Valentina

My "grazing" was at night, when I woke up to go to the "tinkletorium". My bedroom was downstairs way too close to the kitchen. It was like I was sleep walking--just to grab a few nuts or chips. Yeah, right. What did I do? I moved my bedroom upstairs--close to the bathroom and far away from the kitchen. Works for me. Beware of the "Crazy Grazer Syndrome".

I order from the appetizer menu if there is a suitable selection. If not I ask if I can "design" my own small meal. I carry a card stating that I am post bariatric surgery patient which was given to me by my hospital and signed by my surgeon. I can report that I have NEVER been denied the opportunity to design my own meal. Restaurants--especially local ones don't want to drive repeat customers away. --and with the increasing number of people having bariatric surgery, co-operating with me helps them "plan" for the future. I also report the restaurant and their wiliness to my support group at our next meeting. That sends more customers into the co-operative restaurant. It's a wee bit of work, but it's a "win/win" for everybody.

I've actually given this some thought---why? I haven't a clue. After being the office administrator for a group of surgeons, (many years ago), I think I remember shaving since the 1970's is "surgeon's preference". It's all about his/her background as to what is proper, sterile, hygienically and clean surgery. Research backs up the practice of NOT shaving--even for childbirth, because any kind of shaving leaves the skin "traumatized"--irritated and sometimes cut. There. That is what I'm thinking.... To Shave or Not To Shave: That is the question. I hope that is the hardest dilemma any of us will have to face while we share this journey that has brought us all here. Be healthy and hairy, (Please no braiding one's "small hairs") , Valentina

He's gotten me here. I am not alone.

I DID drive myself to the hospital the morning of my surgery. I know how long and lonely that trip was. I finally decided that: I was giving myself this "present" of good health,/ a longer life to be able to interact with my children, family and friends on a much more active level. The tag on your "present" should read, "To: ME, From: ME, Love, ME" Be kind to yourself. Everything and everyone will fall into place. Take care and keep in touch--often, Valentina

You sound to be a woman who doesn't make true/deep friends easily, but when you do, it's for keeps. Maybe it's time to put the kettle on and have a "truth time tea party". I think you can't let it go because you haven't addressed it. Tell her, as her friend, --calmly, but without mincing, just how you FEEL. True friends don't always have to be of one mind about every issue. If your friend doesn't realize how deeply you feel about this issue, how can she appreciate the seriousness of your now negative feelings. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They're feelings. They are the barest, but truest inner termoil anyone can experience. Give your friendship this last effort, before "letting go". Friends need to be cherished and held on to--not let go of--until all efforts to save it have failed. Think about it. Valentina

I am a canine behaviorist and have been for over 40yrs. I simply love instructing people how to use their God given common sense when wanting their dog to behave. Over the years it never fails to make me laugh when a returning client (same person with a different dog) comes up to me and is so proud that they were able to pick a puppy who was soooo much smarter than their first dog they brought through my classes. Silly person! It's not the dog--it you!!! It is much easier to learn good habits that to retrain bad ones.! Bad habits once entrenched are devishly difficult to retrain. It can be done and once it is, whatever the learned bad behavior was will probably never be repeated. Good habits take the same amount of time to learn, and so much more meaningful and fun--having only positive results. So, here we are, retraining our lives---learning good habits. Difficult? sometimes. Worthwhile? Hell yeah!! I guess what I'm trying to say is good things happen when we not only take responsibility for our bad habits, but are willing to put in the time and effort to retrain ourselves into good ones.

Unless the hospital is sending hair to a third world country for weaving, I can't think of a single reason why one would have to shave for WLS. I didn't have to shave for childbirth, spinal surgery or a hysterectomy. You simple HAVE to ask and then PLEASE report the reasoning back to us. We will be right here, keeping your place warm on "The Losers' Bench". Bless, Valentina

I couldn't agree more! BE CAREFUL--AND SMART!! Never meet anyone for the first time at night. Never meet someone you don't know in a private place. I know how vulnerable we all can be at times--an lonely. Sometimes be become "blinded" by all of the warning signals that on a normal day we would pick up on. Make your first meeting special--and safe. Plan ahead. Meet someone public, but where you can have a nice private conversation--like the zoo. There are always plenty of people around if you need to ask for help. Meanwhile, no one is really paying any attention to you. AND ALWAYS tell someone where you are going and who you will be with!!! It's sad that such precautions are needed, but in today's world--well, they just are. Be safe. Plan to be smart. If "he's " the right one, he will understand. You're worth the bother. Jewels are not just for easy picking. They have to be worked for...

Such kind and true words. I will read them often and try to follow your advise always.

Interesting expression. I literally used to ask God, "How can the sun shine? How can everyone just carry on with their lives. Don't they see that I'm dying?. Am I completely invisible?" I don't know if you are old enough to remember the song with the lyrics, "why do the birds go on singing? -----------------can't they see it's the end of the world?" That is exactly how I felt. BUT, now here I am--a wee bit slow getting out of the gate, but watch my stride!!!! Thank you for your words. They actually had me smiling and humming. Thank you ever so much.

I found one not too far away and attended my first meeting last week. They only meet once a month, so I'm still looking for another. Thank you for the kind words.

