How I got here.

As I write this, I realize that I am fat. I am fat because I am LAZY and I love food. I have lost track of who I thought I was. I see a picture and think "THAT is NOT me!" So here I am 1 week out from having a lapband put in. I want to get back to who I was. I love life and all the adrenaline rushes that I can get from it. I must confess to myself that I have been losing weight but not how the Dr. told me to. He said liquids only and I did try but I gained 3-4 lbs so I went back to the salads and fish. But now I am scared that he won't do the surgery bc I havent' shrunk my liver. I have been on liquids but have cheated with an egg salad samie. I seem to always try to do it my way...I have failed over and over doing it my way. Why do I always want to see if I can win by cheating? It that a personality flaw? I am going to be faithful for the rest of the week. I really do want to win.