vinesqueen

I wrote this in response to this thread. http://lapbandtalk.com/showthread.php?t=14862 Kellie had written about being dissatisfied and bored after losing more than 60 pounds. She wants more, but isn't sure what is going on because she's changing so rapidly. ... Romance is not just for the beginnning. Romance is for sustaining the relationship. Okay, I can't talk about losing weight, and the changes it brings, but I think I can speak to the base issue. Everyone gets bored occasionally, even I do. But the key is find something passionate. I'm not just talking sex, but passion for life. Of course you are in a weird place right now, and of course you wouldn't know what you are doing, where you are going. You, my dear, are entering uncharted territory. You are physically changing dramatically, and with those physical changes come emotional changes. Instead of hating what is happening to you, instead of hating the changes, I think you need to fully embrace the new you. Celebrate because you are going where you wanted to go. But it's hard to understand the why and how when you are right in the middle of the transformation. I think butterflys don't like it when they first change. They used to be one thing, and everyone around them knew what to expect, they knew what to expect as the catapiller. Becoming a butterfly means that they have a whole new skill set to learn, they must learn to fly, they must learn a new way to eat, they must learn a new way to interact with everyone around. You have all this new found energy, that you are not used to having. Of course you want to shake things up because you now have enough energy to want something more, something different. I think your needs go beyond the bedroom. I think right now you need a little apprication, because we all do. I think you need some extra TLC because you are changing so rapidly, and change can be very scary. But I think if you want more romance, you will need to be more romantic in turn. But only you and your husband can decide what is romantic for you. Latenight pic-nics under the stars, love notes, camping trips, dancing... all different. Perhaps that's it! Dancing! I know that ballroom dancing is making a comeback bigtime, and for good reason. It's great excersize and romantic at the same time. It will give you a way to connect with your husband on an intimate level, that doesn't involve being naked, but rather on a different level that is just as important as sex. But one thing I think is important here. You need to find something that you are passionate about that has nothing to do with sex. You need to channel this new energy you have into something constructive. I don't know if you have communtiy parks and recreation centers where you can go learn a new hobby like painting or ceramics or woodworking or soemthing like that. You might look at your working situation, maybe transfer to another group or take some classes that will further your career. (my career is one of my passions) Perhaps volunteer with an organization that you feel strongly about, the local animal shelter, homeless shelter, or battered woman's center. Get involved with politics or the local gardening club. Start a catering business where you only do children's parties. Buy a new video game.... Your husband and children cannot fulfill all your needs. I don't believe it is fair for you to ask them too either. You need to find something else you can focus on, something that gives you passion, or fires your smoldering passion __________________

Romance is not just for the beginnning. Romance is for sustaining the relationship. Okay, I can't talk about losing weight, and the changes it brings, but I think I can speak to the base issue. Everyone gets bored occasionally, even I do. But the key is find something passionate. I'm not just talking sex, but passion for life. Of course you are in a weird place right now, and of course you wouldn't know what you are doing, where you are going. You, my dear, are entering uncharted territory. You are physically changing dramatically, and with those physical changes come emotional changes. Instead of hating what is happening to you, instead of hating the changes, I think you need to fully embrace the new you. Celebrate because you are going where you wanted to go. But it's hard to understand the why and how when you are right in the middle of the transformation. I think butterflys don't like it when they first change. They used to be one thing, and everyone around them knew what to expect, they knew what to expect as the catapiller. Becoming a butterfly means that they have a whole new skill set to learn, they must learn to fly, they must learn a new way to eat, they must learn a new way to interact with everyone around. You have all this new found energy, that you are not used to having. Of course you want to shake things up because you now have enough energy to want something more, something different. I think your needs go beyond the bedroom. I think right now you need a little apprication, because we all do. I think you need some extra TLC because you are changing so rapidly, and change can be very scary. But I think if you want more romance, you will need to be more romantic in turn. But only you and your husband can decide what is romantic for you. Latenight pic-nics under the stars, love notes, camping trips, dancing... all different. Perhaps that's it! Dancing! I know that ballroom dancing is making a comeback bigtime, and for good reason. It's great excersize and romantic at the same time. It will give you a way to connect with your husband on an intimate level, that doesn't involve being naked, but rather on a different level that is just as important as sex. But one thing I think is important here. You need to find something that you are passionate about that has nothing to do with sex. You need to channel this new energy you have into something constructive. I don't know if you have communtiy parks and recreation centers where you can go learn a new hobby like painting or ceramics or woodworking or soemthing like that. You might look at your working situation, maybe transfer to another group or take some classes that will further your career. (my career is one of my passions) Perhaps volunteer with an organization that you feel strongly about, the local animal shelter, homeless shelter, or battered woman's center. Get involved with politics or the local gardening club. Start a catering business where you only do children's parties. Buy a new video game.... Your husband and children cannot fulfill all your needs. I don't believe it is fair for you to ask them too either. You need to find something else you can focus on, something that gives you passion, or fires your smoldering passion

how exciting! Yay!

