TerriDoodle

But see, when I am tight and then take the time for "small bites, chew chew chew, eat slowly" then it can take up to an hour or more for me to finish even a very small meal. It is not often I have that luxury of time! So then I would resort to liquids and mushies and crap that goes down easy. Yeah, I can make a tight band work....but it sure is more difficult....and adding reflux/GERD symptoms on top of that!? It was time for an unfill. I'll go back in 2-3 months and try again but in teeny-tiny increments of 0.1cc.

That is good to hear. I do not pretend to even have a clue about what it is like to live with the kind of hell you have had to endure in your life...not a freaking clue...so please understand that I was not 'preaching' at all. Like I said, it is just food for thought. As you can imagine, some people have never ever even considered that forgiveness is an option. It wasn't an option for me for a very long time until someone suggested it to me, and showed me the way, and I was liberated. Best of everything to you...and I mean that sincerely.

I'm here!! I'm gonna go grab a smoke on the patio. Wanna chat? I'll PM you my home number (my cell sucks in the house for some reason.)

Good points! And people may think they need to let their "enemy" know they've been forgiven....and that's not necessarily so either! In my case, my "enemy" moved out of my life long, long ago. I lived with bitterness for a very long time but when I finally forgave him, I certainly didn't feel the need to ring him up to let him know!! LOL It was a personal thing I did only for myself.

Apples2 -- Believe me, I am not challenging you here... only asking that you consider the benefits of moving toward a state of forgiveness toward your abuser. He may not "deserve" forgiveness in your opinion, but that doesn't really matter. What does matter is that you will find TRUE peace if you work on it. You say in one post that you "are now truly happy", but in the next post say "I live with the horror of what happened to me every day. I am only able to live a somewhat functional life after 5 years of therapy." To me it doesn't sound like you're "truly happy"...and perhaps you could be if you could learn to forgive your abuser. I understand it may seem impossible to think you could ever do so, but it's actually not impossible. If you only move toward it you will begin to realize the benefit to YOURSELF and will find subsequent steps easier and easier to take. Sainthood is definitely NOT a requirement. You may even find you don't need any more therapy! I really, really, REALLY don't mean to come off sounding all preachy... I only offer these suggestions as food for thought. I realize that the thought of forgiveness probably rarely crosses your mind.... but maybe it is time to consider it. Maybe this thread is exactly what you needed to read at this particular time in your life. Maybe this is synchronicity. Or maybe it's just another silly thread on a lap band forum.

