Nykee

YOU HAD to remind me about cool whip! j/k IT must go down easily.. lol

And lastly.. phew (I wish I was following along the whole time) I want to post how I ate prebanding.. ANd Hope it shows, that although my food logs are terrible.. ITs alot better than before.. and whenever I LOOK AT MY PAST HABITS.. It really hits hard that I made amazing changes. I STILL NEED TO MAKE MORE>> I KNOW THAT PREBANDING HABITS FOR THE LAST DECADE: I HAD to have fast food daily, many times more than once.. I would feel all uptight and maybe three days a month I couldnt get something.. If I couldnt get my little cheeseburger or rodeo burger, KFC snacker's, cheese curds, taco's, nachos, Chicken sands, onion rings, corn dogs, burettos, TOO MUCH TO LIST. (one thing, not all things each day, lol) Fries with 4pack MAYO, 1 mustard and 4 Ketsup.. I would cry if the mustard was absent.ect... If the fries were cold I would cry.. I would blame others, I would be a bitch to everyone. I would buy many items to keep in the house to heat up. Breakfast egg Muffins, hershey pies, cheeseburgers. I would throw food across the room if I didnt get what I wanted, I begged people to make runs to get me these fast foods. I was so picky and everything had to be exactly how I wanted or I felt abused or hurt. I HAD TO DRINK ALL DAY LONG. and night(not alcohal) I had a rootbeer float or a coffee drink or a smoothie everyday, minus maybe 4 times a month. Sometimes 2 or 3. I had to have one or feel sad. I could drink 1 to 5 slurpies a day in the summer. I to 5 a week in the winter. I have drank 10 slurpees in a day a few times. I drank a gallon of milk and/ or juice per day. EVERY DAY, sometimes more. There had to be milk in the house at all times and everyone made sure of it, daily ritual. It came before toilet paper if need be.. If I was out of juice and no one would get me some I would cry and feel extreme anxiety. I would gulp it like a maniac with tons of ice in order to feel alive. I am still addicted to juice and milk to this day. GOING OUT TO EAT MORE THAN THE RICH FOLK DO! I went out to china, resturants, KFC, buffets, about 4 times a month. THATS ONCE A WEEK. I always took someone with me. I would take one kid or one friend at a time, so I benifited going each and every time. I would spent bill money on it unable to resist. I did this all the time.. I spent money we couldnt afford on pizza and delivery of China food ALL the time. Pizza was in the house NO less than once a week. I would seriously be holding the money, knowing i cant afford it, it was a HUGE mistake and the food was just too tempting. Utilites were shut off, lanlords didnt get paid.. Groceries in the house The house food I ate was corndogs, nachos, frozen foods galore, quiche, candy, chips and cookies, crap cerial, cheese, lunch meat, hotdogs, bagels and cream cheese.. We made a simple meal once a month on average. Then it was a frozen lasangue or spegetti or chilli or parm pasta with shrimp, a salad from a bag and a premade french bread roll. I HATE POSTING THIS.. THIS was my life THE DAY before banding. So, I cant help but feel alot better, about my food logs. But I know I need to move further.. THANK YOU FOR LISTNing. I am reposting this on my food log..

PHOTNUT) I know that thin people eat snacks. I know that it is unreasonable to think that I will never eat another hamburger in my life. I was asking why we push the band to such extremes and eat way beyond the recommended allowances thereby making ourselves sick or risk ruining our bands, because frankly.. it astounds me that this thing we call our food demon could have such a grip on us that we would go to such lengths to ruin something that might just finally help us get past this. Nykee) I dont push my band to extremes. I do not abuse my band. I dont PB, I dont eat past the point where it causing problems for my band. Incase you didnt know that about ME personally. I do however eat beyond the reccomended allowances and eat all the wrong foods. BUT THAT IS COMPLETELY different than eating things or eating to the point where you abuse the band... have pains and PB and all that stuff.. PHOTONUT) Those of you who felt it was too harsh, judgemental, hypocritical, uncaring, unsupportive, pious, or otherwise hurtful, this thread was not intended for you. You may go back to your soft hugs and eat however you like. One suggestion though, the next time you want to share about the 2,000 calorie meal you just ate, start your post with - Dont really want to make a change, just want sympathy. At least I tried. Nykee) Nothing you said untill the post above offended me at all. I share my 2000 to 3000 calorie meals... and if you meant me: (cuz I dont see many others at all) YOU MISSED the fact that I ABSOLUTELY DO WANT TO MAKE A CHANGE AND I ABSOLUTELy DO NOT WANT SYMPATHY AND IMO, you cant TRY anything with misinformation or wrong judgements.

