Waiting

I am 5 months into the 6 month wait. It has been especially tough maintaining this weight and not telling most of my friends and family why I am so heavy and doing nothing about it. These months have forced me to just accept myself, more than ever. I don't know if I've been so sucessful at that. More than anything I just try to ignore how large and gross I feel. I have new stretch marks, something I haven't seen since I was 12 years old. They remind me of the permanence of being this heavy. I'm so anxious to get the weight off. Yet at the same time I go through times where I feel so much apprehension about the surgery. Will I get sick of all the caution around what to eat, chewiing enough, etc.? I am trying to be patient and keep up my self-esteem and body image. I know the weight loss isn't a cure all...but I do think it will feel fantastic!