An article by the Mayo Clinic on the health benefits forgiveness of others provides: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131 ====================================================== Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Your mother criticized your parenting skills. Your friend gossiped about you. Your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance. But when you don't practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Here, Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. What is forgiveness? There's no one definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you. This can reduce the power these feelings otherwise have over you, so that you can a live freer and happier life in the present. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. Doesn't forgiving someone mean you're forgetting or condoning what happened? Absolutely not! Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness also doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. What are the benefits of forgiving someone? Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including: Lower blood pressure Stress reduction Less hostility Better anger management skills Lower heart rate Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse Fewer depression symptoms Fewer anxiety symptoms Reduction in chronic pain More friendships Healthier relationships Greater religious or spiritual well-being Improved psychological well-being Why do we hold grudges and become resentful and unforgiving? The people most likely to hurt us are those closest to us — our partners, friends, siblings and parents. When we're hurt by someone we love and trust — whether it's a lie, betrayal, rejection, abuse or insult — it can be extremely difficult to overcome. And even minor offenses can turn into huge conflicts. When you experience hurt or harm from someone's actions or words, whether this is intended or not, you may begin experiencing negative feelings such as anger, confusion or sadness, especially when it's someone close to you. These feelings may start out small. But if you don't deal with them quickly, they can grow bigger and more powerful. They may even begin to crowd out positive feelings. Grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility take root when you dwell on hurtful events or situations, replaying them in your mind many times. Soon, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. You may feel trapped and may not see a way out. It's very hard to let go of grudges at this point and instead you may remain resentful and unforgiving. How do I know it's time to try to embrace forgiveness? When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many areas of our lives can suffer. When we're unforgiving, it's we who pay the price over and over. We may bring our anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Our lives may be so wrapped up in the wrong that we can't enjoy the present. Other signs that it may be time to consider forgiveness include: Dwelling on the events surrounding the offense Hearing from others that you have a chip on your shoulder or that you're wallowing in self-pity Being avoided by family and friends because they don't enjoy being around you Having angry outbursts at the smallest perceived slights Often feeling misunderstood Drinking excessively, smoking or using drugs to try to cope with your pain Having symptoms of depression or anxiety Being consumed by a desire for revenge or punishment Automatically thinking the worst about people or situations Regretting the loss of a valued relationship Feeling like your life lacks meaning or purpose Feeling at odds with your religious or spiritual beliefs The bottom line is that you may often feel miserable in your current life. How do I reach a state of forgiveness? Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. It can be difficult and it can take time. Everyone moves toward forgiveness a little differently. One step is to recognize the value of forgiveness and its importance in our lives at a given time. Another is to reflect on the facts of the situation, how we've reacted, and how this combination has affected our lives, our health and our well-being. Then, as we are ready, we can actively choose to forgive the one who has offended us. In this way, we move away from our role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in our lives. Forgiveness also means that we change old patterns of beliefs and actions that are driven by our bitterness. As we let go of grudges, we'll no longer define our lives by how we've been hurt, and we may even find compassion and understanding. What happens if I can't forgive someone? Forgiveness can be very challenging. It may be particularly hard to forgive someone who doesn't admit wrong or doesn't speak of their sorrow. Keep in mind that the key benefits of forgiveness are for you. If you find yourself stuck, it may be helpful to take some time to talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider or an unbiased family member or friend. It may also be helpful to reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who have forgiven you. As you recall how you felt, it may help you to understand the position of the person who hurt you. It can also be beneficial to pray, use guided meditation or journal. In any case, if the intention to forgive is present, forgiveness will come in its time. Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation? Not always. In some cases, reconciliation may be impossible because the offender has died. In other cases, reconciliation may not be appropriate, especially if you were attacked or assaulted. But even in those cases, forgiveness is still possible, even if reconciliation isn't. On the other hand, if the hurtful event involved a family member or friend whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation. This may not happen quickly, as you both may need time to re-establish trust. But in the end, your relationship may very well be one that is rich and fulfilling. What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don't want to? These situations are difficult. If the hurt involves a family member, it may not always be possible to avoid him or her entirely. You may be invited to the same family holiday gatherings, for instance. If you've reached a state of forgiveness, you may be able to enjoy these gatherings without bringing up the old hurts. If you haven't reached forgiveness, these gatherings may be tense and stressful for everyone, particularly if other family members have chosen sides in the conflict. So how do you handle this? First, remember that you do have a choice whether to attend or not attend family get-togethers. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to go, don't be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. It's important to keep an eye on those feelings. You don't want them to lead you to be unjust or unkind in return for what was done to you. Also, avoid drinking too much alcohol as a way to try to numb your feelings or feel better — it'll likely backfire. And keep an open heart and mind. People do change, and perhaps the offender will want to apologize or make amends. You also may find that the gathering helps you to move forward with forgiveness. How do I know when I've truly forgiven someone? Forgiveness may result in sincerely spoken words such as "I forgive you" or tender actions that fit the relationship. But more than this, forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. The offense is no longer front and center in your thoughts or feelings. Your hostility, resentment and misery have made way for compassion, kindness and peace. Also, remember that forgiveness often isn't a one-time thing. It begins with a decision, but because memories or another set of words or actions may trigger old feelings, you may need to recommit to forgiveness over and over again. What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change? Getting the other person to change their actions, behavior or words isn't the point of forgiveness. In fact, the other person may never change or apologize for the offense. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer define yourself as a victim. Forgiveness is done primarily for yourself, and less so for the person who wronged you. What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness? It may help to spend some time thinking about the offense you've committed and trying to determine the effect it has had on others. Unless it may cause more harm or distress, consider admitting the wrong you've done to those you've harmed, speaking of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically asking for forgiveness — without making excuses. But if this seems unwise because it may further harm or distress, don't do it — it's not about making yourself feel better by apologizing. You don't want to add salt to a painful wound. Also, keep in mind that you can't force someone to forgive you. They will need to move to forgiveness in their own time. In any case, we have to be willing to forgive ourselves. Holding on to resentment against yourself can be just as toxic as holding on to resentment against someone else. Recognize that poor behavior or mistakes don't make you worthless or bad. Accept the fact that you — like everyone else — aren't perfect. Accept yourself despite your faults. Admit your mistakes. Commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect. And again, talking with a spiritual leader, mental health provider or trusted friend or relative may be helpful. Forgiveness of yourself or someone else, though not easy, can transform your life. Instead of dwelling on the injustice and revenge, instead of being angry and bitter, you can move toward a life of peace, compassion, mercy, joy and kindness. By Mayo Clinic Staff Dec 8, 2007

