sleepyjean

why is it difficult to drink water? Doesn't it just go right through? *confused*

Did you self-pay? Because if you're insured and your carrier refuses to cover it, that would be SO wrong.

Karen, you’re right. We’re in the same boat. I’m trying to get insurance to cover it, because then I would only be $500 out of pocket instead of $15,000. I know there’s always the Mexico option and I’m pretty sure I’d get approval, but I don’t have the money. Unfortunately, I don’t have anything I can sell or refinance, and I fear debt like little kids fear the boogie man. It’s almost – but not quite – a phobia. The stress would probably cancel out any health benefits gained from losing weight. Good grief. I was just working it out, if I financed it and went to Mexico; it would take me nine years to pay it all off.

Ok waaaaaaaaaaait a second. Burping? Passing gas? sleeping in a recliner? Woohoo - something to look forward to. Does Gas-X help at all? Seriously - a recliner? The only chairs I own are a pappasan and the wooden chairs in my kitchen. Oy.

(((((((((((((good luck vibes))))))))))))))

Issue #1 – I’m a borderline case. BMI is 37.7. I have the usual aches and pains that go along with being this size, but no co-morbidities (that I know of). Also, I have a family history of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, cancer, and obesity. Issue #2 – I’m in treatment for depression. Blah blah blah, long story, but it’s been a major contributor to my weight gain – especially in the last 6 months. Yesterday, Dr. switched my meds, hoping the new combo will be more effective. Issue #3 – I have been working with a diet coach/behavior therapist since June. Her m.o. is “Go slow. Focus on changing one bad habit at a time.” Apparantly I'm a lost cause becuase I’ve actually <i>gained</i> 13 pounds since starting with her. @#%&^!! Issue #4 - My physical is on 10/29, so I have a whole month to agonize over all this. The Dilemma: I now find myself in the bizarre position of NOT wanting to lose weight. Has the world gone mad? I feel like I have to hang onto every pound I’ve got because it may make the difference between approved and denied. Meanwhile, I’ve got coach lady encouraging me to exercise, and eat veggies, and at the same time, I’m worried that the new meds might actually work. The problem is, I could lose 10-15 pounds by myself. But the band is the only thing that’s going to help me lose the 90 or so that really need to go. On the one hand, I want to do things that are healthier for myself. On the other hand, if I can gain 10 more pounds, that puts me in a better position to be approved. Ack! What do I do?

It sounds to me like you need to press your mental RESET button. Have you ever tried therapy? A lot of therapists (in my opinion) are useless, but if you can find one you click with, it will really help you change your outlook and get rid of all the self-defeating crap cluttering up your mind. You will get to the root of why you make the choices you make. Only then will you begin to make different, healthier choices. Just a thought.

I know this is going to sound horrible, but if I die, I'm dead, so I have no worries. I'm not married, no children, not close to my family and don't have any real friends to speak of. My only concern is what will happen to my cat and my fish. (I will make provisions for someone at work to come get them if something happens to me. I'm glad I won't be around for that since none of my co-workers will even know I'm having the surgery. *awkward*) However, if I die on the table and my pets wind up suffering or neglected because the hospital didn't notify the right people, I will be really really really pissed off and will probably haunt the surgeon for all eternity.

As a pre-bander who is deathly afraid that I will not be able to change my habits either, I'll just pass on my mantra "If you think you can or think you can't, you're right." Never give up trying. Sometimes the actual "doing" is what gives you the motivation to continue.

Happy Birthday. :-)

I think you do care if she knows because you're spending a certain amount of energy on it. Don't get me wrong, I understand where you're coming from. It's hard when you think other people are talking about you behind your back. (But isn't learning how to deal with that the whole point of high school? LOL) Also, why speculate as to your husband's thoughts and motivations? Why not just ask him? As my old shrink used to tell me, "you need to step back and take a look at this for what it is." You're stressing out because you THINK that at some point in the future, she MIGHT be thinking something bad about you." Worring about something that you have no control over and might not even happen is a great way to make yourself crazy. And if she does find out later, do you really care about her opinion? I bet she wasn't fretting over what YOU would think about HER when she got the surgery. My guess is that her attitude is "I told my story and I'm sticking to it. I don't give a crap what anyone else says/thinks/does." And as someone who doesn't plan to tell a soul about my surgery, I'm right there with her.