Heather girl) I myself have stopped reading the daily posts of people that aren't losing weight and what they are eating. Gimme a break, some of the stuff these people are eating just completely shocks me. And then they bitch about not losing weight??? Nykee) See my above post.. And I AM losing weight. BTW in case you didnt know. And some of the logs people have here, seriously SHOCK me.. I cant see how SO MANY can follow such perfect diets.. I MEAN if they were able to do so, WHY oh WHY did they get the band to begin with.???

Big paul) I have been reading a lot of posts lately, and not responding out of a bit of frustration. I gat frustrated when I see folks post their daily meals, and everyday... no occasionally, but everyday consists of sugared cereal, tacos, hamburgers, KFC, steaks and baked potatoes with the works, chips, cookies etc. Once again, and I do feel the need to repeat this, I AM NOT AGAINST TREATS, they are fine on an occasional basis... BUT NOT EVERYDAY, FOR EVERY MEAL!!! Many of the same folks doing this, complain about slow, or no weight loss, duh! You eat too many calories, you do not lose. Simple. The band does not limit CALORIE intake...You need to do that. Nykee) I am one who posts logs on my food intake and that intake REEKS of the worst food choices that could ever be made. EVERYDAY TOO. I complain of slow or lack of weight loss, BUT I NEVER CLAIM to NOT know WHY! I KNOW I eat too much calories, eat too much crap, eat around the band. I KNOW I need to limit my calorie intake. I still want the right to POST.. Many appreciate me. MAny dont. I really hate to think I am causing anyone any real distress.. IF its SO bad, if you see NYKEE, dont read. I ALMOST feel like quitting, BUt I cant let a few people who dont like my shit, have me feeling like running away. I REFUSE TO. I need this. I HOPE people KNOW that I am using this site for personal reasons. I need a place to be HONEST and TRUTHFULL and to be able to spill my guts and be able to come back and read it, and reflect and try to learn something about my self. I Know I could do this on some private blog or a wordprocessing program. BUT I JUST feel its somehow BETTER and more helpfull to me to do it on a messegeboard. I use this board to do it about band stuff and another board to do it about the rest of my life. I know it opens me up to looking like a fool, and a whiner, a total freak...amongst other things, BUT THATS OK, with me. There is something MIGHTY powerful, IMO, to be able to be 100% honest and do it in front of someone.. even if its strangers I dont really know and I will never know just what they think of me or judge me about.. I DONT need to know about that as much as I care about MY ABILITY to BE honest OUTLOUD in some capacity. Its very important for me. I am a fuck up. I wish I could post better things about myself.. BUT one thing about this thing I do, is I focus on the neggatives, in my REAL life everyone knows me for the GOOD and the POSSITIVES and this is my release. I am not HIDING my neggatives in real life, I just wouldnt dare bring everyone around me into it all, they dont need that shit.. I Guess you guys dont either EXCEPT I exspect its OK cus this is a support website for the lapband thus food related and mental problems with obesity and all that. MOST IMPORTANT THING TO KNOW ABOUT ME.. I am just being honest. I am NOT looking for attention or sympathy or people to tend to me or worry about me. I APPRECIATE the support, advice and communication.. I really do, When I get defensive, iTS ALL ABOUT ME.. I am anxious about my situation NOT AT anyone.. About EVERYONE here is less self absorbed as me and more supportive and has better advice. I am selfish I guess. I am sorry. I am trying to be a better bandster and a better lapbandtalk.com poster overall. P.s I appologize for the typos but I dont want to fix them. Sorry BIgpaul) But Kim, this is what I am talking about... Go see a dietician, they might be able to show you how to make delicious (for your taste buds) foods, or a professional chef. If you are struggling with your food, then maybe a Psychiatrist might help you to get to some of the issues you have with eating. I'm not talking about stopping anything overnight, I'm talking about getting the help you need. You got the band, right? Then why is everyone so afraid to look at the rest of the picture, that there may be more help you need AFTER the band? Is that so bad? To admit you need help? Rather than just accepting it, FIGHT IT... If it makes you depressed then a professional just might be the way to get past it... If you went through everything to get the band, why would you give up on yourself now? You can beat it, but it requires help. Get the help! Get with a PROGRAM, not a diet, not a surgery... a PROGRAM! I know you can do it! NYKEE) Your assuming we havent done any of this.. I infact have done it all.. and then some. AND if you know I can do it... (get with the program) YOUR have been misinformed. You dont know me and what I have done for the last 20 years. I MAY never get with the program.. I MAY, I never lose hope. 400,000 people a year die NOW of obesity related problems each year... THEY couldnt get with the program, DO YOU think THEY ALL COULd HAVE?? P.s.. My all caps are not yelling.. jsut enphasizing.. I think your a really neat person who only has the best intentions and a really big heart.

HEY, I NEVER received any notifications for this thread.. OR I overlooked it. I was researching my posts (looking for something) and came accross this. I am sorry i never came back to respond. I mean it to be about SEX.. BUT NOW we have all been talking about it a plenty... So better later than never!

