RyanTheGirl

I am glad you all have enjoyed this as much as I did when I first read it!

Ok, I'm over weight, I'm fat- I know it, and anyone who can see me knows it as well. Those of you, my online support family if you will- understand the reasoning behind me wanting to get banded- and so, because of that- I thought I would share my non-health reasons... because honestly, I'm not sure if it's amusing, or if it's slightly psychotic! hahahaha!! -Being able to go places and being the one the guys hit on, not my friends. -Completely shocking everyone at my high school reunion in 2012 -Having a "fair shot" at actually meeting a man and having a relationship (yea, yea, if he was a decent guy he would see past the fat and see into the me on the inside.... I call BS! lol... And I will be the first to admit- I usually don't find overweight guys attractive- it just doesn't do it for me- so I can completely understand why I dont have guys knocking on my door all the time lol) -Not being the girl they are talking about when they say "the big girl" -Painting my own toenails- without getting stomach pains or having to hold my breath while I'm trying to paint them -Riding more rides with my daughter at the fair, and not being worried that my belly pushes out the safety bar too much that it isn't safe for her -Seeing my collar bones It's just the simple things. I know that I will DEFINITELY have some issues with not being able to see myself as thin- and even if I was able to see myself as thin, I will have to make sure I don't let it get to my head. Hell, I've been fat since I was like 5, so I want to enjoy being thin and having confidence- I just pray that I dont get cocky with it- because I've always hated when others were that way!!! As of now I've been telling basically everyone about my lap-band, they are MOSTLY supportive- but i've run into those who are not as well. After I actually have it done, I may be a little more picky as to who I tell. For now, I still have more of the pre-op process to get through...

Mine went very well also. I had to take a 165 question test- mostly True/False questions like: I often feel like a failure if I do not do everything I can to please others. I am always sad. I am answering questions on this test to make myself look better than it really is. Etc etc etc.... She (my shrink lol) then told me how obese people often are "people pleasers" and that once we become thin- some (if not most) of the passive attitude goes away, and those people become more assertive- so we talked about my childhood- how my dad was an ass when i was growing up because I was disappointing him by being fat- and she wanted me to realize the possibility of me cutting off ties with him once I became thin- pretty much just bringing up issues that I hadnt thought about. It was a positive experience- and I'm sure yours will be as well!

paint my toe nails myself hahahah!!! Hopefully I will be banded in January- and then my high school reunion is going to be in June 2012- so going to that 100pounds lighter- cant even imagine looks on everyone's faces!

Have you already been approved for surgery? Are there local support groups? Is there an informational meeting close? If I were in your shoes, this is what *I* would do.... I would tell my dad that this is something that I seriously have been thinking about, and have honestly already taken the steps towards making it happen. I value your opinion (my dad's) and I understand your fears/concerns... the fact is, it is my decision, and because I respect you, and value you-- this is something I want your support in. I understand that you believe it should be as easy as "eating right and working out"- but that just simply does not work for me- by itself.... me getting a lap-band is just a tool for me. It is the blue prints or the hammer towards remodeling my "house" if you will... I could have every piece of wood needed to build a house- but without tools, it would just fall apart. I can diet and work out all my heart desires, but for some reason, it always falls apart... Because I want your support and value your opinion, I would love for you to come with me to an informational meeting- so that any questions you may have can be answered by a professional- by someone who has years and years of experience and does this every day. I want you to come with me to a support group so that you may see and understand the changes it has already had in other peoples lives, and so hopefully you can help encourage me to make that same positive and HEALTHY change in my life. This is something that I want to do for me, and for my family- so that I can become a HEALTHIER me, and enjoy what is left of the rest of my life, being the person who has been living inside this "fat body" all these years.... I struggled with this and was pained at the thought of hurting you, but was still hesitant about telling you. I feel either way you are going to feel like I am doing something to hurt you- and I would like every opportunity to help you understand the decision I am making, even if it is for selfish reasons- because I want your support. I know you will love me either way, but I would also like for you to support me. Please take the time and think about it, and let's go through this journey together. Now- like I said- not knowing 100% of your situation- that is what I would say if it were me and my father. Best of luck to you, and remember-- you are the only person you have to answer to. You have to look at yourself in the mirror- and though you should LOVE yourself whether you are obese or thin, you need to be healthy.