LOL, sadly people will always have something to say. Next it will be "you've lost too much weight. You look sick. You're not as nice/accomodating/selfless (insert whatever adjective was convenient for everyone but yourself) since you lost weight."

Compared to the pre-band days, I mean. All my (failed) attempts at behavior modification are what got me where I am now. I worry that the band would be a waste of time and expense for me because if I haven’t been able to change my behavior until now, what makes me think it will change if I get banded? The band won’t drag me to the gym. The band won’t stop me if I decide to binge on a ton of high-calorie soft stuff that goes down easy. What has this been like for all of you who are already banded? Is it still a major challenge for you? I’m so gun-shy right now. I want to believe in this, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle yet another failure. This surgery is my last resort, and if go through with it and STILL can’t get my act together, I just don’t know...

Wow, that's so awful. I'm glad she was able to go without pain, though.

Thanks so much everyone. I can't tell you what it meant to me to find this community. Actually, I probably don't have to tell you - right? This is the first time in my life I've ever been around people who really understand what this struggle is like. It makes me sad because if I hadn't felt so alone in this for all these years, I probably wouldn't be as bad off as I am now. But thanks to you guys, I'm looking on the bright side. Patience isn't one of my virtues, but it looks like I'm about to learn.

Wow, you are an enterprising group! Hee hee

Okay, so I know I’m obese. And I know the problem has worsened significantly over the past year. But I never seriously considered obesity surgery until recently. After all, surgery is for people “with a real problem” and that’s not me, right? I mean, I’m fat, but I don’t have any of those problems all “those other people” have. I guess at least part of me continued to believe that even as I began researching WLS. Part of me thought, “Well, my BMI is under 40, so it’s not like this is really critical for me. I mean, it’s not like I weigh 2,000 pounds. I’m just sorta checking it out.” Do you know what a “come to Jesus” moment is? Because I just had one. And now I am Scared. To. Death. I just found and read the NIH guidelines on obesity and the conditions that make surgery medically necessary. My BMI is 37, but I didn’t score too well on any of the other indicators. If I don’t have any of the co-morbidities at this point, it’s a miracle. I could easily have all kinds of problems that have gone untreated because I haven’t seen a doctor in over 10 years. In short, I realized I’ve been completely delusional – for YEARS. Y’all I am one of “those other people!!!!” Can someone please talk me down? Because I’m sitting here at my desk, absolutely freaking out but trying not to show it. Not so much because of my condition – now I’m in a panic because what if my health insurance denies me? I have to wait a whole month to find out if my PCP will even refer me to bariatrics for evaluation. And then what if they tell me I have to do a medically sponsored diet or some other crap for a year? I’ve been having some dizzy spells lately. There are only 19 pounds between me and a BMI of 40. What if I’m already dying? I’m ready to run out of the office, grab my credit card, and head for Tijuana. Gah! Sorry. I know I’m being a drama queen, but it was either this or go sit in my car and scream as loud as I can for a solid ten minutes.

I know this is a personal question, but thought I'd throw it out there for those who don’t mind answering. I’m a borderline case. If my insurance company approves my application, everything will be covered except for $500. If they don’t approve my application I may consider going to Dr. Ortiz or Dr. Kuri in Mexico. Even though the Mexico option is much less expensive than self-pay here in the states, it’s still a lot of money to me. (Particularly since I got ripped off by a “personal training/total fitness company” and lost most of my savings. Still recovering financially. Grrrr…) I don’t know where I would get $10,000 from for the surgery. For those who’ve had to get a little creative to find ways to pay for the surgery, I’d love to hear how you did it. I’m looking for ideas. If I thought it would actually work, maybe I’d put up a website asking for donations. Thanks SJ

