Unlearning everything I know.

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i also wonder about who i will be after this. I have spent the past twenty years being a "big sexy" girl. i met a man who adores me as just that. i try every day to get past this and hope that he will love me when i am just "sexy" without that other word. i hate to admit it but there were times when i would get motivated, diet, workout and lose weight then he would sabotage me & tell me how beautiful i was as i am so i would stop and continue to jeapordize my health & life because HE loved it! i have stated MANY times that he is unsupportive of my decision & i know not whether he will be around when my transformation is complete. i suppose i need to make a MENTAL transformation first. at any rate, whatever happens, BOTH you & i will still be the same people---with better health & flatter bellies! good luck to you!

I hadn't really thought about this. But it does seem like a big deal. Will my personality change when I am thinner? Maybe it will just be amplified - like with less inhibitions? I have tried not to let my weight hold me back from doing things like camping and the swimming pool. But in the end, it does make a difference. I can't wait to see how/if I change after. Don't know if the world can handle me being any wilder - HAHA!

i had not even thought about these thoughts, i just was thinking about how i would look that would be different. but maybe, the way i behave in a pair of my jeans (that make me look thinner) will be the way i behave-by that i mean more confident with myself, and not afraid of all the judging that goes along with beign fat.

will have to think about this personality possible changes, because that is a bit scary!!

I sure hope I can be with you guys and be more confident. I'm such a wallflower now, and I've lost a large amount of weight before (~100lbs) and I turtled even moreso than I do as the big girl (even with that weight loss, I was still a size 16.)

So given how I reacted to the attention I received then, I'm somewhat trepidacious. I was thinking that I should have more than enough time to really deal with it psychologically, but I haven't even had the surgery yet and I've already lost over 40lbs (which I am ecstatic about, don't get me wrong!)

Maybe I should start another blog entry.. This is going to be the longest comment ever.. hah