Globetrotter

Since I am still trying to lose weight, since I am still fat, since I have not reached goal even though I am nearly 3 years out, dealing with my mind has become a greater issue then it has been since surgery. I feel fat, I feel stared at, and I know that these two things are true but shouldn't be as upsetting as they are. A year ago, when I was in the gym 2 hours a day 6 days a week and going to dance workshops nearly every weekend, I didn't feel this way. I lived in my body, owned it and the space it used, was very "present". Now that I am fighting regain and still hoping for true goal, that carefully built esteem and confidence is eroding under stronger tides. I utilize everything I learned in yoga, mindfulness, meditation, everything, and sometimes I still can't seem to catch my breath. I breathe slowly and deeply from the diaphragm and still feel like there's no oxygen in my air, I think I'm having anxiety attacks. I havae to be careful where I seek help though, as that can have a negative effect.

First of all I want to commend your bravery for posting this very real, and probably very common, fear out there, good for you. Also, there is a thread in the lounge that I started called "attention, I thought that's what I wanted", it addresses some of your fears. Perhaps I'm an odd duck but, when I was a kid "popular" meant nothing to me. I simply didn't understand that you were *supposed* to want to hang out with people because they were "popular". This concept puzzled me - why would I want to hang out with someone if they weren't my friend? Why was I supposed to want something because someone else wanted it? This was highly illogical to me. I wanted french fries because I liked french fries, not because somebody I didn't know wanted french fries. the point of my random story is that I apply the same principles to men now. Why would I want someone who doesn't want me? The men who didn't want me when I was obese - it is beside the point of whether or not they would want me now, because fat or thin, I would never want to be with someone that shallow. And it goes in reverse too, there really are men out there who are derogatory to thin women and will only date fat - again, here is a person that is categorizing people based on appearances and not substance and why on earth would I want to be with a person like that? Now, lets forget the boys for a moment, I was deeply unhappy in my my body mind and heart over the state of my body, I was miserable. I felt trapped, like I was drowning in a sea of fat and couldn't participate in the things I love most about a physical life. How could I expect someone to love me, when I didn't love myself? So, I hold no grudge or animosity toward the hypothetical man who may find this current shell attractive, but who wouldn't have found the other one attractive. THAT is not who I am, THIS is, and I don't want to get obsessed with spilled milk. Good luck and welcome!

Checking in: 5 weeks have now passed since I recommited myself to exercise and food monitoring, 3 weeks since I began focusing on strength training and IIFYM and I haven't lost a pound. I feel good when I exercise but I still can't run longer than 4 minutes at a stretch and have only advanced one notch's worth of weight on my weights machines. Only the subtlest of changes in the mirror, an ever so slight toning. Of course I'm not stopping, of course I will persevere but, COME ON!! this sux.

champagne problems Janice! rotflmao

Without access to protein powders/shots/bars or anything manufactured for protein boosting, how the hay am I supposed to hit 1545 a day and 193g protein? Ideas? Anyone? I can barely crest 1000 cals and 90g protein

Since I know that size numbers are all fiction especially these days with rampant vanity sizing, I instead have a "vanity" goal of scale numbers. Knowing my genetics, what my Mother and Grandmothers weighed at this age and roughly similar heights, I think it is perfectly reasonable at 5'3" to -after plastics- weight 124 pounds or less.

I too am anti-implant, what's that gonna look like when we're 70?? That's why I'm so keen on researching the use of recycled fat. I mean, if they are already doing it successfully with the backside, why not the front lumps?

How did you get down to 128 pounds?

I've been doing this for 2 weeks now and still can't manage to hit above 1150 cals and 100g protein a day. dang!!