"Tread softly upon the pain". Worry, embarrassment, hurt, frustration, resentment, anger, and fear will all slow down your healing processes. You need to have nothing on your heart and mind except getting physically and emotionally stronger every day after your surgeries. Anything else just "clogs up the healing flow". I would try to find a quiet time, sit down with your husband, hold his hand, look him in the eyes and explain to him just how much his love and support mean to you right now and forever more. I would --without looking away--repeat my wedding vows. Ask him if he remembers his vow to not only you but to his church when he became its minister. I would explain that in every woman's life there is a time when she truly needs to "the one", the reason the sun rises and sets. The time she whole heartedly needs to be "cherished". Now, before your surgery is "your time". You can tell him that you know you both have "issues" and you are more than willing and are looking forward to working through with him---after surgery, but for right now, right here, you NEED him to be the husband the God instructs him to be. I know how crucial support is from one's "heart". Try and try and try again to get that through to him. We are here to listen and encourage. ---and pray for each other. Right now you have been added to a pray life-line. Folks you don't even know are praying for you. How can you lose? prayers are floating up to the Lord --all for you. All will be well, God bless and KEEP IN TOUCH-----OFTEN! Valentina

Thank you for trying to understand. If I understood his suicide and my reaction to it, I wouldn't have needed the 4 1/2yrs of therapy. Thank you again. This week, well since Jan 12th, I've lost 11 pounds. I've gone back to a Protein shake for Breakfast, greed yogurt for lunch and an "allowable" dinner with a green salad topped with nutritional yeast. I am having trouble drinking enough. I've never been a big Fluid consumer, but I'm working at it. I am going three times a week for aqua therapy for my back since spinal fusion. After that I will join the pool. Thank you again, for asking about my progress. It means a great deal to me.

Five years later, I know. It isn't easy now, but it was impossible for me to accept then. I was just looking for a wee bit of support and understanding. I guess those are difficult items to give.

Once again (feeling kind of good to finally admit it), I had my sleeve surgery June 6, 2011. My S. O. committed suicide and my train of all rational thought went completely off the rails. I could not/would not admit that I had the surgery--even to myself. I went into complete denial. I felt responsible for John's death because he did not want me to have the surgery and was adamant about it. I did what a lot of BPs' suggest that we do when a family member isn't supportive--I had the surgery anyway. Well, I wasn't prepared for the consequences of that decision. It has taken me years to come to where I am now. I have started all over again with the 4th week diet. I have met with a surgeon, nutritionist, am having aqua therapy, am still in therapy and I came here--where I ONCE I found sooo much support and heart felt caring. I am determined to finish my Quest that I started that June morning in 2011--with or without BP's support. It saddens me that I may not have it. But NO ONE will stop me this time---NO ONE... God Bless, Valentina

As I said before, owing no explanations, it was a VERY long time before I acknowledged John's suicide--even to myself. I came back after all these years and long sessions of therapy, to get support and kinship. If you are unwilling or unable to offer that to me, let me know. Right now I am feeling so disappointed.

Well, there you are!!!! I was beginning to worry Anyway, WELCOME TO THE LOSERS' BENCH!!!!! Now starts the rest of your life... sugar free popsicles are a god sent. Use them--enjoy them. They can be your best friend right now. --even slushy clear Protein drinks. Just get the fluids in--focus on that right now. Everything else will fall into place. I am surprised that you can have Protein shakes. But I guess every surgeon has his own protocol. Follow it. --so delighted to welcome you to the bench and please keep in touch--OFTEN! We've been there--done that--and hopeful can be of some help to you. "You done good". Valentina

Has anyone heard from/about our friend, Frankenstein???

I finally had to wrap my head around this: WLS is a gift I ​give TO ME---FROM ME--LOVE ME! I had to love myself enough to make this journey alone if the need be. I put the proverbial "stick up my butt", grit my teeth, gathered my stubbornness and determination and move forward--always forward. Enjoy your family, smile at their "antics! --always keep in mind your journey and the wonderful life you will have when you will be able to interact with your children better, and even that "sometimes thoughtless" husband of yours. "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" Keep in touch

Another update: the two guys closest to me closed their accounts. Haven't chatted with Mr. 40-Mile since Friday, when he was going out of town for the weekend. I'm back to square zero. No, you're back to "just you" and being alone with "just you" is just fine. "If you can't improve upon the silence---don't". Enjoy your time with "yourself".

Yo, ProYo! JohnZ54, is there any soy in this treat? I am EXTREMELY allergic to soy and the damn stuff is in just about everything. Thank YOU.Valentina Hello, it's a lil off topic but what is your reaction if you consume soy? My 8 year daughter is also extremely allergic to soy. She has vomiting and diarrhea. On another note, Healthy Choice also has a Greek frozen yogurt. I've found in the frozen foods section with the Healthy Choice section. I go into anaphylactic shock. Starts with itchy throat/mouth, feeling clammy, itching ALL over, welts everywhere, throat/face swells--can't hear, can't see, breathing difficult/ heart races and then it all goes down hill from there.

--just showing my age and background, I guess. It fits, don't you think??

I remember talking to my surgeon about what dog he should get for his son. ( I am a canine behaviorist) The first thing I remember is thinking "where is the pain"? It never came.

So, here's the plan: The next "schmegma breath" that insults one of us, we grab him from behind, bind their arms and legs. We cut a huge square area out of the center of his gut. Then we implant the same size of plexiglass into the hole that we just made. You might ask,"Valentina?, what is the purpose of having a large piece of plexiglass in the center of a man's gut"? Well, my friends, that is what is called a "plexiotomy". That is made so now whenever this "man" shoves his own head up his *ss, he will be able to see where he's going. (which sounds to me like the loser is going nowhere!!!).