THANK YOU DONALLI, I love your posts. They always make perfect sence!

YES aND THIS ONE TOO,.. i love AND AGREE WITH this RESPONSE TOO

I am only to post 22 of this thread.. So far I think what Penni said above is very good in response to the starter of this threads concerns or questions..

I slept last night for a few hours and each time I woke up to go pee.. I was able to stop by the fridge and have some gupls of grape juice. Plus this morning arouns 7am when i got up, I have been able to gulp two cups of chocolate milk so far. OBVIOUSLY that Shot really really opened me up. Even before my last fill, before this fill and before my menstation.. I COULD NOT DO THAT EVER upon waking or in the middle of the night upon waking. This is a good thing, by the time it wears off, I will be off my period. (I didnt bleed all night but I had hella cramps, it should be all over by today) It has ran accross my mind that my stomach 'unswelled' SO much that my band has slipped oFF.. BUt that doesnt seem possible or realistic.. BUT its still a scare when I am sitting here able to eat.. I just know if I try to have some soup (chunky kind) It will go down. IF I dont restrcit back within this day.. I am going to be real worried. I am NOT taking any extra prednisone like he prescribed me to do when I opened up.. The shot is ENOUGH! When I tighten back up.. What I am gonna do is take the prednisone at night starting at 40 ml, (he gave me 60mg a day to take) (I already have took 20 ml plenty of times (for my back, when I have plans to go out) and it never made a difference. I will see if this helps with morning restriction.. and If it does, and the side effects arent horrible.. I will go in for another fill. I will test this for atleast a month. I DONT know though, IF my primary care doctor will support 60 miligrams a day.. OR 60 everyother day.. OR whatever dose I find is good. HE only gives me 5mg a day, but thats cuz I was over 400 pounds and I had diabeties.. MAYBE my diabeties is better (GOTTA get the lab done,) DOUBT IT. But I have lost like 70 pounds or more and HE did prescribe me more prednisone to go on my weekend date last month.. If not, maybe I can continue to get it from that Urgent care Doctor. I PROMISE to monitor my blood sugars!!!! I guess it can make you suseptible to infection. IF I do this right, I will be in control of my weight loss. Right now, thats all I can do.

Feb. 8th I slept last night for a few hours and each time I woke up to go pee.. I was able to stop by the fridge and have some gupls of grape juice. Plus this morning arouns 7am when i got up, I have been able to gulp two cups of chocolate milk so far. OBVIOUSLY that Shot really really opened me up. Even before my last fill, before this fill and before my menstation.. I COULD NOT DO THAT EVER upon waking or in the middle of the night upon waking. This is a good thing, by the time it wears off, I will be off my period. (I didnt bleed all night but I had hella cramps, it should be all over by today) It has ran accross my mind that my stomach 'unswelled' SO much that my band has slipped oFF.. BUt that doesnt seem possible or realistic.. BUT its still a scare when I am sitting here able to eat.. I just know if I try to have some soup (chunky kind) It will go down. IF I dont restrcit back within this day.. I am going to be real worried. I am NOT taking any extra prednisone like he prescribed me to do when I opened up.. The shot is ENOUGH! When I tighten back up.. What I am gonna do is take the prednisone at night starting at 40 ml, (he gave me 60mg a day to take) (I already have took 20 ml plenty of times (for my back, when I have plans to go out) and it never made a difference. I will see if this helps with morning restriction.. and If it does, and the side effects arent horrible.. I will go in for another fill. I will test this for atleast a month. I DONT know though, IF my primary care doctor will support 60 miligrams a day.. OR 60 everyother day.. OR whatever dose I find is good. HE only gives me 5mg a day, but thats cuz I was over 400 pounds and I had diabeties.. MAYBE my diabeties is better (GOTTA get the lab done,) DOUBT IT. But I have lost like 70 pounds or more and HE did prescribe me more prednisone to go on my weekend date last month.. If not, maybe I can continue to get it from that Urgent care Doctor. I PROMISE to monitor my blood sugars!!!! I guess it can make you suseptible to infection. IF I do this right, I will be in control of my weight loss. Right now, thats all I can do.