I think this thread might need to get nominated for best thread EVAR in the history of VST, I do not normally laugh out loud, but I actually LOLd many times going through the entire thread from page one. And OMG, I was raised calling it a twinkie too!! Talk about messing me up when I discovered there was a snack cake by the same name!! I was horrified, imagining harvested "twinkies" in celophane wrapping!! There are all sorts of exercises we can do to maintain buff muffs on the inside but since the outside is just fatty padding, theres not much we can do there. I will definitely be interested in a mons lift as part of a TT or body contouring. Interesingly enough, when I was heavy a smaller penis was perfectly delightful, now... I uh ... get what all the *big* fuss is, ahem.. To the Original Poster - There is another thread here about mons lifts that you might find interesting.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA *pause for air* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! inaccurate, yet with pockets of truth. At 31 I have never been married and my boyfriend was 23 and I. Am. Gorgeous. he could hardly keep up. When I broke up with him, we remained close dear friends. All of his male friends in his age bracket were super jealous and were frank about the reason why they adore older women - we are sure of ourselves, sure of what we want, and don't waste anyone's time with games or insecurities. So, that part of your estimation is accurate. However, throwing in the bit about divorcee cougars looking for vapid trainable puppies is so trite, it's boring. It's the kind of schlock stereotyping that you find on boring sitcoms.

I want a lift and back lipo and the recycled fat used to fluff up the girls. Can this be done, and still breastfeed someday?

I'm starting to get a lot of push back from friends and family regarding the TDEE and the IIFYM, and I don't feel educated enough on the science of why this is any more efficacious or healthful than the extreme low calorie. One nit picker had issues with the IIFYM website itself, finding it dubious and unprofessional - his words, not mine. As far as the proof being in the pudding, I have been strength-training focused for 3 weeks now, 2 weeks of IIFYM, and I am *up* 3 pounds* so, not feeling the love from this method yet.

Sigh, remember when this thread used to be about resetting your metabolism with diet and exercise? Remember when a person could post here regarding that, and expect a good response that wasn't about treadmills??

I didn't realize people had difficulty with digesting apple, I think I had my first one abut 3 months post op, I had followed the clears/pureed/mushy timeline to the letter so that first apple was like ambrosia of the gods - it was just a run of the mill factory granny smith apple but the flavors exploded in my mouth with exotic nuance, and the crispy juicy flesh yielded to my teeth in the most delightful way

my food choices are limited - I'm deployed. Im working my way up to 1500 cals but am currently at about 1100, up from 750. I eat tuna, sardines, green salad, green apples, Protein Bars, oranges, milk, chicken, trout, steak but none of that is on a daily reliable basis. I just ran out of Protein powder. @ MickeyDies - I had my thyroid checked about 4.5 years ago and I think they said I would eventually develop Hashimotos?? But frankly this was a podunk endocrinologist in MO and I'll get a second opinion, maybe if I go on R&R. Where you born without a thyroid? I started exhibiting signs of thyroid malfunction by the time I was 15, but we were too ignorant to figure it out.

Kalimomo, JumperBean, OldMe, Fiddle, NMJG, LaraVen, getlownurse - THANK YOU!!!! I can't even begin to express to you what your posts meant to me; to know that you ge it, REALLY get it, is so comforting, thank you. I do not, wherever I am in the world, subscribe to the "boys will be boys" ethos, that's how we got into the ugly place of rape being shrugged away or saying she was "asking for it". I am naturally a modest dresser but I will NOT be going out of my way cover up or hide, to do so would be to tacitly agree that the onus of responsibility is upon me somehow, to be responsible for their inability to handle themselves with integrity. It is a 10 to 1 ratio out here; I am a DoD civilian, so am subject to GO#1 etc. but am not *in* uniform, make senses? It's confusing. My rank equivalency is I think somewhere between a Major and an LTC. Today I had a bit of a dust up with my TL wherein I actually told him that he WOULD stand back, he was looming over me as I sat and we were having a heated arguement. Long story short there, I took my adrenaline that was coursing through my veins over to the gym and ran like I was being chased by the hounds of hell I also attended a stress management class this morning given by Combat Stress and discovered that I am already doing all of the things you can do; mindfulness, breathing exercises, yoga, exercise, sleep hygiene, good eating habits and a hobby. I will also go back this afternoon for a private chat with one of the mind medics. I would also like to call out Fiddleman, in a good way, Fiddle - formerly obese men are going through this too, and I appreciate hearing from you all on this, you really touched on the key hurt that underlies a lot of our social recovery. And NMJG, I went blonde right before deployment!! I'm a dark chocolate brunette and proud of it, but I started going silver at 18 and it's just taking way too much effort na d$$ to maintain my awesome brunetteness so I went for ash blonde, now when the silver grows in it looks like expensive highlights ;P Something I think I will work on with a therapist after deployment will be what I like to call the "Water water everywhere, not a drop to drink" paradox. My particular experience is that people will stare and stare and stare but never approach. So I get all of the irritation and uncomfortableness of attention, with none of the positivity of actual intimacy/interaction. But this bubble out here is unusual for sure, and not like anything really one might experience in the States and most men out here just don't get it. They don't get that I won't come and hang out at the smoke pit at night because I'm scared of walking back by myself. They don't get that I need to work out in the morning, and not after dark. They don't understand that I'm not interested in being someone's fleshlight with a heartbeat (sorry about that, gross but succinct). And the newest stress? We are now being affected by furloughs, even though we are in a warzone environment, so my salary just got cut by %50. Same danger, less pay.

