13 Weeks & My Return To Oa

i hit the 50 pound post-surgery milestone this AM... totally stoked!!! 50 lbs in 13 weeks... averages 3.8 lb loss per week but in reality it came off very quickly in the beginning and i've hit the more gradual 2 lb/week loss pattern for the past month. (exactly 10 pounds in the last 5 weeks) and even then that isn't the whole picture because i will still have a week where the scale WILL NOT BUDGE but then all of a sudden.. BOOM! 3.5 lbs disappear! so... from this i gather my body has it's own rhythm it's falling into... shedding weight and holding on to it according to little secret hormones and weird balancing acts and such... it gets reeeeeally frustrating at times but then i remember how my body has it's own way of doing things and take it easy on myself knowing that a big loss is right around the corner. sometimes i do get a little freaked out... old ways of thinking come back... telling me that i had all the weight loss i was ever gonna get... the surgery did all that it could and i'm on my own now... pretty weird thoughts i know... my mind has a lot of catching up to do...

i had my first "skinny" dream just the other night...

before surgery, after my first child was born i had a great deal of success (aka physical recovery) with OA (overeaters anonymous) and it was there that i was introduced to the idea that a person can be addicted to sugar. i can see my food addiction narrowing in on either booze or sugar and frankly, both prospects scare the **** out of me... i read all about transferring addictions when i was prepping for surgery... Kaiser does a fantastic job of giving you the straight dope about post-surgery obstacles and transferring addictions is a biggie. so... it's time for OA again... i am scared. and i'm not sure why. on the surface it's a time commitment that is gonna be hard to squeeze in right now... but since i'm being so honest, i'm really just scared that i will be judged for having my sleeve surgery. my ex-sponsor was very openly anti-weight loss surgery. it was kind of a big "no-no" in my local OA community, supposedly it was a Higher Power thing, like a person who decided to have the surgery was taking their will out of HP's hands and doing it all themselves... i don't want to be judged for my surgery. period. and in my heart, i believe that my Higher Power put everything in place to help save me from killing myself with food so that i can now focus on getting and staying sober from deadly foods and behaviors...

any OA sleevers out there???

i'd really love to hear from you...

thanks for reading!

xo

bellalizza