Feb. 8th I slept last night for a few hours and each time I woke up to go pee.. I was able to stop by the fridge and have some gupls of grape juice. Plus this morning arouns 7am when i got up, I have been able to gulp two cups of chocolate milk so far. OBVIOUSLY that Shot really really opened me up. Even before my last fill, before this fill and before my menstation.. I COULD NOT DO THAT EVER upon waking or in the middle of the night upon waking. This is a good thing, by the time it wears off, I will be off my period. (I didnt bleed all night but I had hella cramps, it should be all over by today) It has ran accross my mind that my stomach 'unswelled' SO much that my band has slipped oFF.. BUt that doesnt seem possible or realistic.. BUT its still a scare when I am sitting here able to eat.. I just know if I try to have some soup (chunky kind) It will go down. IF I dont restrcit back within this day.. I am going to be real worried. I am NOT taking any extra prednisone like he prescribed me to do when I opened up.. The shot is ENOUGH! When I tighten back up.. What I am gonna do is take the prednisone at night starting at 40 ml, (he gave me 60mg a day to take) (I already have took 20 ml plenty of times (for my back, when I have plans to go out) and it never made a difference. I will see if this helps with morning restriction.. and If it does, and the side effects arent horrible.. I will go in for another fill. I will test this for atleast a month. I DONT know though, IF my primary care doctor will support 60 miligrams a day.. OR 60 everyother day.. OR whatever dose I find is good. HE only gives me 5mg a day, but thats cuz I was over 400 pounds and I had diabeties.. MAYBE my diabeties is better (GOTTA get the lab done,) DOUBT IT. But I have lost like 70 pounds or more and HE did prescribe me more prednisone to go on my weekend date last month.. If not, maybe I can continue to get it from that Urgent care Doctor. I PROMISE to monitor my blood sugars!!!! I guess it can make you suseptible to infection. IF I do this right, I will be in control of my weight loss. Right now, thats all I can do.

imo, its worth a try, if you have the money or its covered.

Wow, how lovely. The mural is amazing, I love green and its so clean. I could live in that room with all my kids and be happy.. lol ThANK You for going through alll the work to post it you guys..!! I like to see stuff like this,

I didnt become dehydrated at all... I meant he looked in my mouth and he say it was dry and I stated that becasue I was glad he even looked, he could of easily been one of those kind who thought I was full of shit and didnt even check to see.. I told him I had Soup ans plenty to eat the night before.. and it was only 2pm and I was NO where NEAR dehydrating but he said I was dry.. It gets that way when your not salivatating totally normally.. I didnt eat once for days 40 hours or drink ONE single thing and I choked up my saliva.. every few minutes and I still wasnt dehydrated.. So, I am not really affraid of that. I am too tight.. IN THE MORNING AND AFTERNOON... BUT I am NOT too tight at night. So.. IF I wasnt too tight in the mornings and afternoons, I would be too loose and eat all I could at night and the band would never work for me. SO... I HAVE to do something about MORNING tightness and I have.. THING IS..... I completely losened up.. tonight I ate a slice of pizza ALONG with 4 cups of milk. When your restricted well (tight).. MILK or drinks DO NOT push food through the band.. IT hurts like hell and makes it imppossible to eat at all.. I havent been able to eat a slice of pizza MUCH LESS be able to drink so much along side it.. IN like forever So OBVIOUSLY the antiinflamitory like REALLY REALLY loosened my stomach swelling ALOT.. I am almost too embarrasssed to do my food log, and its ALL BECAUSE OF THE steriods I got today (it was a steroid antiinflamitory) So..... NOW, I am confused,. I wanted this treatment so I could get a fill to curb the nighttime loseness... without being TOO TOO tight in the am BUt I think thats too risky.. this medicine isnt something to be messing with.. I am HOT as heck, I cant stop talking, I am up walking around, doing all this stuff for myself.. (I am kinda crippled) My kids are like "SIT DOWN" and I am like "shoot, I forgot" There are things I JUST DONT DO.... and havent done for years, yet I just been going for it all night like It was 10 years ago or something.. Its cuz it gives me a natural high, the natural high that comes with not feeling the pain in my back and neck.. and feeling freedom and mobility, BUT I am hurt and I will hurt myself if I move too much and I have already got in lots of trouble for doing too much, cuz Its ends up I will fall or herniate another disc.. lol ANYWAY... I am thinking LESS of a dose... IF I am too tight tomarrow (this does may last longer than 5 hours..) I will ask for half as much.. I dont know.. I am not a doctor.. lol

lamadam is right.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am banded and what you described is how I eat everyday.. (I shouldnt and its wrong, but I do.. or have been) I dont call it binging.. REAL binging would be VERY hard to do with a good fill .. IMO... no matter if its junk or not. IMO, real binging is like eating a box of donuts and stuff.. (binge eaters.. who cram food in their mouths in a matter of minutes or even hours withour stopping...in an extrememly out of control way..) I ate tons of junk before and now I eat less but still way too much.