I've heard of him, but unfortunately, I can't tell you anything terribly valuable. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I took a temp job at the front desk in surgery at USCUH. They did a lot of different procedures there – the cosmetic stuff was done somewhere else, but where I was working, they did a lot of gastric bypass, orthopedic, heart, and brain procedures. None of the surgeons really spoke to anyone there unless you were in the operating room. They just kind of breezed in, went right into the OR, and breezed back out, so I didn’t get to know any of them. I don’t think I’d even recognize Dr. K on the street because I only ever saw him with a surgical mask over his face. Dr. K does a LOT of bariatric surgery – several of them each week when I was working there. He’s one of the best and could probably do them in his sleep. He was a quiet guy, very professional and willing to explain things to the residents. (A couple of the other surgeons over there were absolute nightmares. One was verbally abusive to the nurses and techs and another guy would absolutely freak if anyone spoke at all during his procedures. The only voice he wanted to hear was his own. The residents had to stand back and watch, they couldn’t ask questions or anything.) One of the great things I liked about working there is they let me go in and watch some of the procedures, and I got to see Dr. K do two laparoscopic gastric bypass operations. It was totally cool! USC is a teaching hospital, so there is likelihood that there will be observers in the room during your surgery. I’m not saying that to freak you out, but just as an FYI. In any case, I never saw the person being operated on. They get you in there, on the table, prepped, and knocked out before any observers can go in, so by the time people like me get in there, all we can see of you is the opening in the sheet where the doctors are working. I never saw anyone’s face and never saw anyone naked. Also, the only other observers in there were surgical residents. I was the only one who clearly had no purpose in being there except personal interest. (And they only started letting me in once they noticed me hanging around outside the OR trying to see the tv screens for the laparoscopic procedures.) So in case I’ve freaked you out, you needn’t worry about having a boatload of strangers gawking at you while you’re on the table. Anyway, if you’re going with Dr. Katkhouda (Kat KOO duh), you’re in good hands. The man’s got a lot of experience.

I know a lot of people have had the procedure done in Mexico because they were denied by their health insurer here, or because they had to self-pay and it’s significantly less expensive down there. Forgive me if the answer is here and I just haven’t found it, but do you have to go through a process to be eligible for the procedure in Mexico? What is involved? I’ve been skimming some of the information here and it seems like you just tell them you want it, they give you a physical, and then they just schedule the surgery. Is there more to it? I’m researching this as an option as I am a borderline case and may be denied by healthnet. Also, I live in Los Angeles and Mexico is just a hop skip and a jump away, so I’d be able to go back for fills. For people who don’t go back, how do you find someone else to do the fills? I don’t think my insurer would cover fills for a procedure they didn’t cover…? Thanks SJ

Woo....freaky. Are we the same person? I just joined the group too. I also recently turned 31, my BMI is 37, I am concerned about having borderline eligibility, and am waiting to meet with my PCP to talk about it. I don't have PCOS or any children, but close enough, right? Maybe we'll get through this at the same time. My current issue is that I can't get in to see my PCP until December. It's only been a week since I made the appointment, and I'm already about to tear my hair out from impatience. Lucky you gets to go soon. Let us know how it goes.

Thanks you guys. It's just nice to have a place where people understand. Now that I've decided to pursue this seriously, I want to get started! It's killing me, knowing that I have to wait 2.5 months just to get a physical. Then, whether I'm approved or not, there's even more waiting - either while I'm gaining even more weight, or because I know I'll have to go through the whole medically-supervised diet thing. When I think about how long this whole process will take, it's so discouraging. It's like being homeless your whole life and someone gives you a palace to live in - only you have to wait two years for the key to the front door! *bummed* I come here and read about how everyone is doing and I'm envious. I'm so sick of being caught in the diet/binge cycle. I just want to get on with the rest of my life, you know? Not that I think getting banded will turn me into a whole new person. I just desperately need to believe that success is possible. It certainly doesn't seem like it right now. I kind of feel like a ticking time bomb. [exit drama queen, stage left]

I am brand new to this community and haven't even been to the doctor to find out if I'm even eligible, but I know that if/when I get banded, I'm not going to tell anyone. It's nobody's business but my own. But I tend to keep personal things to myself anyway. I'm the one living in this body and it's a decision I have to make on my own. I don't need other people's opinions cluttering up my mind.