My consult/first visit was great!! Did the formalities first with the nurse- height/weight/vital signs/current medications, etc... Then met with my surgeon- he and i looked over my paperwork (that was given to me at the informational meeting) and we talked about past diets, my goals, and he was very supportive- told me that I was making the decision he would between all the available WLS-- that I definitely didn't need to have a bypass or sleeve.... gave me my "to-do list" and then informed me that my specific insurance required a 6 month diet and exercise program that was physican suppervised first-- BUT that my insurance was changing that (no longer requiring it) as of January- so he made some phone calls/sent some emails and get it waived for me.... I was SO nervous- expecting to be judged and all that- but I obviously had no reason for it. It all went great!

Well, my pre-op diet is pretty similar.... except added was also low-sodium broth (which, as i remember from years ago, is one of the only things that actually made me feel "full" when i had my tonsils removed and was on clear liquids....) and I am also in the medical field....

A testimonial from the website of the hospital I will be banded..... insipires me whenever I feel like I need a pick-me-up... just wanted to share. I have found that there are certain "stones" that you must claim as your own and use with almost religious zeal to keep the tool of bariatric surgery sharp and effective. I think every person who has this surgery builds their own cairn out of the stones that they discover work best to encourage them. So here are a few of mine. Stone #1—Quiet Reflection This one takes different forms for different people—prayer and meditation, transcendental sauntering, yoga, sitting quietly, being. Take your pick, but this is an important discipline as it keeps the bariatric patient in touch with the one thing that our weight and former dependence on food distanced us from—our feelings. You must think about how you feel, stay aware of how you feel and set your compass each and every day to make all of the choices that keep you feeling good, feeling lean, and feeling in control. Stone #2—Meaningful Movement Do something. For me the compliance to this particular "stone" is profoundly personal and it took me almost four years to figure out that I would exercise far more consistently if I would work out early in the morning versus in the evening when I almost always had a conflict or flagging motivation. Committing to a time that no person or event could challenge and making it virtually impenetrable from interlopers made this one of the most significant assurances for me. If I start with this stone on the cairn—even if it is just a 45 minute energetic walk—everything else seems to fall in place. Put simply, if I even reluctantly walk over and pick up this stone (no matter how heavy) and carry it to my weight loss cairn each morning, I know that I will virtually run and, with little effort, pick up the rest of the stones that day and stack them on the monument of the day's success. Make this stone anything you like—for me it is walking, rowing, dancing, or maybe a touch of light weightlifting that I should actually do more often. Stone #3—Liturgical Vitamin Ceremonies My vitamin consumption has become an almost holy symbol of my intent to honor the body this surgery gave me. I bought a tea box (a wooden box with 12 square compartments) that sits next to my favorite chair. Every morning and night I open it up to behold the vitamin selection that assures my good health. There they all are—the multi vitamin, the Co-Q10, the calcium, the Colace (still needed from time to time). I take vitamins several times a day, and each time I take one, I whisper "I am good to me." Stone #4—The Security of Staples Always, always, always have the staples you need to stay the course for good health. This takes discipline and a list (laminated and always with you). For me, the staples are hard boiled eggs, fat free cottage cheese, Montreal steak spice, Lite Havarti cheese, apples, blueberries, fat-free yogurt, and Crystal Light. These must be in my reach at almost all times or I will most assuredly make the same bad choices that caused my weight gain. Make your own list and carry a small cooler in your car everyday if you must—and I have—so that you have no excuse. Never, never go home without knowing that you have the staples you need there. I do better without too much choice. An important related "stone" to this one was a hard one for me to acknowledge and eventually convince the rest of my family to join me in honoring. I cannot have any food in my house that is not desirable for a weight-loss patient to consume. Once that first year of no appetite passes and hunger makes its inevitable return, the same temptations you once knew will be back. Even though you will feel rotten if you succumb, it is just too tempting. I find the de-temptation of the home environment and replacing it with staples (symbols of on-going health) is critical for me. Any family member frustrated by this strategy can find plenty of excuses to sneak out of the house for a non-healthy treat. Stone #5—Surround Yourself with Stone Masons This has to do with the ongoing support we all need in life to achieve any of the goals we set before us, particularly the goal of good health after weight-loss surgery. For some, this may mean participating in support groups. I have had a mixed reaction to formal groups for bariatric patients. Prior to surgery, I found the groups to be absolutely inspiring with so many stories of success transformation. They were a remarkable source of hope during a time of despair. However, not long after my surgery, I found that most support groups were negative. The participants focused on what wasn't working, what they couldn't eat, or what they didn't like. Since I had been totally prepared for the changes that my surgery was intended to bring, I did not find what I wanted in a group. Look intentionally for a support group that absolutely encourages the excitement (and yes, reality) of a body that has been readjusted completely to bring about a transformation. Yes, our cups may now be literally half full, but our lives and futures are virtually overflowing. Surround yourself with people who see it that way and, do as I did, select your own personal support team. The people on that team are your stone masons who will help you set the stones you choose in place and secure them for life. Stone #6—Celebrate and Play At least once a quarter, take a day to do nothing but celebrate. Keep a list of the things that you always said that you would do when you lost the weight—take a hike, ride a horse, go to a concert, climb a mountain, go sit on the beach and watch a sunset, shop, etc. Write down everything you can imagine and, like a bucket list, do them one by one. Plan these important days, give them to yourself and review the stones in your weight-loss structure. If you can, take the day off on your surgery anniversary and honor your good health. Stone #7—Share the Joy Take some of the new energy of life that is most certainly one of the extraordinary benefits of weight-loss surgery and give it away to somebody who needs it. Do this in whatever way the world calls you to give something back. People carry "weight" in very many ways and I think we end up with an obligation once ours is gone, to help others carry their own or lose it as the case may be. Stone #8—Lighten Up and Face the Facts The reality of my numbers is as follows. The last time I weighed prior to surgery, I was a precious but substantial 327 pounds. I would lose a total of 167 pounds, 18 of which have found their way back. Of course, this predictable weight gain is a fact that strikes sheer terror in the heart of any person who has struggled with weight loss and knows how easy and devious the return of pounds can be. However, using the stone stacking method described here, I have discovered how to maintain my weight within about a two-pound fluctuation over the past year. Put simply, the balance of stones and habits for me that I have in place right now will accommodate maintenance. What I also know is that if I want to be as lean as I have been (which I very much would), I will have to exercise a bit more and trim some additional calories out of my diet to create that outcome. These are facts, not magic and not a failure of the surgery. Just a reminder that I will have to continue to use my stones in different ways everyday for the rest of my life to sharpen the tool of my surgery and create the monument to good health that I want my cairn to be .

