I am going through my preop testing...and though I haven't lied outright, I haven't been completely open to my husband about my intentions to have the surgery. I told him I wanted to have the surgery several months ago... he just said that was rediculous, that I should just diet and exercize. He has always been negative about any kind of medical intervention for weight loss... about anything really. He sees it as being weak. I drop bits of info here and there that, I am seeing the doctor, how I am preparing for a major change in eating, etc. I think he knows my intentions and is almost afraid to ask.

I am a very independant woman. Noone tells me what to do when it comes to my health. He knows this about me and though I KNOW he will complain, he also loves this about me..that I am strong willed. My adult kids are very supportive as are my dearest friends and my dad.

My question is....will this be enough? Has anyone else had a spouse that didn't support their decision? If so how did they handle this?

UPDATE:

My husband and I were doing alot of yardwork with the kids...I was in agony. My joints my feet, etc. When we all came in the house I sat sweating, breathing heavy and finaly I started to cry. I couldn't help it. He asked if I was gonna be ok and I spilled!!! I told him I was in pain, and for the first time ever, I spilled how much I REALLY weigh and how often I hurt. He was shocked to hear my real weight and my true condition!!!! The kid's mouths dropped open too. I took this opportunity to talk about the procedure and the steps I have already taken. I am so glad I did.

My husband realizes I need to do something and supports my decision now. One of the previous posts here shared wth me the 2% success rate of those in my condition without WLS...he did not like those odds. This feels good and right and I am more ready than ever now!

You are all wonderful and I thank you.

kspeaker....I am thrilled to hear your husband is in the loop now and ready to give you the support you need!!!!! I suggest you keep him involved and educated. He loves you and he wants to know that above all else you are going to be ok.

Good luck on your journey, I wish you much success!!!!

~Monica

I think alot of people think that way, that it's taking the easy way out. It really isn't. Wait til he sees all of the hard work you have to go through, it will change his mind. He should be proud of you for taking any step towards getting healthier, not discouraging you. My boyfriend has been supportive since day one, and I am truly thankful of that because I couldn't have made it this far without his support.

I'm so glad that you were able to get that huge burden off of your chest.

Good luck with everything!!

My husband "seemed" supportive in the beginning. He said he didn't have a problem with it and wanted me to get healthy. Well, somewhere along the way, he changed. My family and my coworkers have been my support system. I started losing weight way before my surgery date and have lost a total of 63 pds since January.... surgery was April 8th. And not one single time has he mentioned my weight loss...and I've even asked him if he could tell I'd lost weight and he said NO. When I finally had enough, I confronted him about it. See.. he would watch The Biggest Loser and get all teary eyed at their weight loss... but nothing for me and I couldn't understand why. Finally he told me... that I could have lost the weight on my own. That he knows I'm happy about it, but he just can't get excited about it. I asked him did he think I would just gain the weight back... he said no, that I had "no choice" now, I'd lose it. But he said he never really saw me try to lose the weight on my own... so this was a form of weakness to him. He's never had a weight problem... he had a "faithfulness" problem, but not a weight problem. And with his unfaithfulness, I tried my best to forgive him and to save our marriage. But he couldn't have any compassion on me with my weight problem. Needless to say, we are now separated (for 2 wks) and I'm filing for divorce. I'm so happy for you all out there that have supportive husbands! Cherish them because they are truly blessings!

Ideere, sometimes divorce is the best weight loss of all.

Good luck with your wide open future... (I lost some dead weight through divorce almost 20 years ago and I've never looked back!)

kspeaker, I just bawled my eyes out reading your UPDATE! I know how painful it was for you to finally tell him your real weight.

If someone is 5 or 10 pounds overweight, sure, cut back, exercise more, that will work. But I don't think he really comprehends what people like us, who are obese, are dealing with when trying to lose weight -- and KEEP it off!

I could also feel your pain -- the breathing, the sweating, the aching joints. . . Hugs to you and so proud of you for taking this step!

Ideere,

You are brave as evidenced by taking this huge WLS step. Your bravery will carry you even further.

((BIG HUG ))

Edited June 5, 200917 yr by katwmn63

Thank you so much! You also are great support...and I sincerely thank you!!!

Im sorry to hear that you feel that the husband is non supportive in your efforts to lose weight anyway you can. I say talk to him and ensure you are both on board with everything before surgery.

I was banded on 5/29/2009

My husband is extremely supportive, however I do have some questioning family members. They are supportive but they are kind of weird about it, my grandma almost seems embarrassed that she has a granddaughter that needs a weight loss intervention. I brought all of my information when I went to see them on a recent trip but no one really seemed interested in looking at it, or talking about it. It kind of sucks that way, but I know that even if they don't understand it and really dont seem to want to TRY to understand it they still support me.........I think they are just scared at the surgery aspect. Maybe your husband is just scared but doesn't want you to know that he is