Today i woke up with the same kind of extreem restrcition that I had yesterday, but worse. Yesterday at noon I had one ounce of milk and burped and gurgles on it for hours. Today I didnt dare drink a thing, then I found I was gurgling and burping (on my saliva obviously) I got scared. (I dont want it to swell anymore!!!!) I felt I should try to NIP this swelling in the BUD. It was FINE, until my period started yesterday and it should be fine after. BUT NOt if I let it swell upon swell upon swell until Its gone too far. NOW, to get a slight unfil, would only cause more swelling and I would end up losing most my new fill anyway. So of course I dont want to do that. That already happened in November and I spent ALL THESE months NOT losing any weight and saving money to buy another fill. The way to NIP it in the Bud before it gets out of control... (in case I found my self choking and sliming and spitting on my own saliva, which is ABUSE of my band) Is to take antiinflamitories in huge doses. Seeings how I couldnt even sip Water.. I needed it intraveniously. this was around 2 pm today. I went to Urgent Care and I told them my story and I got a BIG ol DOSE by needle. Now I have a prescription for HUGE doses to take at night when I am open, to see if it helps the AM swelling!! JUST WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED!!!!! AND NEEDED! I WAS SO WORRIED.. I WANTED THIS SO BAD. I though NO one would ever listen, ever care enough.. The doctor was soooooooooo Nice.. He was totally interested, he felt for my port, he asked me a ton of questions, he was very thoughrough.. and SIMPLY, I COULD TELL.. HE CARED. HE wanted me to continue to have success on this thing and he knew I lost 70 pounds (he spoke to my primary care doctor) and He saw some dehydration in my mouth (how, I dunno..I mean some dryness, Not dehydration) and Anyway.. He said COME IN ANYTIME I NEED IT intraveniously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which obviously would be when I am having problems sipping anything.. Which shouldnt be a probelm once my period goes away. I HAVE BEEN SO LUCKY with this aftercare... SO lucky not to be judged and dismissed and not listened to.. SO lucky to have such caring and compassionate doctors.. MY FILL DOCTOR is like not even an hour away.. she just told me to NEVER not come in due to lack of funds if I need a fill.. TO NOT go all those months needed a fill.. she will work with me.. SHE also said if this fill OR any fill isnt enough and I decide I want another one within a week and a half or so.. SHE WILL GIVE ME MORE, NO charge! She also said if the lady who makes the appointments says there are no openings.. TELL her I am coming ANYWAY and JUST COME>. WOW WOW OWWO My own primary care doctor is new to all this, and he is so open to learning and working with me. (he is the one who told me to go to urgent care, cuz it was easier to get the IV that way instead of at his office) He has NEVER failed me.. EVEr Now this Doctor at the Urgent care.. He didnt know much, but so willing to listen and look things up and well .. YEAH.. WOW PLUS, remember in JUNE I had to go to the ER.. cuz I had choked for hours on pills after being filled in Mexicool. and they filled my with antiinflamitories (but it was too late for that) and they used a spinal neddlle and having NEVER done a unfill on a lapband before, they all rallied around and unfilled me.. (on the phone with Ortiz to guide them) ANYWAY I FEEEEL SO AMAZINGLY CARED FOR>. P.s .. It worked within hours.. WORKED TOO WELL.. LOL

February 7th Today i woke up with the same kind of extreem restrcition that I had yesterday, but worse. Yesterday at noon I had one ounce of milk and burped and gurgles on it for hours. Today I didnt dare drink a thing, then I found I was gurgling and burping (on my saliva obviously) I got scared. I felt I should try to NIP this swelling in the BUD. It was FINE, until my period started and it should be fine after. BUT NOt if I let it swell upon swell upon swell until Its gone too far. NOW, to get a slight unfil, would only cause more swelling and I would end up losing most my fill anyway. So of course I dont want to do that. That already happened in November and I spent ALL THESE months NOT losing any weight and saving money to buy another fill. The way to NIP it in the Bud before it gets out of control... (in case I found my self choking and sliming and spitting on my own saliva, which is ABUSE of my band) Is to take antiinflamitories in huge doses. Seeings how I couldnt even sip water.. I needed it intraveniously. I went to Urgent Care and I told them my story and I got a BIG ol DOSE by needle. Now I have a prescription for HUGE doses to take at night when I am open, to see if it helps the AM swelling!! JUST WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED!!!!! I WAS SO WORRIED.. I WANTED THIS SO BAD. I though NO one would ever listen, ever care enough.. The doctor was soooooooooo Nice.. He was totally interested, he felt for my port, he asked me a ton of questions, he was very thoughrough.. and SIMPLY, I COULD TELL.. HE CARED. HE wanted me to continue to have success on this thing and he knew I lost 70 pounds (he spoke to my primary care doctor) and He saw some dehydration in my mouth (how, I dunno..I mean some dryness, Not dehydration) and Anyway.. He said COME IN ANYTIME I NEED IT intraveniously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which obviously would be when I am having problems sipping anything.. Which shouldnt be a probelm once my period goes away. I HAVE BEEN SO LUCKY with this aftercare... SO lucky not to be judged and dismissed and not listened to.. SO lucky to have such caring and compassionate doctors.. MY FILL DOCTOR is like not even an hour away.. she just told me to NEVER not come in due to lack of funds if I need a fill.. TO NOT go all those months needed a fill.. she will work with me.. SHE also said if this fill OR any fill isnt enough and I decide I want another one within a week and a half or so.. SHE WILL GIVE ME MORE, NO charge! She also said if the lady who makes the appointments says there are no openings.. TELL her I am coming ANYWAY and JUST COME>. WOW WOW OWWO My own primary care doctor is new to all this, and he is so open to learning and working with me. (he is the one who told me to go to urgent care, cuz it was easier to get the IV that way instead of at his office) He has NEVER failed me.. EVEr Now this Doctor at the Urgent care.. He didnt know much, but so willing to listen and look things up and well .. YEAH.. WOW PLUS, remember in JUNE I had to go to the ER.. cuz I had choked for hours on pills after being filled in Mexicool. and they filled my with antiinflamitories (but it was too late for that) and they used a spinal neddlle and having NEVER done a unfill on a lapband before, they all rallied around and unfilled me.. (on the phone with Ortiz to guide them) ANYWAY I FEEEEL SO AMAZINGLY CARED FOR>. :mad: :D :D :D :D