One on the way? So, are you pregnant now?

I went to my psych appointment last week... and I have worked in the mental health unit of the hospital here where I live for a few years... I have often wondered if the way you are currently feeling will end up the way I will feel later- after I am banded and after I work to become the girl I "always wanted to be"-- As the therapist pointed out to me during my psych eval last week-- those of us who have been over weight, especially starting early in life, have turned ourselves into "people pleasers". Teaching ourselves to believe that we have to have an added "special something" to make people feel the same about us as they feel about "normal sized" people- that we aren't good enough unless we are constantly pleasing others... She then talked with me about my issues with certain people in my life (example- my father, who was constantly verbally abusive because of my weight when i was younger) and told me that once I start becoming thin, my passive-agressive side will fade away, and I will be come more assertive and become less likely to worry about pleasing others. Asked me if I was prepared to cut all ties with my father because the fact is he was there constantly putting me down, making me feel unloved-- and when I become thin, I will probably treat him as if he is the one who is not good enough for me... So yes, I am scared-- scared of dealing with those emotions. But I honestly believe that facing those demons are a part of healing-- emotionally and physically. You are a stronger person than you give yourself credit for. You must allow yourself to fall down-- and when you do, remind yourself that you are strong enough to pick yourself back up!!!

I originally sat down to write this post with positive attitude, with so much to say.... And now I sit here amazed at how quick my mood could be changed with just one simple comment-- from someone who I do actually like and think of as a friend. "Just go get yourself a gym membership and work it off"-- was the comment I got from my friend when they saw that I was logging into this website... How often do people say this to us? (Us being the "over weight" of the world...) And let me clearify- I'm not just "Overweight"- I AM OBESE! I am fat, and I know it. To deny it would be stupid- why would I try to deny what the naked eye can see?? If I could lose the weight I NEED to lose by simply working out- don't they think I would have done that by now?! Don't they think I would save myself a ton of money, a ton of time, and just simply "get a gym membership and work it off"????? I just don't understand!!! The person who happened to make this comment is a nurse- a RN. Someone who is supposed to be medically trained. So, I guess I was wrong as assuming that those in the medical field would understand a little more than the uneducated. But- you know what they say about assuming!!! I should have known better I guess! I guess it's kind of like how extremly skinny people are always told "just eat something!" or "put some meat on your bones!" It's not always that easy. Of course, because I am on the opposite end of that (on the obese side) I would love to be one of those who are told to eat something or put meat on my bones, the grass is always greener, right?! But the truth is, it's not just that simple. Just going to the gym and working out isnt going to make us lose all the weight we need to lose, and just eating something wont make an unhealthy underweight person gain the weight they need. Not all of us get they pleasure of being able to have "healthy weight bodies"- not all of us get to shop in the regular sized departments, not all of us get to wake up with the energy and ability to have a "regular" day. Some of us have to shop in "plus sized" or even "Children's" departments-- some of us have to sit down and take breaks when others can walk the whole mile or play with their children-- some of us have to fight things like diabetes or heart disease (or other diseases) related to our weights... I'm sorry- just letting out steam... people just upset me with how simple minded they are, and the judgements they pass... I am not a lazy person. I am a 27 year old single mother who takes care of not only a 4 year old child- but also my grandmother. I work two jobs, and I go to school... I work out when I can, but honestly- no, I don't do it as often as I should- but when do I have time?! Quit judging me and learn to look at your own self... I don't talk about your situations, please don't talk about mine unless you are here to support me.

Keeping your scars COVERED and out of the sun is going to be the biggest help- and is best to do so ALWAYS, but at the minimum for the next 4-6 months...