Hi everyone, I’m new to the group. ffice:office" /><O:p></O:p> A little about me: I just turned 31 two weeks ago, but I don’t “feel” 31. I’m sure everyone says that! I’m not married, I live alone, no children, and I watch a lot of cartoons on Nickelodeon. It’s a clear case of arrested development. <O:p></O:p> I’m somewhere between 5’6” and 5’7”, depending on who’s doing the measuring, and I weigh at least 230 pounds, possibly more. I weighed myself in June and I was at 217 and I can tell I’ve gained some weight since then. I’m guessing my BMI is around 37. I’m afraid to weigh myself and find out for sure, because I fear it will trigger a feeling of complete hopelessness and the binge to end all binges. <O:p></O:p> I’d always shied away from any kind of medical stuff. I haven’t had a physical in over 10 years because it was always such a terrifying experience when I was a little kid. I screwed up my courage and gave blood last month and while I’m glad I did it, it was a horrifying experience and not one I’m likely to repeat. The idea of gastric bypass scares the crap out of me. And I worry about scarring because I’ve had keloids in the past. But then I started reading about the lap band and am thinking this might be an option for me. For the first time in my life, the pain of living my life in this body has overpowered my abject fear of all things medical and any concern I ever had about scarring. (It’s actually kind of funny, I temped in the surgical wing of a hospital for about 4 months. It was fascinating. They let me go in to watch many of the operations. I saw 5 or 6 gastric bypass operations, knee surgeries, even one brain surgery. And I wasn’t squeamish at all. But that’s because it wasn’t ME. The thought of ME lying on that table makes me feel ill.) <O:p></O:p> I haven’t been obese my whole life. I started out chubby – always about 10-15 pounds overweight. I remember having a 30 inch waist when I was 11 years old. But I didn’t become obese until my mid 20s. My entire adult life, my weight has always been on the way up or on the way down. I’ve never been able to maintain my weight at any level. I’ve dieted and I’ve succeeded, but I’ve always done what I swore I’d never do – I gained the weight back (and then some.) My most recent attempt was in 2002, when I joined weight watchers (again) and dieted down to 138. It didn’t last, of course. And at that weight, I was still a little chubby. That makes me think that I must have a small frame and probably my ideal weight is around 130 or so. Anyway, my point…and I’m getting to it, I promise – is that in my mind I’m about 100 pounds overweight. Like a lot of you, I’m sure, I remember certain events by what I weighed at the time. 172 when I started college. 154 when I graduated. 135 after my first semester in grad school. (That was the exercise 90 minutes a day and eat nothing but two bagels and a can of tuna for the entire day phase.) 165 a year later when I was in my friend’s wedding. 173 after a year on my first job 154 after freaking out about the above and joining weight watchers It went on and on until I joined weight watchers again at 220 pounds and lost 70. That was in 2002. Since then, it’s been a steady climb upwards. The weight gain has actually accelerated in the last year. When I finally quit the rip-off personal training place, I was at 182. That was this past January. And look at me now. I’m scared to death. Why even bother trying to lose weight if in the end, I’ll only be heavier? I don’t think I can handle failing again. Feeling like a loser again. Busting out of my clothes again. <O:p></O:p> I’ve been researching the heck out of this lap band thing. I originally thought it made you lose weight simply because you can’t eat as much. After reading up on it, I’ve learned that I will still have to change my lifestyle and eating habits. Three small meals a day. No liquids before, during, or after meals. Exercise is required. I’ll have to chew my food into mush before I swallow and I won’t be able to eat solids for a month after the surgery. Also, I learned that there are ways to cheat and get more food down the hatch. Part of me is thinking that if I were capable of making these changes, I wouldn’t need the surgery. The other part of me is thinking that the surgery would be an extremely important tool to help me get where I need to go. And surgery would give me something I haven’t had in a long time: HOPE. <O:p></O:p> I have Healthnet for my insurance and they cover the lap-band. I would only have to pay about $500. My worry is that I won’t qualify for the procedure because I’m not quite big enough, haven’t been obese long enough, and don’t have a medical history of co-morbidities. My position is that the surgery is inevitable, because if I don’t do something, I