Countdown...

4 days left until a new chapter in my life beings. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed; there seems to be more to do now then Monday. I am working so hard to finish everything and show other how I do my job and make sure the house is in order. There is always something popping up....an "Oh! I need to do this or that or blah blah blah," I am thinking that it is not going to end though. It is more me not being able to let go then there are things to do.

The whole time I have been planning this, I have not said seriously "this is my last so-and-so." or "This is the last time I will have this food or that.". I know that one day I will be able to eat many things I do now, but in much more moderation. There is no "last time" for anything. This has not been an issue to me until today. All I can think about is that I will not have x or y for a very very long time...or ever. All of a sudden I am panicked about it; stressed over never having a Mocha with an extra shot from the coffee place down the street.

I find I am freaking out about the whole thing actually. Tomorrow UVA will call with the time of my surgery. Am I really doing this? Is this really happening? I need to make my menu for next week like I do every Thursday night and I am really anxious about it. Tomorrow I write my grocery list, how will that go? Oh, no food for Jill. All these things are going through my head. Have not slept well this week; too many things rolling around in my brain. Anesthesia will stop all of that!

I know I am ready and want this. I am assuming that these are all things that every person deals with in this situation. I am normal, right?