Breaking Up...

...With the Band!

If I had to write a letter to my soon to be "ex" I'd have to say,"Baby, it's been a long and expensive three years and while the 34 pounds I lost since the day we got together is progress to a better, healthier me, the price has been a bit steep.

Each of those pounds cost about $2200 - thank God for insurance or you'd have bankrupted me!

The vomiting, the socially inappropriate talking stomach yelling, "Nnnow...ow.ow..." in meetings, the hair loss and breaking nails, the three bites and bolt for the bathroom aerobics, making sure not to bend over least lunch leap out of my mouth, the double band aka my bra, the conveniently locate port-o-pain just so situated so as to be like the toe you just keep stubbing...on the door to the dryer, the edge of the cart at the grocery store and don't even mention how it appears to be a magnet for the small child or pet climbing into your lap.

Ah yes - thanks for the memories, but I've got to end this relationship as it's cramping what little style I have left!

Lunch interview for a job - forget it! Ditto for lunch with the girls or a family dinner. What with everyone watching to see if my trip to the bathroon is to pee or to puke?! It's become the only thing some family members talk about. How can Jill still be so big - she doesn't eat anything!

I will give you this - you have definitely changed my relationship with food. Having puked up so many different foods, there are things that just the smell of now makes me nauseous. Last night's two bites of tuna noodle casserole crossed another off the lengthy list.

Sure - I'm afraid I'm going to pack it all back on, but perhaps the memory of this bad relationship will help keep me focused.

I got the big song & dance from your pal, the weight loss surgeon, who told me how great you were and all you could do for me. Now even he's telling me you're bad news. Of course that's not stopping him from trying to hook me up with either of his other friends - Mr. Roux-N-Y or Mr. G. Sleeve.

For now though, I think I'm going to hanging with a plain jane kind of pal - Ms. W. Watchers and see how things go!