The battle is on!!!!!

So Thursday did not go well at all! Hopefully Friday brings me a better day. My weight loss struggle has been forever, it feels like. I had a baby at 17 years old and that is when the battle started, 18 years ago. To think that I have been fighting a battle this long, no wonder I have no more energy. Yes I am 35 years old:ohmy:! Anyway, I have thought about weight loss surgery for a long time, but knew that I could never afford it. I have a once in a lifetime opportunity to have it done and my husbands insurance will pay for it, buuuuuut, he really HATES his job and may have found a new one. The new job does come with benefits, but we do not know what kind and if they will help pay for any of the surgery cost. To get this close and see the light at the end of the tunnel and then slowly watch it go dark is killing me inside. I love my husband to death and know how it feels to be at a job that you hate going to everyday:cursing:. I told him if he gets the job (he finds out Tuesday) then to go ahead and accept it, but now I feel that I am giving up on me:confused:. This really is a ackward, selfish feeling that sets at the bottom of your stomach. I am up at 4:00 am because I do not know what to do. I have always lived by the motto that there is a reason for everything and that GOD will take care of me, but when you have wanted something so bad in your life, and see it slowly taken away as each day passes it is heart wrenching. I mean this is up there with the lottery, everyone that has battled with a lot of weight to lose understands this, you pray that one day you find the help you need to succeed and I almost had it.

Now most of you are saying, well you don't even know if he has the job yet. Well he said the interview went really, really well :thumbup:, and that he was shown around and told to call back when the HR person got back from vacation, and come to find out he knows some people that work there already:scared2:. So I am about 90% sure he got the job . My husband will be very happy, but now I am going to be miserable, knowing that I had got this close, I mean I have already seen the dietician and was told that I could possibly go in for my LAP-BAND®® in August. It is so hard to sacrifice for the ones you love but then I ask myself, why can't he sacrifice himself for me, then the guilt sets in :crying:. This is one of those moments you wish you could have a crystal ball :thumbup:, I would get my answer and know if I am making the right decision. I would hate for him to not take the this oppotunity to make himself happy and come to find out they would have helped pay for my surgery too . Can you be mad and sad at the same time :crying::cursing:?