February 7th Today i woke up with the same kind of extreem restrcition that I had yesterday, but worse. Yesterday at noon I had one ounce of milk and burped and gurgles on it for hours. Today I didnt dare drink a thing, then I found I was gurgling and burping (on my saliva obviously) I got scared. I felt I should try to NIP this swelling in the BUD. It was FINE, until my period started and it should be fine after. BUT NOt if I let it swell upon swell upon swell until Its gone too far. NOW, to get a slight unfil, would only cause more swelling and I would end up losing most my fill anyway. So of course I dont want to do that. That already happened in November and I spent ALL THESE months NOT losing any weight and saving money to buy another fill. The way to NIP it in the Bud before it gets out of control... (in case I found my self choking and sliming and spitting on my own saliva, which is ABUSE of my band) Is to take antiinflamitories in huge doses. Seeings how I couldnt even sip water.. I needed it intraveniously. I went to Urgent Care and I told them my story and I got a BIG ol DOSE by needle. Now I have a prescription for HUGE doses to take at night when I am open, to see if it helps the AM swelling!! JUST WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED!!!!! I WAS SO WORRIED.. I WANTED THIS SO BAD. I though NO one would ever listen, ever care enough.. The doctor was soooooooooo Nice.. He was totally interested, he felt for my port, he asked me a ton of questions, he was very thoughrough.. and SIMPLY, I COULD TELL.. HE CARED. HE wanted me to continue to have success on this thing and he knew I lost 70 pounds (he spoke to my primary care doctor) and He saw some dehydration in my mouth (how, I dunno..I mean some dryness, Not dehydration) and Anyway.. He said COME IN ANYTIME I NEED IT intraveniously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which obviously would be when I am having problems sipping anything.. Which shouldnt be a probelm once my period goes away. I HAVE BEEN SO LUCKY with this aftercare... SO lucky not to be judged and dismissed and not listened to.. SO lucky to have such caring and compassionate doctors.. MY FILL DOCTOR is like not even an hour away.. she just told me to NEVER not come in due to lack of funds if I need a fill.. TO NOT go all those months needed a fill.. she will work with me.. SHE also said if this fill OR any fill isnt enough and I decide I want another one within a week and a half or so.. SHE WILL GIVE ME MORE, NO charge! She also said if the lady who makes the appointments says there are no openings.. TELL her I am coming ANYWAY and JUST COME>. WOW WOW OWWO My own primary care doctor is new to all this, and he is so open to learning and working with me. (he is the one who told me to go to urgent care, cuz it was easier to get the IV that way instead of at his office) He has NEVER failed me.. EVEr Now this Doctor at the Urgent care.. He didnt know much, but so willing to listen and look things up and well .. YEAH.. WOW PLUS, remember in JUNE I had to go to the ER.. cuz I had choked for hours on pills after being filled in Mexicool. and they filled my with antiinflamitories (but it was too late for that) and they used a spinal neddlle and having NEVER done a unfill on a lapband before, they all rallied around and unfilled me.. (on the phone with Ortiz to guide them) ANYWAY I FEEEEL SO AMAZINGLY CARED FOR>. :) :) :) :)

Feb. 7th 4pm 4 cheddar chips 5pm-6pm One sugar free caremel 25 frito twist chips 1/8 cup sour cream 2 cups chocolate milk 6 tp 7pm 1 cup roasted red pepper soup 1 tbs PArm 2 cups chocolate milk 7pm 6 reses Cookies 7:15 4 ounces grape juice. I am already over 1500 caloried.. THIS IS ONLY SO FAR and I have a bad feeling I am going to eat alot more. (went grocery shopping.. bought cheesecake and strawberries) I got antiinflamitories this afternoon.. and I think they worked TOO much.. LOL They worked WAY too well.. Its almost like I am not banded again. SERIOUSLY I had about 6 cups of grape jucie.. 4 cups of 1% milk A slice of pizza (the WHOLE THING..crust and all) A bowl of my soup with the chicken, NOT any hesitation on the chicken at all. Half a slice of cheese cake 1/4 cup sweetened strawberry juice 1 sliced strawberry in the jucie. This went right throught he band.. I drank the milk WITH THE PIZZA AT THE SAME TIME.. The antiinflaimitory treatment today.. loosened me WAY WAY up. At leaste that prooves I am indeed swollen..and very suseptible to swelling.. I will do the fit day later .. its sure to be my highest yet.. I bet close to 4000 calories.. FITDAY Calories 3858 fat 115 carb 596 Protein 121 baddness

