Am I Seriously Going To Do This?

I just turned in my information packet to the weight-loss clinic and I am week 4 of my 6-month doctor supervised diet. I've lost a whopping 4 1/2 lbs. That's pretty typical of me! I have tried so many methods and programs in the past I could write a book. I've spent thousands of dollars. The few times I lost weight, it always came back, with a vengance! And those times were done by pretty drastic measures. One was taking Phen-Fen back when it was legal. Yeah, I lost the weight! 70 lbs!! I looked the best I ever looked in my life. A size 8 for probably 2-3 weeks! Ha! But that doctor told me first of all to only eat when I was hungry. Well, those pills worked so well on me that I barely ate enough to get by! I kept a journal and the first 2 weeks I lost 20 lbs. But I told the doctor I was so weak and it was summer and I knew I would not be able to teach in that condition. When he looked in my journal, I was only getting about 300 calories a day! I was starving myself! Stupid, I know but I actually thought I was following the doctor's instructions. But then he said eat more, but don't go over 800! So that's what I did. For weeks and weeks, and the weight just fell off! Looking back I really think that's the point where I really messed up my metabolism because once that weight came back, and it did very easily even when I was eating what I thought was a moderate diet, I have struggled ever since. That was several years ago. And the weight just crept up and up. And my health just kept deteriorating. Bad knees, high cholesterol, hypertension, gastric reflux, plantar faciitis, blockage in my carotid artery, and added high risk to getting breast cancer when I was already in the high risk category just due to genes. I'm a mess....and I haven't even mentioned my self esteem. Don't get me started. It's in the pits.

So I arrived at this point as a last resort. My daughter, age 37 had it done back in March of last year and she's lost about 50 although she's not keeping up with it and I'm afraid she's going to gain it all back. But if I do decide to go through with this, I will keep up with it and follow the rules. My mom died when she was just 59 from heart disease. I had a harder time turning 59 last year than any year before. I think it was because I was scared all year that the same would happen to me. And now I am just a little more than a month away from turning 60. I will have outlived my mom. And if I am fortunate and healthy enough to make it past 62 I will also have outlived my dad who also died from heart disease. I have 5 grandkids and I want to do it for them. I have a wonderful husband of 41 years and I want to do it for him. But most of all I want to do it for myself. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.......and fat!!!!

So I have two more months to go. The next step is for the doctors to review my paperwork and then go for my assessments and medical tests and go from there. I am not 100% sure yet. I would estimate I am about 90% convinced. The other 10% is fear of surgeries. I have had a lot over the past ten years. Two knee replacements, gall bladder, and prophylactic bilaterial mastectomy and reconstruction due to the 87% the doctors calculated my risk for getting breast cancer due to family history. So you see I've had a lot. No real complications, but there's always that fear in the back of your mind. I think if I didn't have the weight problem I could have eliminated two of those surgeries. Plus I wouldn't worry about the 50-69% blockage in my right carotid artery. Told you I was a mess!!

So this blog is my introduction to my final journey to health. Just hoping this story has a positive ending!

Debbie 11/18/11