I've read numerous threads about people that have told others and if it doesn't go the way they imagined it, it's because the other person is jealous. Usually the person getting banded tells they're friends/family and if they themselves are big then they retalliate saying that it probably isn't the right thing for them. Then if the family member or friend is skinny the usual response I've heard is "Well why don't you just eat less and exercise more?" And it's so annoying, I can't believe some people are that small minded that they would even use that as an excuse.

So why do you think they react that way? Because they don't want the person to be happy or the probably better option is that they are jealous because they themselves want the surgery? (the bigger family member/friend that is)

I don't think you can generalize and pigeonhole people this way. If someone did that to you, I'd have to know the person to comment....people are all different and motivated by different feelings. It's just as likely to be fear or love as it is jealousy.

For me I've had mixed reactions. I think are friends and family that are heavy just aren't ready to make a committment that so drastically changes there relationship with food. And it's hard to deal with us now that we've made that change. And the thin ones just don't like the idea of the fat girl they look down there noses at being the same size as them. People aren't comfortable with change

I think most fat people derive comfort from comparing themselves to others and deciding "I'm not as big as her" or "I may be fatter, but I'm much better looking" and in the same vein, as long as someone else is struggling and failing to lose weight, it gives them some security that they're not the only ones. For someone to lose weight, its a big slap in your face about how YOU cant do it. And we eat up shows like Biggest Loser becuase its fantasy but we dont like to see it in reality.

I really do think its that petty. Not that people are overall so nasty and small minded, just that there's a small part of the (especially female) psyche that is competitive and works on that sort of formula. If my girlfriend suddenly lost 100lb, would I be thrilled for her? Yes, but if I'm completely honest I'd also lose one of my sources of feeling good about MYSELF. Now its not so intense for me and I'm adult and rational enough to show NOTHING but unconditional support for someone embarking on such a journey and not even think that thought consciously, but somewhere deep inside myself I'd be thinking that I'd have to find someone else to measure myself off.

Gosh, that sounds SO awful! But I think if we're truly honest, that's how women's egos operate.

One of our LBT members has a daughter who had the surgery in December. She was 18 when she had it (19 now), and one of her heavy friends told her if she had the surgery, she couldn't be friends with her anymore.

And that's exactly what happened.

I told the girl that if her "friend" felt that way, she wasn't really a friend to begin with and no loss.

But yes, I agree it's probably an almost exclusively female issue. I agree, Jachut, that if my friend lost 100 pounds, while I would be happy for her, I would also feel a tinge of jealousy or, as you said, lose a way of feeling slightly better about myself.

I don't think you can generalize and pigeonhole people this way. If someone did that to you, I'd have to know the person to comment....people are all different and motivated by different feelings. It's just as likely to be fear or love as it is jealousy.

If you read it again you'll see that I didn't say that everyone is like that, I realise there are people out there that are generally helpful and amazing when you tell them about the surgery - This is for the people that do get jealous or have a negative reaction to it.

It is almost an exclusive female problem . Men and women are competitive in different ways. Men don't want other men to have better cars or bigger TVs. Women don't want other women to be thinner or prettier. Case in point there's a girl here at my job. Very pretty girl on the thin side. A huge bitch. she and I don't get along well. She's the only person at work who said anything negative to me about my surgery. At least the only one bold enough to say it to my face. Well now she's pregnant , gaining a ton of weight and let me tell you it all ain't baby. I secretly take great pleasure in knowing that post baby I'm probaby gonna be smaller than her. Not the nicest thing in the world but hey I'm only human and she is really a bitch!