The big ABOUT entry

Hi... whoever is reading this

I'm starting a blog. Well you know that already now don't you.

I'm doing this to make myself more accountable for my actions. Also to provide insight on my random musings of the day. I have lots.

First I am Michele, second I work in an office- nothing spectacular, third I Victory Rolls, a burlesque dancer.

I've been dancing burlesque for about two years now. What a release. What an affirmation about your body and being sexy. What a juxtoposition between this journey and my view of myself and the public's view of me in return. I love it. It's a way to become something outside of yourself. While Michele may not think a bikini is a great idea, Victory Rolls will dance in a bra and shorts... I know

Enough of that third person- thats weird.

My heaviest weight was about five years ago at 298, it may have been 300 but at that time I refused to look. I did atkins with my best friend, I lost 60 pounds, thought that was amazing. Then slowly over the course of 5 years it crept back on. Up to 265 I started going to the gym, working out, low carbing, trying my best. Got to 215 and thought my god yes I am doing it again!

Then relapse.

Back up to 250 I decided on lap band. I have never NEVER been skinny, or even normal sized. From grade school all the way through college. During college I found groups and dances that celebrated the fuller figure. I was empowered. I thought no problem. This is acceptance, this is fabulous. Some people find the way I look sexy, but I didn't...

I still wasn't right in my life. (Its still a process) I felt like a fraud. I wanted so badly to be healthy and look in the mirror and like what I see.

So this journey began. 6 months of research and worry. Doctors appointments and what have you. It was time. Jan 12th and a major storm hits the north east. I would not be stopped. This was my destiny and we made it to the hospital.

Now, 3 1/2 months out I'm down to 213.8 today woo hoo! I keep teetering around this weight with no further reference for something smaller. Anything below 200 is my highschool weight, and I don't remember that at all. I'm moving forward though. I can REALLY do this. I don't need some point of reference beyond this... fashion has changed and I won't be pegging my pants and wearing skidz and zcavaricci come 180. (yes i did that. Thanks early 90's)

So this is the journey I figure. Beyond those numbers that have become all too familiar. A 2 in the front of my weight number has been normal so far, as well as numbers like 3,4,5,6 second. But no more!

This is my year (and yours too)