Self Consciousness

So hubby wants to go out to dinner tonite with friends from work. It REALLY bothers me. I haven't met anyone he works with yet - we just moved here and I'm really not comfortable in my own skin around people in the condition I'm in. I have never in my life been uncomfortable around people. I have no idea how to deal with this. I mean, I don't want to be the fat girl at the table. I don't want them to go back to work and say "woah - have you met her? She's really FAT!". I know I should have some faith in people but even some of my husband's friends have made comments about me and about how they thought my husband should leave me because I was ill and then getting fat. No, he doesn't hang out with these people anymore. I'm just tired of explaining to people - not that I owe them anything, but I feel the need to. I mean, I avoided one of my dear friends for 4 years because the last time he saw me I was rockin' a bathing suit on a canoe trip and a year later, I'm twice the size I was. I couldn't face him - I think mostly because I don't understand how this really happened. They told me I would be in treatment for 6 months. Well, here it is 4 and a half years later and those treatments have given me steroid-secreting tumors that have caused so many problems. I have come to terms with what happened - I get that I have to be the one to fix it - and that's what I'm doing. I'm just trying to get a new start without the judging of other people who have NO IDEA where I've been and what I have gone through and still continue to go through.

But I'm going to dinner. I have to continue to have some faith in people. Here's my first chance.