Leaving the doctor's office and crying.

Today is 4 months to the day since I was banded, and the day that I went for my four month weigh in.

And here's something strange; recently, I've been having these feelings of "sadness" every month. I couldn't figure out what was going on' everything would be going great, and then "wham;" a dark cloud. Finally, I figured it out, and here's how the madness would begin.

I only weigh once a month... (I HIGHLY recommend it, btw.) Anyway, when it would get down to a couple of days before my "weigh day" the sadness would start, and this never happened until I they found my "sweet spot." So, here's the deal; when I walk around and feel "full," I automatically think that I've been binging. Then I think about how I've gone back to my old ways, and I can't believe I did that, and God only knows how much weight I'll gain when I go to the doctor's office. See, I'm not used to feeling full without overeating, and that's what was bringing me down. I've had to keep a food journal, so that I can look back and prove to myself that I haven't overeaten. Then, when I think, "Crap! I've messed this up," I can look back and go, "Oh, okay; I've only eat 1200 calories a day, so I'm good."

Fast forward to today, and even though I know better, I have been stressing like crazy about weighing. I get on the scale, and of course I know what I need to weigh. I shoot for 2 lbs a week, so I know I need to weigh 225. The readout on the scale was 223! And I think, "How can that be? How can that possibly be? I'm not starving. I'm not constantly obsessing about food. I'm not angry or cranky, so how can it be that I've lost 48 pounds?

So, I hop off the scale, grab the nurse and give her a big hug, then head out the door. As I get to my car I start to cry. I just can't believe how great my life is and how much everything has changed.

You are an awesome person...thank you so much for being so honest...it helps all of us!! I always think of you as lady in red! You rock, you roll, and you are kicking ass and not bothering to take names!! You are really an example to all of us who have to walk the walk and wade thru the abyss of associated emotions...keep doing what you do, girl!!! Cali

Wow, you are doing simply AMAZING! Keep up the great work.

What a great feeling that must be! Keep it up - happy tears are good tears!

I'm glad to know that my posts are helpful. I know that it can be really difficult at times, but I just try to stay positive and let others know that it can be accomplished.

Best of luck to everyone!

The thing is, I think we all know the feeling (beautifully expressed in your poem) that there are naturally skinny people and we kind of hate them and Hell, they may hate us...but for those of us who are barely getting started (getting banded in13 days!) we are afraid that there might be a huge group of successful banders who lost all their weight magically and effortlessly so we know that wont be us! And, once again we might be excluded from the skinny group! So when people like you are painfully honest about the whole thing It gives us hope that we can succeed! Keep writing! Cali

reading these posts is great....(i'm only 4 days post op)