12/24/06

I posted the following in my favorite thread but felt I needed to post it in my journal for a reference:

Last night I went to exchange gift at some of my family's house. It was informal and nice. My aunt served dinner..just snack type foods but there was so much delicious looking stuff. Not the fancy things, more like chicken wings and cheesy appetizers, boatloads of baked goods. I just sipped tea because of my "sore throat" (the excuse I am using for not eating). It was tough and I was feeling a little bad for myself. We came home after a couple of hours and I was starved so I had some soup. I was relaying to my husband about feeling a little sad about not getting to eat all of that delicious smelling food. Things I would have devoured until I was stuffed pre-surgery. He just turned to me and said "it's just like drinking". he had given up drinking about 6 years ago. I kind of felt like a dope. Here is this guy who quit something that he enjoyed because he drove me crazy when he did it-he wasn't mean or belligerent. He functioned daily, but when he drank he got sloppy and annoying. He is so much funnier now that he stopped and no longer tells me the same stories over and over-hehe. I know it was a huge hurdle for him and he has been sober for 6 years. I guess it put things into a perspective for me. I too have to give up my addiction. I can still eat, but I can no longer just stuff myself with all the things in front of my face. He beat his addiction without the help of a tool like I have. I admire him for it even more.

When I woke up this morning, the longing for those foods was over. Yeah, I didn't get to eat all that stuff I saw last night and desperately wanted despite not being hungry-but so what. It is only food. It will be there whenI can eat and have a little bit...I don't want it to have power over me anymore.