Battle With The Blues

So, for those of you that don't know....I have Bipolar and struggle with Depression. And as you know after surgery we will undoubtedly hit a point in our journey where our hormones go wacky and we'll battle with depression and grief (from lack of our fav foods) and many more emotions. well for those of us that have depression, etc. issues to begin with...this is made much worse. I've been battling the blues all weekend and there's no end in sight. I'm withdrawing from friends and family and VST and my facebook peeps. I'm even withdrawing slightly from my boyfriend.....EEEK! All I want to do is lay around on the couch and watch TV (olympics!). It's so hot here that I can't go walking like i'm supposed to. and they told me not to use my gazelle. so what the hell am I suppose to do? I live in a tiny apartment, so i can't walk around, too much stuff in the way to make it worth while. yeah, someone suggest going to the mall.....but i'd want to spend $ and I don't have any to spare. I haven't been released to go swimming either or i'd get a gym membership and go swimming....the one near me is only $10/month. I'm not losing weight as fast as most of you because of my lack of excersize. to make it all worse there is TONS of candy around the office and i'm trying hard to avoid it all. but when people as you OVER and OVER and OVER again if you want a piece, or if I want some cake, or if i want a cookie, or if I can't have.......fill in the blanks. it makes it very hard to keep positive about your choice to have this surgery. don't get me wrong, I would do it again in a heart beat....it's saving my life. I just wish they had prepared me better for what to expect afterwards.

not sure why i'm saying all this. not even sure if people will read it or if it will help anyone. i'm rambling and complaining and i'm sorry. I'll cya again when i'm in a better frame of mind.