It's not what it looks like.

Okay, before you start wondering, "Why the hell is this chick bombarding us with an influx of blogs on this fine day? Pip pip, cheerio, what what." I'd just like you all to know there is a 7 to 8 hours difference in our time. What is your today was my yesterday and what is your tomorrow is my today, savvy? Um, you have to read it a few times before it actually starts making sense.

Today, as I was making my way to the kitchen to shut my banded stomach up, I happened to stumble across my step-father who strangely resembles Colenel Sanders. Random oddities aside, he cast one glance at my face and gave me what can only be described as a nod of acceptance. After arching an eyebrow at said nod, he proceeded to explain to me that my face looked somewhat thinner today. Not yesterday! Today. Because yesterday, my face was not thin enough for his liking. It managed to magically dissipate while I slumbered. After weeks of living on clear liquids, full liquids, and mushed foods ya have to chew until they become liquids, all I can say is, "Yes, step-papa. I, too, have eyes."

Has anyone noticed how people retract their statements when you lose a few? What I mean is, imagine a scenario where you are fat (I think it's safe to say that that won't be a feat too difficult to accomplish) and you have someone complimenting you on your fabulous and body-fitting-no-matter-what clothes. You end up feeling good about yourself, n'est pas? Get a lap-band, lose some weight, wear the same clothes and have people tell you that you that those clothes looked like shit on you before you decided you weren't going to live long enough to outweigh a sumo wrestler with a glandular problem.

What the hell? Just 3 weeks ago, these clothes were as fabulous as Edward Cullen in a ray of sunshine.

Yeah, well that was three weeks and six chins ago.

Get used to the new compliments, people. They're more abrasive than all the times you had people run past you and yell, "Quickly! To the