Shaping a "NEW ME"

Several years ago I had my first stroke, it had left me completely numb on my right side. After months of PT my body began to respond. Unfortunately, the meds and lack of movement had caused me pack on the pounds. I am a little short, so even 5 pounds made me look like one the umpa (on the movie Charlies's Choc. factory)... I was given a lot of steroids and could not stop eating. My family was very kind, never wanted to upset me, so I would comfort myself with food. A food did I eat..I remember sitting here in my living watching the movie "intimation of life" and stuffing heated grazed donuts one after another, ( I think I had downed 6 or more), at the same time crying watching the movie.

Prior to my sleeve, I had gotten close to 275lbs, felt awful. I have three grand children and didn't have the energy to play with them. I really took a good look in the mirror and started crying my heart out, literally caused myself to have a panic attack. Self pity is dangerous. I started to stay in bed, no interest in anything..I was simply just here, non-existing.

On the morning of Sept. 9, 2014 I called my doctor and told her I needed help. I was having thoughts that was not ones of getting better, but ones of despair and fear of dying. At first we tried the main stream diet plans, to no avail. Next, she sent me to a therapist to try talk therapy, it worked for a while until she wanted to continue to dig deeper; so we ended that.

I had another mini stroke in Jan 2015, not as disabling as the first but enough damage to have to start all over again. But, it was a blessing. I had come to terms that the eating habits and my weight were my worse enemies So, at 279 pounds I went back to my doctor and told her, we have to do something..She agreed and I had my first visit with my surgeon.. I was told for the next couple of months I would have to do the diet to stink my liver and heed the strict diet plan he had given me. I knew was going to hard, but the life I had been living was not LIFE.

I had been having problems with my knees for awhile and one day, I had just fell, crushing my knee caps..so, the doctor decide to do surgery. A total knee replacement. I had the left knee replaced three years ago..IT is not a easy recovery. My surgery went well. I had to go back to theory again. Back on steroids, developed the pumpkin face and water retention. I was ready to throw in the towel..But, out the mouth of babes..my youngest grand babies, age 3 crawled on my lap and said, while rubbing my tummy says "meme, the you get the bad bumps on your tummy and legs you can get on the floor and play cars with me and we won't have to sit on the bed to play anymore..well, my goodness, it was all i could do to not cry..I made a promise to him and myself..I will become a better fit meme.

On Aug. 21, 2015 I had my sleeve done. To date (Nov. 29) I started at 252lbs, now at 218 (which I did gain two pounds, hoping water gain). I am going to only shakes today and tomorrow in hope that I loose those two pounds and more.

I appreciate all the support I have been receiving..I will keep anyone in prayer for success and will post as I go through the next stage of living...,