Still nervous

Talked to Carmen at work today. She had bypass and lost 110 lbs. Wow, that's alot. surprised she spoke to me about it though. I'm still nervous. Hate the anasthesia. Eric is making me crazy. Last night he said he will just drop me off. Not his problem I'm doing this he says. What a jerk when he drinks. Oh but what abut how great I'll look later on and how much mor energy I should have. I should be healthier too. I want to be able to have energy and play with Nicholas more God I hate being fat. I can't wait until this is over. But the liquid stage maked me nervous. Think of it as healing not weight loss at first they say. Mom and dad leaving for Florida on Friday morning. Stopped in by dad to say have a nice trip. Mom is working of course. Will call her before she goes. Also will keep in touch while they are away. Wish I could go with them!! Gonna clean the office now. Want everything clean before I go to hospital because I know I won't be able to do it later on.