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Work in Progress :mad: I been using my computer (posting, emails, etc.) from a chair for a month now. I guess I must say I am in a comfortable rocking chair thing with cushions. BUT its UPRIGHT and so am I.. lol (Oh for those who dont know.. I always had to post from the couch, then later I got this neat lounge chair chaise (spell?) due to pain as I have some back injuries) I bleached my hair three time in the last two months.. and to rinse it out, I leaned over the tub and rinsed it in the tub facet. I mean I HAD to cuz I forgot my fancy disabled people shower thingie at my old place. (damn it, that was expensive!) And it was basically easy. I mean it wasnt easy. But it was WAY WAY WAY easier. Compared to before, it was a SNAP. I have had to do this before (use the facet) and it has left me in tears. I have had crisis interventions over this in the past. (I have to do my hair like every couple months) I either couldnt reach the facet it well enough to rinse thouroughly and fried my hair, absolutely could not hold my possition and had to leave the area before I was done, cried alot, needed someone to come with a picher to help me, had to get in the tub and let the bleach run all over my body and ect ect... lol, seems like alot to go through to dye my hair, but thats life ya know.. you do what you gotta do and you dont think about it.. UNTIL NOW when its so different. I can lay on the couch for more than an hour. This couch from goodwill..It has two reclyning chairs on the ends. I couldnt lay on it. It was extremely uncomfortable. (the mechanics inside, undetectable to the normal sized..) I tried and tried to get a place on this couch because Um I NEED to lay down and I need to be in my living room. I tried until it was completely clear that in NO way could I use this couch. My family loved it.. Its a pretty cool couch for everone else. I only had the chaise lounge chair that I could tolerate for semi long periods and it wasnt sufficient. I could only sit on the couch about an hour in its upright possition with the reclyner out. (not quite upright.. lol) And EVERY time I regretted it (pain pain pain) I had no where to "be" in my own living room if I was "bedridden' that day, I actually had to be in my bed.. and I dont like being isolated like that. So... My stuff was in storage.. I just got a new place... and GUESS WHAT.. I went to lay on the couch.. and I could. AND I CAN.. I HAVE A PLACE TO BE IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM NOW! WOW My Watch is loose. My friend gave me the watch in christmas of 04, she got it fit for me and it fit perfectly. Now its always upside down, dangling and at least three links could be removed. I dangle it everytime I need a pick me up. I can weigh on a normal scale and the scale at the ymca becasue I am under 350 pounds now. Nuff said. I had my first Orgasm from a Man, that I didnt have to help one bit. I am 35 and having my first one, unassisted. I thought it would NEVER happen. I was OBESE by age 16 and not sexually educated before that....Three kids by 19 and never did enjoy sex. and it was dead ever since because I felt so crappy about myself.. I almost never even touched myself. I felt so discusted. NO looking even. This O happened with a good friend who has never done anything wrong to me, who I have been seeing casually for over three years and who I have become increasingly comfortable with. (26 yr old hottie too) Last year on my 34th bday, I was able to have 7 multiple O's with him, (I did it, but it only happened cuz he was there and he was OMG AMAZING) So.. Its a mixture of my becoming increasingly comfortable with him as well as with myself.. In fact, the whole sex thing was so much better that also made me ready and capible.. This was never due to HIs lack of skill, I know he has the skill, I have known that from our first time. But I was dead and his skills mean nothing if I am dead. I am still in shock.. I mean you go 35 years and your mom and sister and best friends ALL know you have never had an orgasm from a man.. and that last year was my first one with a man at all (assisted) (and I date plenty, and many have tried and tried well) AND now, its not my story anymore.. lol. (I havent even told them yet!) Sex..Details later..MAYBE, kinda new and feeling too personal.. BUT ITS HUGE. WORK IN PROGRESS