Have you considered wearing a strapless corset or longline bra? Maybe it would put less stress on your stiches, and keep you snug like a binder? Do you wear ice packs when you are home on the couch? I don't know, I haven't had my plastics yet, I'm just throwing ideas out there

If we could return this thread to its original intention please, for a minute - Today is exactly one month since returning to vigorous exercise and food monitoring, 2 weeks since turning to weight-training focus, and 10 days since going IIFYM/TDEE on diet. And, as far as the scale or clothes fit goes - nothing. I have not lost any weight, my clothes do not fit any better. I'm not quite up to the 1500 recommended, more like close to 1100, but I'll get there. When I was obese, 2 years before I had surgery, I followed a faithful diet of 1400 calories a day, and an hour of vigorous (for my abilities at the time) exercise and in 6 months I lost only 20 pounds. One would think that a body trapped in 260 pounds would eagerly shed the excess weight, but mine didn't. Just thought I'd throw that info out there, since this eating at a higher calorie level is, once again, not doing anything for me...

well, dang, I tried!

Thank you, all, but LipstickLady - please read more closely. I did not say "all men" nor did I say "all women" and to just throw that in there as if I did, cheapens the deeper meaning of this thread. Had you read more closely you would have seen that I am in a rare and tricky set of circumstances right now, dealing with an environment that is nothing whatsoever like anything you have ever experienced, if you have not been deployed to an active warzone as a woman. I'm taking a mindfulness class tomorrow, I'm learning how to understand that I cannot control how others react to me, but I can control how I react to others. Also that nobody has the permission to treat me ill, unless I give it to them, and if they attempt to do so, I have the tools to defend myself. Maybe I will find a way to turn their leers into tender hugs of friendship, in my mind anyway! Cuz I want a hug more than anything right now. I did try to explain to my team leader tonight at dinner what it feels like to be physically outnumbered. I tried for about 10 minutes but he refused to understand and eventually said, "well I am a white male and if I fail it is all my fault, I can't blame it on anything." Uh, WOW. somehow he interpreted my trying to get him to understand what it's like being a woman here, to complaining and blaming ... and that's life here. I have attracted attention before, I had relationships when I was at my heaviest, the attention I'm talking about now isn't necessarily that alone, I think one way of describing it is that before I could will myself into invisibility, now I'm in the spotlight whether I'm ready for it or not.

Rust E Nale, you did not get the nuance of my thread at all.

Is it too late for me? I'm almost 3 years out and (apparently) destroyed my metabolism within my first year post-op. I have been attempting TDEE eating for ... one week now, not the true TDEE of 1545 because I know I need to go gradually, but well over 1000 cals. I have been exercising intensely for one month exactly now and have not lost any weight and since starting weights 2 weeks ago I've gone up 3 pounds. I've now run out of protein powder. I try to get in my water but, even if I prorate it over the course of the day, I am still running to the latrine every 10 minutes and I just can't be doing that, the latrine is 2 blocks away!

Also consider Pilates, which was invented for injured ballerinas, you use your own body weight and will end up drenched in sweat with a good pulse rate but never exerting your joints, so long as you find an instructor who is more focused on recovery and isn't competitive.

I'm the opposite, totally numb. When with my boyfriend, I could feel what he was doing, but didn't really *feel* it, does that make sense? I could feel a pinch, I can feel heat and cold but a caress, nope.