I typed up a whole blog introducing myself and such, but I will give a much shorter version here! :smile2: I'm Ryan, I'm a 27 yo single mother, current (and heaviest weight) is 267, and in the process of getting banded (hopefully, if God allows!!) I am from Savannah, GA and will hopefully be banded in January. I have quit smoking in order to get banded, and have mulled over this decision for quite some time... luckily I work in a hospital (don't let that fool you, it's not like i get any special privilages or anything with the surgeons!) and have found a testimonial which finally gave me the last "umph" to believe in myself and know that I CAN and WILL be successful if/when I get banded... and I just wanted to share it with you... Mary Ann Bowman Beil On June 22, 2009, I celebrated the 5th anniversary of my bariatric surgery. For all of us who have had bariatric surgery, this anniversary date is one of the most celebratory days of our lives. It is a milestone accompanied by a sense of reflection and recommitment. I think that the bariatric patient’s surgery anniversary date should be dedicated to sharpening the tool we’ve been given. I will never forget when I first determined that I would have bariatric surgery. After the long deliberation that most of go through to reach that definitive moment, Dr. Angstadt and Dr. Whipple would constantly remind us all that the surgery was just a tool. No matter how often I have heard them both repeat this gentle admonition, I experienced the exquisite sharpness of the almost complete loss of appetite and hunger in the first year after surgery. This seduced me into the belief that my surgery had so perfectly sharpened my tool of resistance that perhaps it was a solution for me, not just a tool. This is one of the great blessings but myths of the life of the new bariatric patient. But it is a feeling that you want to claim, remember, and strive to recover. When you realize that it abates, you will have to sharpen both the tool and your skills to stay the course of exquisite good health and maintain the lifestyle success that the surgery has now let you glimpse. I have found that there are certain “stones” that you must claim as your own and use with almost religious zeal to keep the tool of bariatric surgery sharp and effective. I think every person who has this surgery builds their own cairn out of the stones that they discover work best to encourage them. So here are a few of mine. Stone #1—Quiet Reflection This one takes different forms for different people—prayer and meditation, transcendental sauntering, yoga, sitting quietly, being. Take your pick, but this is an important discipline as it keeps the bariatric patient in touch with the one thing that our weight and former dependence on food distanced us from—our feelings. You must think about how you feel, stay aware of how you feel and set your compass each and every day to make all of the choices that keep you feeling good, feeling lean, and feeling in control. Stone #2—Meaningful Movement Do something. For me the compliance to this particular “stone” is profoundly personal and it took me almost four years to figure out that I would exercise far more consistently if I would work out early in the morning versus in the evening when I almost always had a conflict or flagging motivation. Committing to a time that no person or event could challenge and making it virtually impenetrable from interlopers made this one of the most significant assurances for me. If I start with this stone on the cairn—even if it is just a 45 minute energetic walk—everything else seems to fall in place. Put simply, if I even reluctantly walk over and pick up this stone (no matter how heavy) and carry it to my weight loss cairn each morning, I know that I will virtually run and, with little effort, pick up the rest of the stones that day and stack them on the monument of the day’s success. Make this stone anything you like—for me it is walking, rowing, dancing, or maybe a touch of light weightlifting that I should actually do more often. Stone #3—Liturgical Vitamin Ceremonies My vitamin consumption has become an almost holy symbol of my intent to honor the body this surgery gave me. I bought a tea box (a wooden box with 12 square compartments) that sits next to my favorite chair. Every morning and night I open it up to behold the vitamin selection that assures my good health. There they all are—the multi vitamin, the Co-Q10, the Calcium, the Colace (still needed from time to time). I take Vitamins several times a day, and each time I take one, I whisper “I am good to me.” Stone #4—The Security of Staples Always, always, always have the staples you need to stay the course for good health. This takes discipline and a