Entry Day #89

Okay. I am really really shocked that I am freaking out about tomorrow. I ended up having to pay cash (2nd time as cash paying client) and waiting 2 months for my employer and my doctor to get back from vacation. I am very shocked and surprised that I am freaking out. I am not a freak out kind of person, but this has really caught me by surprise. I cannot have this laproscopically because my surgeon fears too much scar tissue with the lap band I have now, and he want to get in and get out and fast. I will have an open incision, and a longer recup time. Not so good.:scared0: I wanted this surgery more than anything I can think of, yet, I have a tremendous fear of something going wrong and I die. Not ready to go yet, but it could happen. I cannot even imagine trying to sleep tonight.:crying: