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No sense lying on this blog. I went on a carb bender last night. I'm scheduled to be sleeved on Aug. 22 and am supposed to be on a liquid diet. Note: if you are thinking about posting a comment telling me that maybe I'm not ready for surgery (mentally or physically) or how dangerous this is, etc., please do us both a favor and refrain. Nothing you could say could make me feel worse than I already do. Not looking for excuses but instead explanations so that I don't let this happen again. I still have 4 days to eat clean before surgery. Here's what I discovered: The quitting smoking/drinking has been weighing on me. Those were two of my favorite coping mechanisms and they are gone. Yesterday, I took my son, daughter, and two of their friends to an amusement park for my son's birthday. I was exhausted. My brand new CR-V died on the way home from the park. I took the boys out for Steak and Shake dinner while I sipped water. All the sudden, an overwhelming feeling of aloneness and self pity snuck in. (I know...I know... I should be feeling GRATEFUL about the privilege of having this surgery). I ate a pastry crisp. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then a PB&J. Then drank some milk. It was HORRIBLE. It brought back all those feelings of the past 10 years of feeling completely out of control when it comes to food. For me, once I put carbs in my body, I am sunk -- the cravings are insane. So...I did what I've been doing for the past 10 years -- beat the absolutely hell out of myself mentally and woke up feeling absolutely defeated. Some lessons from the experience: 1. Don't let myself get too exhausted mentally or physically. I felt like I "had" to take the kids to the amusement park because it was my son's birthday, but I probably shouldn't have tried that under the circumstances. 2. I'm going to have to be super gentle with myself through this process. On the liquid part, I am consuming less than 700 calories per day. I'm also super emotional and on edge because of the surgery coming up. This all means that I need to slow down and cut myself some slack. Sit and watch TV. Troll the internet. Whatever...I don't have to clean, cook, run around town for these next few days. 3. In contrast to the "be super gentle," it's also time to get really firm about some things. It is time that I am going to have to exercise some discipline and self-control no matter how hard, how emotional, how much of a bad day I'm having. Food, smoking, and drinking aren't acceptable answers any longer. Period. That raises the issue of asking, "Ok, but as a practical matter, HOW am I going to do better?" I resolve to: a. Type a call for help on to this forum and wait 30 minutes before I eat. b. Drink a big glass of water, Isopure, or crystal light while I'm waiting. c. Make a list of at least 3 things that I will enjoy about being healthier. d. If I still feel like eating, chose something with no carbs and no sweetness. Here's to a diligent, self-controlled Sunday.... -Angela

Just wanted to chime in and say HANG IN THERE - YOU'RE SO CLOSE! My surgery is Thursday and I'm having all the same feelings and I"m sure they'll max out the night before. You're going to be great! MAKE SURE AND LET US KNOW HOW IT GOES! -Angela

Thanks Dustin! I am scheduled for surgery with Dr. Hoehn, KC Bariatrics, on Aug. 22. When/where did you get sleeved? How far out are you? How did it go??

You look amazing - what a great incentive! Congratulations!

Hello friends. I'm feeling very out of sorts and scared at the moment. I am on Day 3 of the pre-op liquid only diet and I am feeling INSANE. I'm hungry, angry, lonely, and tired. And it is making me question everything about this surgery. I gave up smoking and drinking for this surgery and it is really hitting home how much I have used food to comfort myself. I know these are all healthy, adult changes to make - and I just turned 40 -- it's time to GROW UP. At the same time, maybe I have bitten off more than I can chew (pun intended). Many folks on this forum have said, "If you can't do the pre-op, how will you do the post-op?" I'm wondering that myself today.... Sorry to be such a downer, but I think it's important to blog my real experience. And today that experience sucks! Hopefully by tomorrow I will be in a better place to post something more positive...!

Hello brothers and sisters! I NEED HELP! I want to cheat on my pre-op diet so bad I can't stand it!!! I'm starving and miserable and I've only been on it for 3 days. And... I'm second-guessing my decision to have surgery. I quit smoking and drinking for this surgery and now losing food too just seems like too much. I'm already in counseling and working on "my issues" and why I use smoking/drinking/food to escape my feelings. But as I am now 4 days from surgery, it is all becoming so real. I keep thinking of those on this board who say "if you can't do the pre-op diet, how in the heck do you think you will do after the surgery." Maybe that means me??? Do you guys think I should back out, i.e., are these feelings a signal that I'm not ready for this? Or is this just pre-surgery jitters? Any input/encouragement is much appreciated! Thanks in advance, Angela

I'm Aug. 22 and on Day 2 of the pre-op diet (4 Protein shakes per day). I'm hungry and cranky and I have a horrible headache! That said, I'm excited to be so close to surgery date. Welcome to the forum! P.S. I'm nervous just like you are....! I think that's normal! -Angela

My misery loves your company. I am so hungry, headach-ey, and really tired/fuzzy. Trying to work is starting to get silly. HANG IN THERE FRIENDS! 6 more days! God help us all this weekend!

Aveda has a shampoo/conditioner that is aimed toward helping with new hair growth. Also, I am pre-op but already using Rogaine just as a preemptive measure. Good luck!