list (laminated and always with you). For me, the staples are hard boiled eggs, fat free cottage cheese, Montreal steak spice, Lite Havarti cheese, apples, blueberries, fat-free yogurt, and Crystal Light. These must be in my reach at almost all times or I will most assuredly make the same bad choices that caused my weight gain. Make your own list and carry a small cooler in your car everyday if you must—and I have—so that you have no excuse. Never, never go home without knowing that you have the staples you need there. I do better without too much choice. An important related “stone” to this one was a hard one for me to acknowledge and eventually convince the rest of my family to join me in honoring. I cannot have any food in my house that is not desirable for a weight-loss patient to consume. Once that first year of no appetite passes and hunger makes its inevitable return, the same temptations you once knew will be back. Even though you will feel rotten if you succumb, it is just too tempting. I find the de-temptation of the home environment and replacing it with staples (symbols of on-going health) is critical for me. Any family member frustrated by this strategy can find plenty of excuses to sneak out of the house for a non-healthy treat. Stone #5—Surround Yourself with Stone Masons This has to do with the ongoing support we all need in life to achieve any of the goals we set before us, particularly the goal of good health after weight-loss surgery. For some, this may mean participating in support groups. I have had a mixed reaction to formal groups for bariatric patients. Prior to surgery, I found the groups to be absolutely inspiring with so many stories of success transformation. They were a remarkable source of hope during a time of despair. However, not long after my surgery, I found that most support groups were negative. The participants focused on what wasn’t working, what they couldn’t eat, or what they didn’t like. Since I had been totally prepared for the changes that my surgery was intended to bring, I did not find what I wanted in a group. Look intentionally for a support group that absolutely encourages the excitement (and yes, reality) of a body that has been readjusted completely to bring about a transformation. Yes, our cups may now be literally half full, but our lives and futures are virtually overflowing. Surround yourself with people who see it that way and, do as I did, select your own personal support team. The people on that team are your stone masons who will help you set the stones you choose in place and secure them for life. Stone #6—Celebrate and Play At least once a quarter, take a day to do nothing but Celebrate. Keep a list of the things that you always said that you would do when you lost the weight—take a hike, ride a horse, go to a concert, climb a mountain, go sit on the beach and watch a sunset, shop, etc. Write down everything you can imagine and, like a bucket list, do them one by one. Plan these important days, give them to yourself and review the stones in your weight-loss structure. If you can, take the day off on your surgery anniversary and honor your good health. Stone #7—Share the Joy Take some of the new energy of life that is most certainly one of the extraordinary benefits of weight-loss surgery and give it away to somebody who needs it. Do this in whatever way the world calls you to give something back. People carry “weight” in very many ways and I think we end up with an obligation once ours is gone, to help others carry their own or lose it as the case may be. Stone #8—Lighten Up and Face the Facts The reality of my numbers is as follows. The last time I weighed prior to surgery, I was a precious but substantial 327 pounds. I would lose a total of 167 pounds, 18 of which have found their way back. Of course, this predictable weight gain is a fact that strikes sheer terror in the heart of any person who has struggled with weight loss and knows how easy and devious the return of pounds can be. However, using the stone stacking method described here, I have discovered how to maintain my weight within about a two-pound fluctuation over the past year. Put simply, the balance of stones and habits for me that I have in place right now will accommodate maintenance. What I also know is that if I want to be as lean as I have been (which I very much would), I will have to exercise a bit more and trim some additional calories out of my diet to create that outcome. These are facts, not magic and not a failure of the surgery. Just a reminder that I will have to continue to use my stones in different ways everyday for the rest of my life to sharpen the tool of my surgery and create the monument to good health that I want my cairn to be .