I find it more than interesting that a thread with this title has attracted people to it that have no desire to forgive. I wonder if it means there is some part of you that wishes you could.

He's been dead since I was 8 years old.

I went to NYC with an xbf that spent many years there...so I had a home-guided tour and we rode the subways. It worked out great but I'd NEVER try that on my own! The subway stations were like a maze of tracks, escalators and platforms. I feel lucky that I got to see the World Trade Center before it was destroyed. My favorite part was the Diamond District:tt1::tongue2::tt1:

I think you should all just change the locks and your phone numbers, Laura.... that's the only way ya'll will ever get any real rest.

That whole thing sounds like a nightmare trip to me, too, Laura!!! UGH!!! I'm sorry :tongue2: Here's a safe bet: $100 that your mom never, never, never goes back to NYC.

Yeah, but can you really LIVE like this? Have you really considered the damage you might be doing to your stomach and esophagus? I'm not preaching... it's your body and your life....I respect that. For me, I just want to learn how to find the perfect balance. Just because I CAN eat more...should I? No! Just because I can get a cheeseburger down, does that mean I should order that instead of a salad w/ vinaigrette? Choices, choices, choices. The band cannot do all the work. <talking to myself here>

My advice is to get an unfill. I see you got banded in MX... where do you go for fills/unfills?

JennR - I hear you loud and clear. I just went for a partial unfill after going thru this same delimma for 4 months! Did you happen to see the thread I started? Let me share what happened with me and maybe that will help you make a decision. I could have written your post above back in February. I decided to 'hang in there' and see if I could just adjust my eating behaviors and food choices to accommodate my much tighter restriction. I had good days and bad days... but honestly, there were more bad than good. Because I couldn't really ever get in a 'full meal' I found myself snacking more. I could get junk food down (nachos!) but I couldn't eat an orange or a salad to save my life. I resorted to 'safe' and mushy foods 85% of the time, if not more. I started eating ice cream every night just to 'fill in the cracks' and resorted to milkshakes as my meal-on-the-run. (NOT good.) I began experiencing some symptoms of GERD and/or reflux. I began also experiencing esophageal spasms (OUCH!!!!!!). I panic'd when faced with just about any restaurant menu and wasted a LOT of money. I PB'd an average of about once/day, maybe more. I came to rely on the foods that didn't ever give me problems: chips, cheese, ice cream, cottage cheese, Soups, enchiladas, crackers, etc. This is SO not the way I enjoy eating, and I certainly didn't see this as a long-term way of life, that's for sure. I got an unfill and feel soooooooooo much better. Go ahead and stick with this fill for awhile if you want. Just be honest and pay attention to what foods you end up relying on. In my opinion, if you can't eat healthy foods, then you're too tight. I don't think any doctor would disagree with that.

Well, I FINALLY went in for the unfill and they took out 0.5cc. I went from the dr's office straight to a vacation with friends and I cannot tell you what a relief it was to be able to eat ANYTHING I wanted! Salad! Grilled chicken! Corn! Steak! Cantaloupe! Sandwiches! It may end up that this is "too loose" now....but I needed a break from this band more than I realized! I'm gonna eat salads for a week solid! I missed them so much! Yea!!!!