Work in Progress I been using my computer (posting, emails, etc.) from a chair for a month now. I guess I must say I am in a comfortable rocking chair thing with cushions. BUT its UPRIGHT and so am I.. lol (Oh for those who dont know.. I always had to post from the couch, then later I got this neat lounge chair chaise (spell?) due to pain as I have some back injuries) I bleached my hair three time in the last two months.. and to rinse it out, I leaned over the tub and rinsed it in the tub facet. I mean I HAD to cuz I forgot my fancy disabled people shower thingie at my old place. (damn it, that was expensive!) And it was basically easy. I mean it wasnt easy. But it was WAY WAY WAY easier. Compared to before, it was a SNAP. I have had to do this before (use the facet) and it has left me in tears. I have had crisis interventions over this in the past. (I have to do my hair like every couple months) I either couldnt reach the facet it well enough to rinse thouroughly and fried my hair, absolutely could not hold my possition and had to leave the area before I was done, cried alot, needed someone to come with a picher to help me, had to get in the tub and let the bleach run all over my body and ect ect... lol, seems like alot to go through to dye my hair, but thats life ya know.. you do what you gotta do and you dont think about it.. UNTIL NOW when its so different. I can lay on the couch for more than an hour. This couch from goodwill..It has two reclyning chairs on the ends. I couldnt lay on it. It was extremely uncomfortable. (the mechanics inside, undetectable to the normal sized..) I tried and tried to get a place on this couch because Um I NEED to lay down and I need to be in my living room. I tried until it was completely clear that in NO way could I use this couch. My family loved it.. Its a pretty cool couch for everone else. I only had the chaise lounge chair that I could tolerate for semi long periods and it wasnt sufficient. I could only sit on the couch about an hour in its upright possition with the reclyner out. (not quite upright.. lol) And EVERY time I regretted it (pain pain pain) I had no where to "be" in my own living room if I was "bedridden' that day, I actually had to be in my bed.. and I dont like being isolated like that. So... My stuff was in storage.. I just got a new place... and GUESS WHAT.. I went to lay on the couch.. and I could. AND I CAN.. I HAVE A PLACE TO BE IN MY OWN LIVING ROOM NOW! WOW My Watch is loose. My friend gave me the watch in christmas of 04, she got it fit for me and it fit perfectly. Now its always upside down, dangling and at least three links could be removed. I dangle it everytime I need a pick me up. I can weigh on a normal scale and the scale at the ymca becasue I am under 350 pounds now. Nuff said. I had my first Orgasm from a Man, that I didnt have to help one bit. I am 35 and having my first one, unassisted. I thought it would NEVER happen. I was OBESE by age 16 and not sexually educated before that....Three kids by 19 and never did enjoy sex. and it was dead ever since because I felt so crappy about myself.. I almost never even touched myself. I felt so discusted. NO looking even. This O happened with a good friend who has never done anything wrong to me, who I have been seeing casually for over three years and who I have become increasingly comfortable with. (26 yr old hottie too) Last year on my 34th bday, I was able to have 7 multiple O's with him, (I did it, but it only happened cuz he was there and he was OMG AMAZING) So.. Its a mixture of my becoming increasingly comfortable with him as well as with myself.. In fact, the whole sex thing was so much better that also made me ready and capible.. This was never due to HIs lack of skill, I know he has the skill, I have known that from our first time. But I was dead and his skills mean nothing if I am dead. I am still in shock.. I mean you go 35 years and your mom and sister and best friends ALL know you have never had an orgasm from a man.. and that last year was my first one with a man at all (assisted) (and I date plenty, and many have tried and tried well) AND now, its not my story anymore.. lol. (I havent even told them yet!) Sex..Details later..MAYBE, kinda new and feeling too personal.. BUT ITS HUGE. WORK IN PROGRESS

All I see are X's

ITS MY PERIOD!! YEAH. I got the cramps around 10pm and just now found some pink. So... I am gonna assume its my menstral. Now, I just feel so much better about it all.:mad: I dont know for sure, but I have a feeling I can stick to some lower calorie eating for a few days now. I didnt want this Journal to be about all this crap.. BUT, I guess it will be what ever it is... Go with the flow. ............. Tonight I almost went to the coast with my daughter.. she jsut got back today, but had to go back cuz Dono forgot his wallet in her car. I was gonna ride along. But in the end chose not to go. I was debating whether to go, cuz I know it would be painfull and it was a quick trip, not for any certain kind of fun or activity, but I have been bored and it was something to do.. Plus I could stay at my friends house for the night and thats something to do too.. BUt my daughter said "cuz I can" to something I asked her and I acted like I didnt want her company..... Well, that was obviously me using that as a way to justify my social anxiety and sheer lazyness and fear of pain. All of which I HATE allowing to control me. I layed on the couch and watched Southpark all night, helping Cry with her nonexistant family tree and fighting with Ambree to do her chore. I coulda been in bed with my friend feeling all calm and relaxed knowing the ocean was nearby and feeling wonderfully small. I have a date this weekend with Reese. I AM going, no matter what. If I find a way to weasal out, I may as well give it all up and But I am nervous. I think its gonna last Saturday to Monday cuz his work schedule. Well, I will talk about this later.