Okay, so you created a formula... piffle! On MY stats tracker page, not only do I track 16 body measurements I figure my current bodyfat percentage, as well as my new projected goal range based on the 25% to 35% body fat that is approprate for a woman of my age. Using this range of numbers I determine my current weight goals. geekgurls rule

So very sorry Penny! (((((hugs)))))

first off, what do you mean by "working for you?" I have had fills kick in right away, and I've had fills take awhile before they sort of crept up on me. But I don't lose weight, no matter how tight I am.

Excellent work Mandy!

Since this isn't a personal reslationship, I don't see much trouble with what you told him. UNLESS you have trouble with it. If you have trouble with it, then you need to come clean. Good luck.

Happy Birthday Kare Bear! May the cities in your wake, Burn like candles on your cake! Well, at least you weren't admitted to the hospital for pneumonia, you didn't have poison oak so bad you look like your face is meltling, you weren't in the hospital having your apendix removed, no body stabed you so you required stiches, your pet birds were not eaten by your room-mate's cat, and your husband didn't decide that was the day to tell you he was leaving, after clearing out your joint accounts. See, it could be worse.

Wow Sho, amazing journey you've had. I know you've been through hell and back, but I would strongly recommend that you get your body fat percentaged measured. My goal weight is 190 to 170, and I will look damn fine at 180, if I ever make it. (stupid Cushing's) But at 180, I'll have a BMI of 30 as well. But at a BMI of 30, I'll have a body fat percentage of close to 30%, which is right where it should be for a woman of my age. RIGHT THERE. If you need help figuring out your FFM, please drop me a PM and I'll help you figure it out. Best of luck to you Sho.

Thanks for posting this. One thing you probably don't realize, partly because you don't have the band and partly because p'nut hasn't reached this stage yet. One of the things about the band is it forces us to look at past behaviours, forces us to learn new ways to deal with food, and many of us after being banded for a period of time, start to have real insights about why we deal with food the way we do. For some of us it is a flash of insight, an epifany if you will. Others come to the place of understanding more gradually and gently. Right now, we have so many baby bandsters that they don't understand some of the process. and telling me that this thread isn't for me makes me want to post on this thread all the more. You have, in effect, made it forbidden to me. If someone tells me that I can't have something, I want it all the more.

I haven't been very active here lately because I've been so freaked out and depressed by the Cushing's diagnosis. I felt like I don't have much to offer because no matter how hard I try, I don't lose weight, won't lose weight so what's the point... That's been my frame of mind anyway. Well. Last week I ended up with my first case of celulitus and was sick, sick, sick. I had a high fever for most of the week, and I'm one that normally never ever gets a fever. I was sick in bed and I probably slept more last week than I aws away. I was that sick. So, I went for my recheck, and I'm informed that it looks like I might lose my skin graph. ( had a motorcycle accident 19 years ago and have been paying the price ever since.) The skin graph is about the size of the palm of your hand, maybe a little longer on the outside of my calf, not the best place for one. I see the plastic surgeon next week, soonest I could get in. So, again I'm majorly bummed out. I gained 3 pounds last week. I can't excersize because I have to keep my leg elevated as much as humanly possible. But at least I can think again, and I'm not fever addled. Just hopped up on pain killers.

oh Geeze! I had a "sizable" cyst rupture this summer, and baby doll, I sure feel sorry for you! (((((hugs)))))

Nope, I didn't miss the point. My point was that perhaps if people do not view food as a temptation, as bad, then they will just see it for what it is, and nothing more. Perhaps if people look at the real issue with the food, then perhaps it will not have power over them any longer.

Oh P'nut, you haven't read all our xxx threads then...

