it's about time someone got a break!

Full of typos. Fat fingers.

Dear Amethyst, Don't beat yourself up. Your body has gone through massive physical trauma and you will have undergone significant hormonal changes - depression is a perfectly natural response - and a side effect you can overcome. If you can find a therapist - someone who specialises in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) should be really useful if you need help with the choices you are making. Little Lizxie's advice is good to, sunlight and exercise have positive physiological effects that will help boost your mood. But it's really important not to feel guilty. You've been brace and honest and there are an awful lot of people like you who have the same anxieties and feelings - they just haven't shared them. Good luck, get some help to make some positive changes and try to think of this as part of the journey.

Yep, that's the way to respond to someone who's suffering from depression. Classy and empathetic.

Hey Philly, Good for you! I'm July 12th and a lot of questions like 'who do I tell' are going through my head too. I think it's best not to worry too much about the things we can't control - like how other people will react - there are dozens of small practical things to consider so I'm just focussing on those. Good luck with the operation - hope to hear how well you're doing soon! J

So, today it feels real. I had my nutritionist meeting yesterday and, after a few weeks of everything feeling rather abstract I now feel like the ride has started. My surgery is on the 12th of July and I start my strict pre-op diet on the 28th of June, those are nice small tangible steps. I've started to make some changes already and happily I've lost 4kg in the last couple of weeks, with a little luck and a pre-op diet I should be below 50BMI before the op. Whilst that will save me some money the real plus will be the sense of direction and achievement it's given me. I feel like I'm in a good place, not quite zen like but still relaxed and positive. I've had a couple of sessions with a therapist who I've found, I want to work on my emotional resilience before all these changes begin. Some of what we talk about is challenging but given the other changes (I only moved back to the UK, after 14 years in Australia, in October) that's good. The surgery feels like a circuit breaker, but it's going to be a job if work to get all of the benefits. My wife could not be more supportive and my five (and a half) year old is happy someone is helping 'Daddy get a smaller tummy'. So let the journey begin!

I'm in on 12th of July - I really can't wait, even with the nerves!

Thanks James, I can see the wisdom in all three.

It's my first time here and I decided to join because the warmth and candour of your discussions is genuinely inspirational. I'm a little bit overwhelmed by the prospect of going under the knife in six weeks. I can't wait but nevertheless the prospect has stirred up all sorts of emotions - from fear to odd things like the anxiety about telling my five (he would correct me and say 'five and a half') year old son that his Dad is going into hospital. Everything seems scarily abstract and I'm imagining a lot about what could go wrong. I see the dietitian in nine days, so I suppose that will help me feel that this is more real - tangible is good for my sense of control. In the meantime I wonder do you have any tips? How did you prepare? What's the right mindset to go in with? How did you feel about the surgery before it happened? Thanks in advance, Jx