9-2-2007

OMG I am so glad to be home. New Jersey and New York were a great experience but I love the small little town I live in and my little house and all the land we have. I love the quiet. I like the drivers more. The biggest traffic we deal with here is the occational train. I am just so glad to be home. My friends wedding was beautiful and I was so lucky to get to be there for her. Of course I cried:cry~ It was a beautiful ceremony. And she is so happy.

Looking at the pics from her wedding were depressing. I guess that they will make good "befor" photos. The skirt and top I chose was brown and off white with a leafy pattern. I saw the photos and I looked like a damn tapestry. Big as one too. The other thing that was depressing was flying on the airplane. The last time I flew I weighed more than 50lbs less and my butt fit in the seats. This time it was tight. I couldn't get my seatbelt fastened. So I just pretended to have it on. I did okay until the last flight and somehow that damn flight attendent knew and brought me an extention belt. I was soooo embarassed. I also was a little irritated. Like how many times to you read in the news paper about a plane that crashed but luckily everyone was wearing their seatbelts? And as far as the reasoning that it could help keep me in the seat during turbulance doesn't fly either concidering how tightly my butt was wedged in those seats. I wasn't going anywhere. This is probably the first time I've felt truely ashamed and embarassed in public by my weight. I don't ever want to experience that harshness again.

I am waiting til the end of this week to call and check to see if my primary doc. has recieved all the test results to be forwarded to the surgeon. I just found out I'm laid off until Oct. 1st so it'd be great if it could happen by the end of the month but I doubt it with the pre-op weight loss, etc. Maybe I should call the surgeon and see if I can come weigh in this week and start the pre-op befor all the tests are in. I'll decide in the morning. I have been up for 17 hours and only had 4 hours of sleep last night.

I hope all of you are doing well on your journies. Goodnight:notagree

There are ways of pushing to make things go faster...I had an insurance change and after pleading with my doctors office several times they figured out a way to get me in before the change. The lap band has been the smartest decision I've made in a long time. I know that feeling of shame you spoke of and I totally know what you are talking about. I truely wish you the best of luck and lots of weight loss in you near future. Just keep on believing and it WILL happen!