Y'know there's nothing that makes me madder than the x-bf calling to "see how you are doing"!!!....like they just want to make sure you're falling apart like they expect you to ...to build up their ego!!! I'm soooo glad to hear that you didn't call him back! Can't you just imagine that your silence is driving him crazy??!! Good!!! HA! A friend came to me one time whining about an ex-bf that called her from time to time over 2 years after HE broke up with HER! Just about the time she'd start feeling better and moving on, WHAM, there he was....calling "just to see how she was" or if she "just" wanted to go have dinner, etc. He didn't want her back, he just wanted to feed his ego, plain and simple!! Anyway, she was telling me how hard it was for her to talk to him (because she really did still have feelings for him). So I asked her, "Well, then why are you allowing the calls to continue?? Why haven't you asked him to stop calling you? Why are you giving him your power?" It was like a total Ah Ha! moment for her and she went home that evening and called him to ask that he stop making contact with her once and for all.... that she had no need of his "friendship". (She's a perfect lady and am sure she handled it with perfect grace.) He got MAD!...and HUNG UP ON HER! LOL!!! Now, what does that tell you??!? She was sooooooooooo glad she made that phone call because he really showed his true colors, not to mention that it really did free her to finally move on. She's now extremely happy with a wonderful man and I feel sure will be announcing an engagement any day now. Just food for thought, m'dear!.... You're doing great! Keep up the good work! ((Hugs)))

Hi Everyone! Well, we're back from the River G and I am sooooooooooo tired I can barely get my fingers moving to type this post. So forgive me if I make no sense!! We had a great time as usual. Everyone had comments about how much my son has changed over the last year and I agree!! DD brought a friend and they got into some mischief that kinda put a neg. spin on things but I didn't let it ruin our weekend...they just had to clean everyone's kitchens! LOL Worked out for all of us! The weather was perfect and the river was cool and quiet. I wish I was floating right now. My pina coladas were a big hit with the girls (Thanks TracyinKS!) and the food was incredible. One night we had filet mignon and grilled shrimp and the next night we had BBQ chicken, ribs and brisket ...with all the trimmings! Not to mention that there was always food out on the tables... Cookies, chips, salsas, etc., and full breakfasts...pastries, fruit, bkfst tacos, etc, etc, etc! Nothing but eating, drinking floating and laughing. Don't think I got a whole lotta exercise! Speaking of which, I got a 0.5 UNfill on Thursday and I can eat anything now. Portions still are somewhat under control but I can't tell you how nice it is to be able to enjoy a wide variety of foods again! I am very, very happy about that! NOW I'll be able (in theory) eat healthy foods instead of crap. Let's see how that works out, shall we? I googled it and looks like Sugar Land is about halfway between Tomball and Dickinson (~43 miles). Of course, Sugar Land has just about every restaurant you could ever want. Cheesecake Factory? Carrabba's? PF Chang's? Cafe Adobe? Pappadeaux? Cafe Express? La Madeline? Berryhill Tacos? Ragin' Cajun? How does that sound? Yeah, ya'll hear me talk all the time about what an expensive hobby it is! The start-up costs are a KILLER and beads are ADDICTIVE = very, very dangerous!! HA!! I read that part about the "wire that's the best on the planet"...OMG, that's for people who do things like beaded evening bags and bracelets made of tiny seed beads! I can't believe she tried to sell that to a beginner! You could have made do with the $4 wire just as well. You can tuck the ends of the elastic back inside the beads and glue them in place. She didn't show you how to finish it off so that it looks nice? Uh, that's supposed to be an integral part of the lesson! You, my dear, are freaking HILARIOUS! (Uh, where are your neighbors?? Or do you care? LOL) Your daughter looks so sweet...but professional!...in her portrait. We share your pride, Judy!! We wish her well! Where will she be working? My vet told us to give our thunder-phobic dog Benadryl. She weighed about 75# and we gave her 3 capsules ...so adjust accordingly. I feel so bad for them ...they just seem so miserable during a storm! The benadryl worked well for our doggie. Laura - sorry about the horse race, but I'm sure you had a wonderful time anyway! What a thrill! Kat - Hope you're doing well and improving every day! Looking forward to getting your update! Janie - Got Batteries? Suzie - You are such a sweetie. I wish you could be "aunt" to my kiddos... it takes a village, y'know. Jenn- Where are you?? Michelle - I know what you're feeling now...I really do....and its not easy! Be gentle with and love yourself! Big deep cleansing breaths....one day at a time, ok? It's all good. TracyinKS - You're quiet!? How's things with you? Did you read any of that Brat Camp stuff on DrPhil.com? You're a great mom and don't you forget it. Don't EVER doubt that about yourself, ok? Glad to hear Robbie is not needing a cast! That's excellent news!! Nighty-nite, all. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I need to forgive my father...or at least forgive him totally. I have made progress,but there are moments when I realize I have not yet done so. I wish I could forgive him the way I have forgiven others and myself. I have found that forgiveness is most definitely something I do for myself to free myself from the bondage of bitterness that sometimes grips me...and it IS bondage....of the spirit. As I get older I am proud of what the practice of forgiveness has given me and am grateful for the message as it was delivered. Some people hold on to their bitterness like an old friend and find that it ultimately becomes their only friend. I never want my life to end like that.

