Death by Shrimp

Last night was my mother-in-law's 60th birthday party, which they had at a local steak house. As I am just starting my fourth week (soft foods) so I knew steak was out. The restaurant's menu was really limited -- although in their defense, it IS a steak house. Pretty much my options were steak, steak, and more steak. They had no soup (my primary choice when eating out right now) and no mashed potatoes (my backup plan). Near the bottom of the menu I found their very small seafood selection; shrimp, or salmon. I remember reading or hearing that shrimp qualifies as a soft food, so that's what I ordered.

After choosing the shrimp, the waitress wanted to know what side items I wanted. The shrimp came with rice (which I couldn't eat) and I had my choice of a baked potato (can't have), french fries (can't have), or green beans (maybe). I picked green beans. Then the waitress wanted to know what kind of salad I wanted. Finally, I levelled with her. "Look, I can only eat soft foods or liquids right now. Do you have mashed potatoes, or soup maybe?" No, of course not. And what options did she give me? I could sub the rice for green beans, and the salad for more green beans. I couldn't imagine eating three servings of green beans so I told her I would just pass on the salad.

Eventually dinner came and I got my shrimp, green beans, rice and toast. The rice was easy enough to avoid and I gave the toast away to my son. That left me with the shrimp and the green beans.

I popped the first shrimp into my mouth and -- WOW -- it was terrific! I barely chewed the first one and popped a second one into my mouth. Then I had a few bites of green beans. And then I felt it; the green beans weren't going down. They were sitting there in my throat.

Oh, SHIT. My first meal in public, and I was going to puke. I got up with a panicked look and quickly walked outside. Walking helped, apparently. When I got outside, I felt the shrimp slide down, followed by the green beans. Thank goodness! I really wasn't looking forward to puking in the restaurant's parking lot.

I returned to the table and everyone was concerned. I told them everything was fine, something just didn't go down the right way. I can tell you what, I chewed the HELL out of the rest of that shrimp. I mean, I chewed them until they were little tiny shrimpy bits. I think I made four bites out of each one, and then chewed those tiny bites to bits.

I've been able to put down lots and lots of liquid and pureed foods. I was under the impression that my band was not doing anything for me currently. Last night, I was proved wrong!

Oh my gosh, you are hilarious! I laugh everytime I read your posts!!

Keep them coming, and Good luck to you!