Madam Reverie

Here's what I'm working to... 42g of Protein per day - minimum - Anything above this is just all good. 1,500ml of Water per day - minimum - Anything above this is just all good. 800-1200 calories per day - focus on protein first, veg second and carbs third. Try to keep it low fat and low sugar and ideally stay away from the dreaded white bread, white Pasta and junky type/high sodium/sugar crapadoodle. Vitamins/Supplements: 1 x multi Vitamin, 1,000-3,000mg of B12, 3000mg of Vitamin D, 2 Fish Oil (I have bad knees), 1000mg of Calcium, 10000mg Biotin. I don't worry about how I eat the above. If I'm not hungry in the morning, I'll have a Protein shake. lunch, also quite light (my appetite kicks in in the afternoons/evenings) and a normal dinner with a snack later on.

I hear ya.. I knew I wouldn't look like Demi at the end of it, because of the age, the weight, the stress on my body... But was maybe lusting after a 'butterfly-like' reveal. Or even, just a change in the positive that was noticeable and allowed me to rationalise the years of misery...versus where I am now.. and allow me to 'celebrate' and congratulate myself for my efforts and results. As it stands, I feel like I cant be happy for what I have until, almost, someone lets off the starting pistol?! In short, I should care less about what people think and be happy with my smaller bottom.

And this is it.. If they do they're damned, if they don't they're damned.. Either way, I need data (any data) to allow myself the permission to feel like the butterfly moment has happened within me.... and to also remedy and put into context the years of misery I'd piled onto myself for being big. Could I have avoided that all together? Did I waste many years feeling hateful towards myself - impacting upon my relationships, my career, and on and on it goes...

Do I ever hear this... That's exactly what it is for me.. I need a different lens with which to view myself. I guess I'm seeking permission to do that.... BOOM!

Your post is very much in line with the saying 'its not the destination, it's the journey'.. Which is absolutely correct. This is not necessarily about self-promotion, however.. Its more to do with affirmation from somewhere, that I am no longer the back end of a bus and in particular, reconciling with how I viewed myself then and how I view myself now. Do I have the right to believe that I am no longer the horrendous blob I once was? Add to it the doubt thats been generated post my friends/family saying 'we never see your weight, we just see Revs' and the post weight loss tumbleweed around me, were the insecurities about my weight, really all in my head? As egotistical as it might seem (although that is not the intention) I need some form of feedback to confirm or deny all of it... and I know, this will probably only come from people who've known me the longest... I often find to gain greater clarity and appreciation of the now and of the future, you often have to look back. The analyst in me, I guess.

Thank you - I wish!.. I was just hoping that on some level, I'd get affirmation for my own mind and my own insecurities, that I no longer look like the back-end-of-a-bus, like I'd always felt...

I suppose in this there's an element of good attention, bad attention and too much attention... Maybe in this, there are many reasons why no attention or indifference is a very good thing.. The jury is out!

Crikey! That just made me blush! I don't normally do blushing! Thanks for the vote of confidence - sincerely

Take comfort in the fact there has been some sort of reaction - any reaction. No one has said a dickie-bird to me! As for how you perceive yourself.. I hear ya. I don't recognise who my bosom belongs to... They cant be mine? Surely?!

I hear ya. I don't want people to fall over me.. Just to recognise a difference.. Any difference would be good!

I know it's all about your own perception.. But you're looking pretty bloody fabulous to me, RJ! x

Lol go for it... If you can be nice to him, you can be nice to anyone! x

Thank you. When I attempt to write, I do endeavor not to leave the reader in a state of confusion as to what I'm trying to convey... Primarily (and this is from a purely selfish standpoint) because it drives me bonkers when you write things and people choose to go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off topic.... Or, worst still, twist what's been written to suit their own ends. I think everyone is right. I need to go and see my international crew for them to do the 'Whoooaaah' bit. At least I'm hoping they will! Failing that, maybe I need to go and get made up and take some photos because I just don't see it... But.. on reflection... am I an island unto myself with this issue, or have other people experienced the same thing? Are you happy with your transformation? Is it everything you expected it to be?

I get exactly what your saying.......Same thing happens to me when I look in the mirror and am shocked to find I do not look like the 20 year old my mind thinks I am......... Hehe. I don't want to be 20 again. Hell-to-the-no! I want to be late 30's (as I am), with all the lines and shading that time has given me.. Just with a much smaller profile, killer clothes and perhaps, the 'freshness' that weight loss can give some people, which as of yet, has alluded me... Make sense?

I think you're right. Maybe I need to hunt down some people I havent seen for a while and if nothing is said shout 'YO DUDES!!! I'VE LOST A TRUCK LOAD OF WEIGHT. SAY 'WHOAAAH' RIGHT NOW!!!' And I'm pretty good with the 'Demi' inside. Even more so when I'm dancing round my bedroom in a new dress and heels on my own, like I'm 10 years old or something

Erm... but you just did?!! Lol thats funny...

so my Manhattans are out I take it? lol you can have a Manhattan, for sure.. Just be prepared for it to kick you in the butt far more quickly than you're used to!

