mnardi123

Okay folks, I'm 6 weeks out and would like to build an online support system. The days of just popping something in my mouth without any physical consequences (except my fat butt, double chin, jiggly arms etc.) are long gone. If I accidentally or even purposely put something in my mouth (you know it's the "what could happen it I just tasted it" syndrome) I get stomach pains. How am I going to do this for life? I know, I was in this abusive relationship with food and I'm now in "rehab" but how do I become one of those people who eat to live and not live to eat? Especially when I'm the go to gal for culinary creations, it took me 6 months to develop what I think is the world's best cinnamon roll and when I make ravioli I make my own ricotta cheese and pasta dough; and I make a NY Cheesecake that any New Yorker would have naughty dreams of. It's how I make extra cash for the holidays. But food has also caused me so much pain, sadness and lack of self esteem and after 6 weeks post-op, my husband told me I was beautiful, I've been married 17 years and I haven't heard him call me beautiful in 14 years (I've been pretty, cute, sweet and even adorable). If anyone else is having these up and down feelings would you be willing to give a little help to this sleever?

I've bought all the shakes, chew-able vitamins, liquid vitamins, have gone for blood work, upper g.i. testing and started my prep diet without getting any final confirmation until this morning that next Friday at 10:30 I'm scheduled for my surgery. I keep thinking this isn't real. Part of me is scared to give up all of the foods and addictive behaviors that have gotten me to this point but another part of me is thinking this is a rebirth, a chance to learn how to do it all over again and do it right. I think the best advise I've gotten so far is my nutritionalist who tells me that I'm leaving an abusive relationship, one I have always given excuses to, have always forgiven only to be mistreated by it (she's deep). All I know is I feel like a hypocrite trying to help my daughter when I can't help myself. I guess I don't have a choice, I want to be the best mom that I can be and I need to teach her what healthy is, what being strong is, and who I really am which isn't the person who always stands in the back of the pictures if I get in it at all, or the person who only wears black pants not because it's slimming but because color may draw more attention to me.