I am so overwhelmed w/ this that I can't think straight. Well let me tell you, my three year old son attends a home daycare and Friday I got a letter from his care provider telling me that she will no longer be able to keep my child because of his behavior. He fights w/ other kids and when she tries to put him in time out, he even hits her. What am I supposed to do? He does fight at home w/ his sister, but I didn't realize the problem was this big. I have enrolled him at the private school my girls attend and have spoken w/ his new teacher and expressed my concerns regarding his behavior. She said she would work w/ me. She is strict --my little girl had her last year and she is tough. I don't really know what to do?? I called his pediatrician and he recommended we take him to a child psychologist (sp?) I just called to make an appt and they don't take our insurance, so it is going to be $150 hr, that is alot. I went ahead and scheduled an appt, but don't know if that is the route I should go?? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I think that most of his behavioral problems are directly connected to how we treat him. When he was born he had some medical issues and later had to have some surgeries to remove some very large hemangiomas on his face, back and leg, so I guess what I'm trying to say that because he went through so much, we are overprotective of him -- lets put it this way, he gets his way most of the time, and I'm sorry to say that my husband is the one that does most of the letting it slide by, I am guilty of it too, but sometimes it so much easier to just say give it to him so he shuts up. It sounds horrible but I do it and my husband does it. We have created a little monster, I don't know what to do?? I am going to start being more consistant w/ my disciplining this has got to stop, I hate that my child is seen that way. You know the type, you say oh no here he comes!! We all know someone that has that type of child, well I have one. I would appreciate any advice you may have.

High IQ kids are wired differently and have a different perception of events. They are ornery, whiney, dont like tags on their clothes, dont like the way their shoes feel, take a long time in the morning to get ready, are forgetful, careless with their belongings and sometimes even appear lazy. They are ultra sensitive, cry a lot, get angry a lot faster and are usually very immature, thus lashing out at folks due to immaturity. The problem is that really smart kids have a chronological age which has not caught up with their scholastic age. Clearly your son is bored and admittedly some of your parenting skills are less than perfect, but whose is? I learned the hard way and I am still learning everyday.

Babs in TX

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This hit the spot, what you are describing is my kid. He hates tags in his clothes, he won't wear but a certain pair of sandals he says that he doesn't like the other shoes, I've tried different types of sandals and other types of tennis shoes and he doesn't feel comfortable in any of them. He is very sensitive and cries a lot, actually the paragraph above describes him perfectly. Okay now that I can identify him w/ this type of behavior what would you recommend I do, do you think putting him in the k3 program will give hime more to do therefore less time to act out and become bored? What also baffles me about him is his ear for music, this kid can hear the tune to a song and he will be bee bopping singing to this music until he has it down pat. One time a person commented to me that she believes he is musically gifted because of the way he hears it and interprets it? Could this be? and if so? where do you turn to for help?? We live in a small town who should I approach w/ these concerns, any ideas??

Hi Estela,

I would certainly give him more advanced stimulation. If you can get him in K-3 and maybe a music program of some kind, I would definitely do this.

But you still need to focus on the aggressive behavior. I found that the biggest problem I faced with my son is that people did not see the brilliance because the behaviors overshadowed everything else. Public school is the worst environment for an emotionally immature, aggressive yet gifted kid. Public school wants compliant, average or slightly above average kids and thats what they cater to. You may want to do some research on what they call "dual exceptionality". This is a gifted child who has a learning disability like attention problems, hyperactivity, aggressive behavior etc.. There are lots of articles on the internet about this. You should also have your child tested. A standard IQ test like the Weschler or Stanford Binet administered by a Phd psychologist along with a psych evaluation will help you to determine whether he is truly gifted or not and if he has any other issues you need to address regarding emotional and psychological growth. Many parents think their children are gifted, but there is a big difference between what they call globally gifted which is a high IQ in the 98th percentile or better and being gifted in just one are like music or art for example. My insurance company paid for this as well as a trip to a child psychiatrist to evaluate him. Actually, the several visits we had with the psychiatrist really made me feel better because he assured me that my son would grow out of most of the behaviors and it helped us to tailor an autonomous learning model in a private school which really worked for him.

The most important thing you can do for your son is to help him understand that there are better ways to channel anger. Some of the techniques we used was letting my son wear a rubber band around his wrist. If he got angry, he would tug on the rubberband and snap it on his own skin. We wouild also acknowledge his anger and ask him lots of question and his feelings. Your son has to realize that there are consequences for his actions. He will have to understand that private school and music lesson are rewards for good behavior. There have to be consequences and you need to start now. Most really smart kids are oppositional. They are very inquisitive and sometimes annoy others with their confrontational approach to things. That may never go away. My son is still very confrontational and still emotional and still a difficult child at times, but the anger is under control and that was more than half the battle. Feel free to email me privately if you have questions.

Babs in TX