Thats an amazing way to look at it and I thank you. Clearly my head is up my arse and has been for a considerable amount of time. x

Oh, I would be the absolute worst person to ask on this one.. My response to their horrid remarks about a co-worker would range from 'Yeah well, you're hardly a Rubens painting yourself, are you?' or 'Yeah, and you're a regular Brad Pitt, baby' and other such childish utterances. Sounds like you're dealing with it in a very lady-like manner.. by barely acknowledging them. Their age-group is sadly what defines them. I'm sure most of them would prefer it if women had stayed in the household, perfectly manicured, chained to the sink, looking after their progeny whilst making sure their dinner, pipe and slippers were ready for them when they deigned to return to the household after a 'hard' day at work. Oh god, don't get me started!!!!! I'd have a field day with this one! They're idiots. They neither deserve your time, attention and more importantly, emotion. Fight the power, sister x

The fact you've had a 'whoaa' moment, is amazing. I won't lie, I've had variations on that theme. Largely due to walking into a shop, picking up a size 18 and my partner saying 'what are you doing, that'll be huge on you'... I have also had the 'holy cow, look how skinny my legs have gotten'... But as far as the true metamorphosis.. from the Sloth to Demi like some others.. It hasn't happened. I cannot believe that its the social circle I knock around with. I am reasonably restrained, but when I see the massive transformations, I've found it nigh-on impossible not to say 'Holy cow! Look at you!'... That just doesn't happen to me - ergo the statement about general indifference and remaining me - just a lighter version. Its amazing that you've recognised how amazing you look and I thank you most sincerely for your kind words about my presentation. I don't think that way about myself at all. Maybe that's the problem. I was expecting some reaction - any reaction - good or bad. So far all I've got, is well, tumbleweed! x

Exactly. They are very tasty and very handy indeed. Best of luck

Something is playing on my mind so I thought I'd just 'throw it out there' to the great and good on this site for discussion... When I was big, I was repeatedly told in response to my insecure mutterings about my size; 'I never see your weight, Revs. You're just Revs. Always have been, always will be.' 'You have a big personality, Revs. That eclipses anything else. People see your character before they notice anything else.' This has come in many forms and in various machinations. When done with love and delivered gently - its been from friends and family. With moderate, clumsy indifference and accompanied with the obligatory 'you have such a nice/pretty/beautiful/attractive (delete as appropriate) face' and lets not forget the 'You always dress really well and have amazing make-up'... (Subtext - your body is like the back end of a bus), its been from random colleagues and acquaintances. So, when I was researching weight-loss options (this was over 10 years of dedicated YouTube, surgery website, academic journal perusing), I saw all these a-maz-ing transformations. People who had metamorphosed from looking like Sloth from the Goonies into Demi Moore (in her heyday) and every shade of beautiful in between. Consequently, when I had the surgery, I envisioned my kilo-losing metamorphosis. The egg, larva, pupa, to beautiful butterfly... So here I am, a truck load of weight down and well, I haven't changed into the metaphorical butterfly I was hoping for. Don't get me wrong, this is not a pity-party or anything. I am elated with what I've achieved so far and before anyone bores me to tears with the 'but you've got a healthier you, that should be reward enough', line of tedium.....I wanted to look like Demi Moore GODDAMNNIT! <that's a joke btw and before anyone gets on a tip about 'loving who you are and not aspiring to look like someone else' in a yawn-fest, stating the obvious manner> Now, I know miracles can't happen. You have what you've been given. I am VERY grateful for what I've been given, don't get me wrong. What I'm actually getting at is that there has not been the 'woooaaaah, you've changed' moment for me, as there have been for others. I go to my bariatric meeting and some people have had the 'Whoaaa' transformation. The Sloth to Demi moment. I, have not. People of course recognise that I have shifted some weight and rarely acknowledge it - which is socially normal. But its like nothing has changed. Why?! As the title suggests - should I be disappointed by this, flattered or just indifferent to it? Of course, I wanted a 'transformation' of sorts and have achieved that - of sorts. But were the utterances of others about my personality and face actually true all along and in fact, the only person who appeared to be bothered by my weight, or even noticed it, was, well, just me?! By virtue of this, does it make the fact that I went through surgery ludicrous? Of course not, because (and I'm appealing to the health-freak tedious here), I have made myself more healthy. But really, all the long-held deep-seated and total misery about my weight - was it really only my problem all along?! Who knows... I am Revs. I have a personality. And everything else, despite this surgery, just appears to be, well, irrelevant! <Omitting, of course, that my backside is considerably smaller and I can now buy the hottest clothes and the highest heels> Anyone else had something similar? Anyone else after weight loss just been 'You' - but a 'lighter' version. 'You-Light', if you will! Have your expectations matched reality both in physical, social and psychological terms? Do, please tell! Looking forward to reading your thoughts... x N.B I am hoping this will not become a 'before and after' photo opportunity thread, btw...... <The grumpy OP>

Another option, if you like yoghurt? Is a product called 'Upbeat'. You can find it in Tescos next to all the yoplait/benecol/yakhult drinks. Its a strawberry or mango flavoured Protein drink that seriously tastes like yoplait. It has 20g of protein in a small bottle. Its amazing. They were my go-to thing for about 8 weeks. Bit pricey at between £1.50-£1.70 a bottle. But if you can get them on special, they're fabulous. It really is like taking a yakhult and super tasty, too. No gammy protein aftertaste.

Well, I'd say as long as you're doing it in a really overly-nice way.. ala 'Oh, I'm so sorry for bothering you again, just wondered if anyone has cancelled this week? I know you must be exceptionally busy and I really sorry for harassing you. I empathise with you having to deal with people harassing you all the time. Yes, the NHS is being abused by the Government at the moment, isn't it. Are you going anywhere nice on holiday this year? Oh, your hair looks lovely. Are they pictures of your children? Aren't they beautiful...' Kind of thing! If you can veer away from desperation and shine with a sparkling personality, they'll remember you for the right reasons - not the wrong ones! Also, after a huge dose of flattery, telling them about your work situation and covet some empathy from them. This might make them think of you first... Know what I mean? Worth a shot, for sure. Did you get any names of the person who would be responsible for scheduling you? If not, you might want to do that and work on them first and foremost!

What's a 'mini thigh lift'?