will continue to gain weight. But I doubt my saying so will get me approved for the surgery. <O:p></O:p> Healthnet told me the first thing I need to do is get a physical, so I scheduled an appointment. The bad news is – the Dr. can’t see me until Dec. 12. I was really hoping to get moving on this. I belong to the UCLA Santa Monica medical group and they have a ton of residents there. I could probably get in to see one of them in the next couple of weeks. But I’ve researched my PCP. I don’t know anything about any of the residents and since this is the first time I’m seeing a doctor in over a decade and I’m going to ask this person to refer me to bariatrics, I want someone who knows what she is doing. I’m sure first and second year doctors are fine, but…no. Am I being crazy? Should I just see one of the residents and get this show on the road? <O:p></O:p> But back to qualifying…I did some research and the rule is you have to have a BMI of 40 or a BMI of 35 plus co-morbidities. I don’t know if the co-morbidity thing will fly. First off, I have nothing documented, and secondly, I’m pretty sure I don’t have any of the biggies: diabetes, sleep apnea, etc. I read somewhere that depression counts, and I’ve been battling that with different doctors over the past 8 or so years. I’ve also got pain in my back and knees. I’ve started getting dizzy sometimes. I start perspiring at the drop of a hat and I’m get out of breath easily. I get really bad chafing and welts on my inner thighs. I have a welt right now that hurts so bad, it’s hard to walk. <O:p></O:p> Since the age of 18, I’ve seen two nutritionists, joined weight watchers 3 times (or was it four?), tried the lemonade fast, tried Trim-Spa (with and without ephedra) seen a therapist, been on anti-depressants, tried the “eat sensibly” thing which, if I could do that, I wouldn’t have this problem in the first place. I’ve had a gym membership for 10 years and have actually used it. I’ve done the 90 minutes of exercise every day thing. I even tried to make myself vomit, but I just couldn’t seem to make it happen. (And believe me I’ve tried.) Last year, I got ripped off for $5000 by a personal training company, and I’m still recovering from that financially. Right now, I’m working with a diet coach who is trying to help me by having me take very small baby steps that focus on changing my habits and my lifestyle rather than just losing weight. I’ve been working with her for about three months now. I’m now drinking 70+ oz of Water every day and I’ve given up fast food, but I just eat other crap so it hasn’t affected my weight. <O:p></O:p> Overweight and obesity run in my family (no one looks morbidly obese to me, but a lot of us are fat in my family.) My father has high blood pressure and had prostate cancer. My mother has high cholesterol. I never knew any of my grandparents, but I know two of them had cancer. Is that enough, do you think? I feel horrible asking that question, but I’m trying to figure out what I need to say to the doctor. The other thing I’m worried about is I don’t have a support system at all. I’m not close to my family at all, and they all live thousands of miles away. I moved here to ffice:smarttags" /><?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com<ST1:place w:st="on">Los Angeles</ST1:place></st1:City> in 2002 and haven’t made any friends. I’ve been too busy hiding away in my apartment, feeling ashamed. The only social interactions I have are with the people at work. Yes it’s lonely and it sucks, but I’m pretty used to it. I wonder if my lack of a support network will factor into the decision to approve my application for the surgery. <O:p></O:p> I guess it would help if anyone could maybe tell me about your journey – what your experience was and how you got through it. And maybe you guys will have some advice to pass on. Be brutally honest. Should I just forget this whole thing until I clearly qualify for it? Was it hard for you to change your eating habits? Has anyone gained the weight back? Is it possible to lose weight and be “normal” sized, or will the formerly obese always be a little chubby? Anyone have a problem with excess skin? Do you know of anyone the lap band did NOT work for? Is there anything I should say to the doctor when I see her? <O:p></O:p> I don’t know what to do. I just know that I’m extremely unhappy, I’m nervous as all get out, I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, and I don’t know what to do or which way to go… <O:p></O:p> Ugh. This is so depressing. What I wouldn’t give for one day – 24 solid hours – when I don’t have to think about food or my weight. I just want to get on with my life. <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p>Thanks, all. I know this was super long. <O:p></O:p> SJ