Well, first of all, I am NOT banded, YET!! This is my first blog, and though I doubt many people will ever read this, or even reply- this is my outlet.... this is yet just another TOOL to help my in my trip... Just in case anyone does read this, I shall introduce myself... I am Ryan, and I am a 27 year old single mother to an amazing 4 year old daughter. I am a college graduate, and from the Savannah,GA area. I've been over-weight since I was 5 years old. I, like many others, have tried almost every diet/exercise plan I could even imagine. I look at pictures of me at my daughter's age and I look just like her- tall, thin, and happy. Then I see pictures of me from a year later, and it's like looking at a completely different person. It makes me sad, but only because I know that that little girl went through to get to where she (I) is today... Being picked on, not only for having a "boy's name"- but also for being over weight... having to shop in PLUS sized women's clothing sections.... Wearing a women's size 16 since 5th grade... I could go on and on and on about everything I've gone through, the tears I've cried, the multipule times I've felt heartbreak, but this isn't meant to be a depressing blog- and I'm sure many MANY others have gone through the exact same... I am 27 years old, 5'9", and 267 pounds. I've been up to size 22, and down to 15/16s - back and forth for the last 10 years. When my daughter was born, (:wub:) I couldn't have been happier.... until 5 days later I couldn't breath, I had a horrible fever, could barely walk, my legs had become swollen, etc.. come to find out, I was having congestive heart failure.... at the age of 23?? Sure, I've done my research and know that this could have happened to even skinny people... Fast-forward to today... I've been looking into the lapband for a few years.. But just never thought it was a possiblity for me. I read and read and read, talked to many people, and still- wasn't sure it was for me. I wasn't sure I could make the change... etc. Wasn't sure I could afford it or that my insurance would even help... Well, I went to the informational meeting, went to the assesment appointment, got cleared by my cardiologist, and am scheduled for my psych eval... I was told my out of pocket expenses were going to be around $800+ (not including the actual surgery and all)... $150 for assesment, $350 for psych eval, $30 for nutrition education, and $275 for program fee... Sure, compared to those who are self-pay, this is nothing... but I'm a single mother who already has to work 2 jobs to try and provide for my daughter.... how was I supposed to come up with that much money?! :eek::crying: I believe in signs, I believe in fate, and I believe in God. Well, my insurance paid for my assesment, and just found out that they will also pay or my psych assesment!!!!!! :thumbup::smile2: Everything seems to be falling into place- as if it's all signs pointing to going ahead with the lapband.... December 1 is my Psych evaluation and my nutrition education class... I can't wait!!! May God continue to bless me through this path in my life that he has so graciously given to me, and also reminded me that he may take from me at any moment. May God continue to be by my side as I try to make sure I can be at my daughter's side as she continues through her life, and hopefully I may do so as a healthier me...

I am pre-op, but I am certainly excited to buy clothes because THEY are too big, and for once I'm not the one that's too big!!!!

Hey there.. I am a nurse in a dermatology office- mederma is not something we recomment to anyone for scars. Sure, for some it may work.... I am in the pre-op process of getting a lapband, and will hopefully be banded in January... I personally will be buying some Neocutis Restorative Cream to put on my scars post-op.... before you research it i will warn you that it is EXPENSIVE- like $100 or so... to me, it is worth it. The doctor I work for even puts that on her children when they have fallen and gotten big cuts and such- they have NO scars... That's all I have to recommend, but i hope whatever you use works for you!