I gotta run right now, but I'll be back to post more..... I just thought it would be cool to start a thread on "Forgiveness". Maybe we'll all be better for it. Who is it that you need to forgive? Have you made any progress? Need some help getting there?

Suzie - I can honestly say that I don't harbor any bitterness towards anyone. A few years ago I learned to forgive an abusive xbf and it was liberating. I do sometimes have a hard time forgiving my father, who died when I was 8, because he was very cruel to my wonderful mother. He spent more time in a bar than with us at home and because of all those circumstances I didn't have much time with him. I'm still pretty pissed about that, but deep down I do forgive him for being human. As I always say, we do the best we can with the tools we have. Yes, I have noticed on numerous occasions that ice cream DOES go better with chocolate!! Wow. How weird is that?!

YES!! We need a countdown of some sort!! Get it going! :thumbup: We also say "chilrens"....as in "All My Chilrens" LOL Love it. Oh, and I meant to tell you that I ALWAYS laugh when I see the "I Hate Manuel" under your name.... cracks me UP!!! Suzie - I sure wish you'd send some rain this way!! The people behind us had their pool built in record time. I'm sooo jealous! It's hot as HELL here. Ya'll can just get used to that...I'll be saying it a LOT over the next several months. Haydee - Wanna shoot for Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday? Any one of those is good for me. I can't WAIT!!!!!!!! That makes me vewy, vewy happy!! Oh boy!! 3 things to look forward to now!! :thumbup::biggrin::thumbup: It's what gets me out of bed, girls. Love you all!! See you Sunday night!

I had that too. It turns out that it was a stitch poking thru! What I ended up doing was getting a new CLEAN shaver, soaked in alcohol, and I actually very carefully shaved it flush with my skin. It worked! But since you're going to the doctor, I'm sure they'll take care of it for you. The fill is a piece o' cake.

I went thru that at one time too, Carrie. I'm sorry for the pain I know you are going through...but it'll be okay. I told myself that in a divorce one parent has to be unhappy (w/o the kids), so it might as well be me...and it is simply a consequence of divorce. $20 says he'll be back in a year or less. Eeyore...hope you're doing okay! You've got lots of support here!

Oh, and I'm not going to Gruene. I'm going to a teensy weensy little town called Hunt. It's outside of Kerrville, about 70 miles west of San Antonio. Beauteeeeful hill country!!

Ok, I'm going to pick a weekend... how about Labor Day? We'll figure something out. I'll look at my calendar when I get back to work on June 16th. I can't come during the summer...I have the kids (Evan's in school & working) and am taking a bunch o' vacation June & July. But by the fall I'll be ready for sho! :thumbup: Oh, yea!! I'm sooo happy now! C'mon Violets!! Let's go to Pam's house! We can all sleep in her closet!