But I do strive for all things in moderation. I strive for balance in my life. For me, saying that if all food had to offer is taste and no substance then it should be forbidden is like saying sex is only for procreation and not for pleasure. Fat is an important part of our diet. There are many vitamines that cannot be metabolized without fat, the As the Es and I think K as well. But don't quote me on K. Fat is vital, but it must be done in moderation. I couldn't disagree with you more about your analagy to the battered wife senario.

Sorry NewSho, but I had to read and re-read what Maygoddess posted trying to find what was so offensive. I just did not read what you did, or rather how you read it. The written word is like that, it's so hard sometimes to read what other's truely intended. Frequenly our more experienced bandsters will include how long they have been banded simply because they have more experience. And yes, their experiences tend to have more weight if you will because they have the experince. We value where they have been because they have been there. Since you are a long time bandster, your insights are of course valued. I understand your frustration at a certian level. You feel like you are stuck with a BMI of 30, but just like any scale, the BMI scale lies. It does not take into account a person's muscle mass. You might already be at goal because your body fat is right where it should be for a woman of your age. I don't know these things specifically about you, since they are not easily handy. According to your blog, you "only" have about 16 pounds to lose, but it is quite possible you are basing that number on some arbitrary number, not one to your specific body needs. On a broader note, I always wonder at that 25% that don't lose with the band. After taking 3 statistics courses, I have to wonder at any given statistic, it's just my nature I guess, skeptic to the core.

hmmm, temptation implies that something is forbidden. Human nature desires that which is forbidden, it is more aluring, more desireable than things that are easily had. food is not "bad" unless of course it is past it's pull date or was left out too long. It's like emotions, it simply is, not good or bad. Okay, I'll be the first to admit that there is yummy and there is icky, but I do not believe that food has any intrisnic value beyond what it is. Okay, except for ice cream, since ice cream equals love. But other than that... I always have candy or chocolate in the house. I have ice cream in my freezer all the time. But that doesn't mean that I eat it constantly, or even frequenly. The ice cream bar I have in the freezer is from a pack of non-fat nestle crunch bars I bought in .... early January. But then again, I'm the one who's had to throw chocolate away because it got dusty. Just knowing that it is there is a comfort for me. I could have it any time I want to, but I don't want it, but I could have it if I wanted it, and it's there just in case I want it, but generally I don't. Except for when I do. Besides, I know that the gods want me to have chocolate, I gave it up for lent one year and gained 18 pounds from not eating chocolate.

I"m still looking for why this is such an emotional issue. Someone posted in another thread that weight loss and easy shouldn't ever go togehter. Why? Why isn't it okay for weight loss to be easy? Is it that collectively we feel that it should be penence for the sin of gluttony? Personally, I think that weightloss should be as easy and painless as possible, as permanent as possible. Of course, all this is wishful thinking on my part.

Well, not quite like superman, he keeps his arms at his side, I guess so he's more streamlined and can get better air speed.

Hello Paulax, I'm a special case, since I've been diagnosed with Cushing's, a metabolic disorder. If I'd not been banded, my Cushing's would have never been caught, so yay for that. My only heartbreak with the band is that I don't weight.

Hello Kelli, I think being crampy is normal. Your body is still going PANIC! PANIC! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO US????? That said, do not hesitate to call your doctor if you have a fever, swelling or unusual tenderness. Don't hesitate to contact him or her if you have any questions. That's why they get the big bucks.

Oh how wonderful Kathy! I'm so vey happy and relieved!

No, the phone call from hell would be closer to him yelling at you and giving you nothing but grief and dispair over this. Threatening emotional blackmail. He sounds like a good friend. Go take a nap, sounds like you deserve one.

oh yes, you generally do not need a fill if you are losing weight and are not hungry. If you are "starving" or probably more accurate, ravenously hungry, you probably need a fill. It's amazing what even a small fill can do for you. Because you are brute forcing your way though this, it's time for a fill. Hopefully your clinic is staffed by compassionate people who are interested in your journey and not just in it for the bucks. Good luck! I think part of the magic of the band is that once we are filled we are no longer ravenously hungry all the time. We no longer want to eat huge portions, not simply because we can't but because something eventually gets flipped in our brains that we don't need to eat dinner at Claim Jumpers. (This restaurant chain has several locations in Washington state, I don't know if they have a wider wider market. One of their appitisers would feed me PRE-BAND for 3 or 4 meals. HUGE portions, even by American standards, which is part of their appeal)