I love this thread! It allows us to see "both sides" of the journey. Many of you are already past surgery and many of us are still in the liquid diet phase. I don't know about you guys, but this liquid diet is making me tired and cranky. That makes me really scared about surgery. I'm drinking 4 protein shakes a day for a total of 120g of protein and 630 calories plus drinking crystal light (which I hope counts as water...). After surgery, it will be way less than this. How in the heck do you do it?? I guess your body adjusts. But I'm nervous. Add on the nerves pre-surgery and it feels darn near unbearable already. I know I need to get busier - quit reading this board and starting getting some work done! That said, hanging out with you guys makes me feel lots better. Thanks for letting me ramble.... -Angela (surgery date 8/22)

Thanks Friends! I'm very relieved! -Angela

I woke up happy, joyous, and free this morning. I had a dream last night that my two BFFs were trying to talk me out of surgery and saying, "Just try one more time to do it on your own." I responded, "IT WON'T WORK." I woke up feeling so secure about my decision. The feeling I had in the dream is so right on - I have tried and tried and tried and tried. And even if I could take off 75lbs, the chances of me keeping it off are slim. Also, on Good Morning America today they showed results of a study showing that 18% of premature deaths are caused by obesity. That's another good reminder. Bottom line: Today, I am at peace with my decision. Caveat: It is only 8:30am. When I'm hungry later today, I may start questioning again. Hahahah. What a ride this is....! 6 more days til surgery!

Hi all. I take 300 mg of lamotrigine/Lamictal every day as a mood stabilizer. It has literally changed my life. I was reading today that lamotrigine is one of the "do not use" post-surgery. I will of course call my doctor and find out what he says, but I also thought I would check on here. Have others used Lamictal/lamotrigine post-surgery and had problems? Or had no problems? I am (obviously) very worried about this given the success I've had with the medication - I can't imagine life without it.... Input is most appreciated. Thanks!

I can't believe surgery is one week from today. It's strange because the closer it gets, the more calm I feel. The weeks leading up to now have been pretty miserable because I've done so much worrying. Strange that, now that surgery is closer, I feel better about it. One of the hardest things about preparing for surgery was the month long food funeral. I know that others talk about how healthy they were pre-op, etc. etc. and that always makes me feel bad. I was the opposite. I felt like I had to eat everything under the sun - all I could think of was food some days. It made me feel so pathetic. And insane. Now that the liquid diet is in full swing and surgery is right around the corner, i feel much more in control. Don't get me wrong -- I'm still scared. My most common fear (today...!): If I could plan and cook healthy meals and stick to that plan, I wouldn't be in this situation - I would have lost the weight and kept it off a long time ago. What makes me think that surgery is going to make it any easier to meal plan and stick to the plan? Unfortunately, I don't know the answer to that question. I'm going to sleep on it tonight....

How is everyone doing? I'm miserable and I'm on DAY 1 of liquids. SERIOUSLY - I feel ridiculous even complaining given what you all are/have gone through. And that is making me so scared - thinking how in the heck am I going to do this post-op when I'm having some much trouble right now?? It sure is nice having a little "mini-group" of us! Going to bed soon so I can quit thinking about food...! -Angela

I'm also scheduled for Aug 22. I start my liquid diet tomorrow and am so nervous and excited! Let's all stay in touch!!!!

I FEEL THE SAME WAY! I think most of us do as the surgery nears. I think it is totally normal and I do NOT think it is a premonition! (That said, I've melted down many times and updated my will as well). Try to see the humor in being so high drama. Or I should say I am trying to see the humor in ME being so high drama!

PS. I just read the Sleeved Aug. 8 thread. Read it! Everyone who has posted so far has said they did great/are doing great!

I am scheduled for Aug. 22 and I'm having all the same fears. Here are some things that help me: First, I remember that I am trading short term payoff (food) for long term benefits (health). I've spent my whole life being impulsive and having what I want when I want it. It's time to grow up and see that these changes are absolutely required (if you've done the dieting yo-yo that I have and have similar co-morbidities). This is kind of like Ana-abuse. There is no eating the way we used to. We absolutely MUST stick to small portions. Period. Second, I remind myself that I need to stay in today. This 24 hours. I'm not having surgery today. I'm not having to "do the food" today. When the times comes, I will do it. I am PREPARING to "do the food" by watching the "nutrition forum" on this site. I look at what others eat. I am making a folder of recipes that look easy to me (I have lived in my house for months and never used the stove/oven). I am SO SCARED about changing LITERALLY everything - if I could plan meals and stick with them, I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with!!! Of course it is scary! It would be crazy to go into this completely calm and without some fears. Finally, when all else fails, I remember that all I have to do is get myself to the surgery center on the day of surgery. Once I get there, they'll be putting me to sleep and I'll wake up and it will all be over. I have been so encouraged by people on this site saying that the pain was VERY manageable. And my doctor keeps reminding me that complications are VERY rare. We can do this!!!!!!!!!!! -Angela

Thanks so much for this post! I'm having surgery on Aug. 22 and, like you, reading everything I can so that I'm prepared. Your post was very helpful! Best of luck on your journey!

You were beautiful before and now beautiful after! Congratulations and thanks for posting!

Thanks for posting! So many of us on here are getting ready for surgery and stories like yours are really inspiring! Congratulations at being on "the other side." Here's to a speedy recovery! -Angela

I think it will be a great distraction to have the house to think about! Good for you! These things tend to work out the way they are supposed to - sounds like the right house showed up! Congratulations! (PS. I moved two weeks ago and my surgery is in 2 weeks - it worked out perfectly...totally motivated me to get stuff put away!!) -Angela

Just wanted to say thanks to all the July 31 sleevers who have posted. I am watching your journey very closely! (I'm set for Aug. 22). Keep up the great work! Can't wait to continue to hear your stories!

I think we all feel this way to some extent. I am 2 weeks from my surgery date and I'm a total wreck. I will tell you that the thing that has helped me the most is this board. I check it in the morning, once during the day, and again at night. The people on here are just like us - all of us are going through this together and we are all having the same doubts, fears, frustrations. I am especially encouraged by posts like the one you got in response. There are two people who just told (us) how happy they are with their decision. Hang in there girlfriend. It's all going to work out!