Not quite on schedule.

So, I'm about 7 pounds away from having lost 100 pounds. ONE HUNDRED. That sounds so crazy to me. I'm completely thrilled...But my surgeon doesn't seem to be. He said that I was about 15 pounds behind schedule, and that I must not be keeping up with my plan. (Keep in mind that he also just took my gallbladder out last month) That is not the case at all. I do everything I am told to do to the best of my ability. I may not get every gram of protein in every day, but I do everything I can to keep my calories low and my protein high. I exercise 3 times a week with a trainer at my University's student center. What on earth can he possibly think I can do on top of all that and a full time school load??!

I will admit that I had a come apart in his office in front of two residents who were shadowing him. I bawled and bawled. I know he meant to encourage me, but I honestly felt attacked. I've had serious trauma in the past with regards to being bullied over my size. That appointment put me in a very very dark place. I haven't self harmed since high school, but it took a frenzied call to my accountability partner to get me out of that mind frame. On one hand I feel like I've accomplished sooo much. On the other, I don't feel like I can ever hope to measure up to the expectations. I feel like a failure, and I feel like the sleeve will quit working for me.

For now I plan to do my best to stay positive and to stay on track. I am trying to remember that this journey has been for me, and me only. I can't be bothered if I don't exactly match up with his computer model. I will use the anxiety and the hurt to fuel my workouts, not my demons. I will make it to 100 pounds lost this week and buy a new dress. I will not let one quarter on the track derail me. I am stronger than that.

Miss Piggy always brings a smile to my face, so here is one of my favorite pieces of fan art, with excellent advice from M.P. "Never eat more than you can lift".