Free cookie

I was on my way to the gym yesterday and the weather had turned unexpectedly cold and rainy. I didn't have a jacket on, was only wearing a dress with a thin sweater over it and I was FREEZING. I had a bit of time to kill before my class so I decided to make a quick stop at a local coffee shop to warm up. I ordered a tea and because I was starving...a cookie. I know....why am I eating cookies? But this was a very small shop, they had nothing else and I decided to have it. Anyway, the guy at the counter said that he could give me a broken one for free and I said "hey it's still a cookie, right"? So I paid for the tea and then sat down to warm up a bit. After a few minutes, I hear the guy at the counter say my name. I looked up a bit surprised and he told me that his sister shared the same name. i couldn't figure out how he knew my name in the first place and I think I looked pretty funny looking at him and then looking down at myself to figure out where he'd read it. It turned out that I still had my work badge on, it was peeking out from under the sweater and that he could see it. When I finally put two and two together, I laughed slightly and said "I couldn't figure out how you knew that". He smiled and said that he didn't mean to creep me out and I smiled back and said that he hadn't. I wasn't sure if he was flirting or not...maybe he was a little. Normally, this is where I would freeze up and immediately go back to my tea without engaging but I took a breath, and made myself stay in the moment. We talked for a few minutes about the name thing and then I went back to finishing my tea and he went back to preparing to close the shop. Ten minutes later, it was time for me to head out so I said....thanks for the tea and cookie...and he said, you're welcome...have a good night...Petunia, with a smile. I looked back and smiled, waved and left.

The whole thing made me realize how little experience I have with men being flirtatious. Intellectually, I know that men rarely talk to a woman without some idea of flirtation, I've learned that from my guy friends many, many times. And I know that when I was heavier, incidents like the one in the coffee shop almost never happend to me. So while he could have just been being friendly, it's more than likely that he was also being mildly flirtatious, but in a nice, chilled out, unscary way which is still fairly foreign to me. I can more easily believe that he was just being friendly because...why would anyone flirt with me? But I know that's self-defeating talk....there's no reason to believe that some portion of the male population won't find me attractive. And the longer I stay stuck in the idea that no one would be interested...the longer I'll stay single and lonely. So I'm proud of myself for not clamming up yesterday and for remaining open to the interaction. It didn't have to "go anywhere" but I think that if I stay open, then someday, it will "go somewhere" and I'll meet a nice guy. I'll forgive myself the cookie that brought that lesson with it