Someone mentioned anorexia?!?!?!?

Well I am in Denver for my next fill. I haven't had a fill since April and I have been having a little "last supper syndrom" since I am so open.

I know it isn't a good thing, but that is what has been happening. I am just reporting here. I really am ready to get back on the wagon. I have still be working out and so I have been maintaining. I am still within 4 lbs of my lowest. Kind of bouncing around. the same few numbers.

I have a 7 hour drive home from my doctor's appt so I have the "Beck Diet Solution" audio cd pack to listen to. It is a good series/book about learning to "think like a thin person."

I spoke my mom last night for about 2 hours last night on my way do Denver. It was very enlightning. She was telling me a story about a lady she works with that has lost TOO MUCH weight. You know I just surprised my family with my weight loss. I knew what she was getting at. I was complaining about people callingme skinny. I know it sound crazy, but it is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine. That is because I am NOT SKINNY! I may be skinny compared to how I used to look. That just tell me that I used to be really big compared to what I look like now. If I truely was skinny it wouldn't bother me.

Anyway back to my mom's conversation....I keep saying that I want to lose another 35 lbs to give me a healthy BMI. She was bothered by this so I asked her how much she thought I weighed. I am a size 12, and I jsut saw her 2 weeks ago. How much does she think I weigh? I told her that I weigh what I did when I graduated from high school and we all know I was overweight at that time. She didn't believe that I weigh the same as when I graduated.

She guessed my weight at 155#! No wonder she was worried when I said I wanted to lose another 35 lbs. I told her (and I don't tell many that aren't on this site) that I weigh 180#.

Hello!!!! 180! Yes I am happy that I have lost as much weight as I have lost, but it isn't like I weigh anything close to 155. I know when I graduated and weighed 180# I wore a size 16-18 jeans. I work out and really try to concentrate on my abs, but I told her I don't know how I weigh this much am as trim as I am. (I am only 5'4") but if more people think i weigh around 155 then no wonder they look at me like I am crazy. I don't get that. I think they are blind. I had someone ask me if I was going to become anorexic! OMG! People I weigh 180 pounds! Far from anorexic! It was only 20 lbs ago that I was over 200.

Anyway. Just putting things on paper to try to wrap my head around things. Is my brain screwed on wrong? I know I can't go just by the scale, but 180 is no where near where I want to be. Even 160 would make me "pee my pants" happy! I don't know if I'll ever get there. (This what my driver's license says!)

I can't wait to get my next fill today and see where this takes me.

You just 'carry your weight well' as I keep hearing LOL. I think it's good to keep talking about a 'healthy weight' like you have been. I keep focusing on getting into that 'normal BMI range' when I'm talking to the docs.

I do get why people fear their loved ones will lose too much. You know I'm always honest (or some would say blunt LOL) and I even get freaked out a little looking at SOME of the before/after's (from RNY surgery mainly). I'm hopeful that some of those emaciated sickly looking people will gain back just a few pounds. I've spent a little time on other sites where some of them are working hard to keep a few pounds more on...it's got it's own set of challenges and I feel for them. I think your family just needs to be reassured over and over until they get it that you're aiming for 'healthy' not 'skinny'.

Good luck with the fill...I'm sure it will jump start things for you again. You look AMAZING! -BG

Girl your story sound like mine. I am 179 and want to lose 30 more lbs. My mom is tell me I'm losing to much weight. People is telling me I'm losing to fast. Hello people I lost 50 lbs in 10 months!!! How is that losing to fast. Even my doctor says I need to lose a little faster because I really wasn't doing all that good since I came to a stand still and gained those 4 lbs. I understand how u feel. We need to get to our healthly BMI. That's our goal julieann and lets stick to it. If your doctor says u losing to much....then and only then u should reconsider your goal. That stuff pisses me off to. At first I'm too fat....looks like I'm pregnant.....now I'm losing to fast....bla, bla, bla, people just always have something to say no matter what. Sorry but I'm sort of in a sour mood and that blog hit home with me. I UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS COMPLETELY!!

:wub:

You amaze me Julie.Ann! More than 100 pounds in well under a year. I loved your blog about surprising your family. How awesome was that!

Remember that muscle weighs more than fat, but takes up less space. You may be in better shape now than when you graduated from high school, which is why you wear smaller sizes at the same weight. I also read an article that said that clothing sizes have changed, and are larger now than they were 10 or 15 years ago. Depressing thought.

Hey, Sarahp626, I agee with you! Everyone has an opinion about what I should be - it gets old. I'm a lot older than you and Julie.Ann, and am worried about having all that loose, stretched out skin. So I am deliberately going for a slower loss. I'm right at 50 pounds off, and had the surgery on Nov. 24 - so that's 9 months, right? The bottom line: I'm not hungry, I don't feel deprived, I feel and look a helluva lot better and I'm not done yet!!!

Mary