Sabotoging myself

I have an appointment in two weeks. Still waiting on insurance to approve and it seems like I can't get enough to eat. I'm suppose to be losing weight prior to the surgery. I feel like I'm eating just so the Doctor will tell me she won't do the surgery. That way I won't have to make the final decision. Most the time I want to get the surgery but there are times I'm having second thoughts. My husband and two kids are very supportive and tell me to just do it, if that is what I want but I'm afraid to make that final decision. I'm really afraid of that vomitting stuff everyone talks about. I'm in the medical field and as everyone knows we all eat as fast as we can, because we get very little time to eat. If anyone has comments or suggestions I would love to hear them.:sad:

I'm confused on this website. How do I get the weight gauge at the bottom of your comments?