As most of you know, I was banded 5/12. Yippee! A few days before the surgery, I felt myself wrestling with a lot of emotions. I kept wondering if I was doing the right thing or if I was taking a way drastic step. I felt like I had never really given dieting a shot and should have tried a liquid diet (or something like it) before considering surgery. Of course, in reality, I have tried dieting here and there-low carb/Atkins, low calorie/low fat, phentermine...I always lost a little weight and gained much more back.

So, I think it was nerves trying to talk me out of the surgery last minute. I told myself that my insurance would never have approved the surgery if I didn't need it.

Post op, I honestly felt ashamed to be walking around the hospital recovering from a surgery that I needed because of my weight. (It didn't help that the care I received was less than superior.) The only other time I've been in the hospital before was to give birth to my two beautiful babies, so I guess it just felt wierd to be there and not have a tiny baby to show off. After you have a baby, people smile at you knowingly and say congrats, what are they suppsed to say to you after you have bariatric surgery?? Hope you lose weight?? lol

I guess it was at this time that I admitted to myself that I am obese. I always knew I was overweight and got bigger as the years went on, but I don't think I ever really let myself see just how big I let myself get. I guess that sums it up right there, I am embarrassed that I let myself get this heavy. I remember telling myself in high school that I wanted someone to shoot me if I ever got to 200lbs!

I've made this surgery such a secret too, only telling a limited number of friends and family, because I am too embarrassed. I just want them to see me after I lose weight and be surprised But keeping it secret has just added to the emotions I'm feeling right now I think. I feel like I can't let people know that I'm recovering from a surgery and may have a little pain here and there.

Anyway, I'm just venting but wondering if anyone else has experienced any of these emotions. Thanks :thumbup:

I could have written any of these posts, I so understand. I only told my family, and my three closest friends. It's embarrassing for me to be overweight. I haven't always been. I was a size 6 when I got married. After my first child, I gained 100 lbs due to medical complications, and it's been a fight ever since. Not to mention an ex-husband who suddenly turned my weight issues post-baby into a way to mentally abuse me. Then he undermined everything I did to try and get healthy again. It was an abusive, physically and mentally, relationship and I was very young. What confidence I had in myself, he completely destroyed.

After the separation and divorce, I was dealing with PTSD and severe depression, and the weight had been there so long at that point, it wasn't my focus. Just getting to the next day was my concern. I had a lot of therapy, a lot of anti-depressants, and made some life changes.

Once I started being able to handle all of that, I started being more active. I started taking riding lessons with my daughter. I was so, so happy! There was something in my life I looked forward to every week! I started losing weight, being more active, bought a horse of my own and was down about 50 lbs. Without even "dieting." Then I injured my back (four tears in 3 discs in my lower back) in April 08, and started having gallbladder problems. The weight crept back on. I was (and still am) unable to walk for more than 15 minutes at a time because of the back pain.

I was stuck in this vicious cycle of "exercise" "I can't because my back is killing me" "gain weight because I can't exercise" and round and round. After over a year of this, something had to give. My back isn't going to heal. I'm not a surgical candidate. I'm living on narcotics just to get through the day. If the lap band can help me lose weight, so there's less pressure on my back, hopefully that will relieve some of the pain and I can get back to my life.

I'm also afraid I've put too much pressure on "the band" because I need it to be a huge, huge help to me. Mentally I'm completely ready, and had a farily decent lifestyle and eating habits. But once depression kicks in, I go downhill fast. And unless I can break this cycle, my back has no chance of less pain, and I'm going to balloon into a 500lb woman who has no desire to live. And that is SO not who I am inside.

I still question whether or not I should have done this, and I'm a week post-op. I guess it being such a major, life-changing decision, we always second guess our judgement. I'm trying to take it just a day at the time, make good choices now and let tomorrow happen when it gets here.

You all have been an inspiration to me, and I cannot thank you enough for being here and for pouring out your hearts and your thoughts to strangers on a forum. I sincerely appreciate all of you! :grouphug:

GR, I know where you're coming from. I was thin when I got married the first time, and my wasband (as I like to call him) used to torment me about not gaining weight. Well, he was very abusive, and I ate for comfort. Then it just got worse from there. Within three years of marriage, I had put on 100 pounds. I became seriously, seriously depressed. I somehow got out of the marriage alive, but the weight has never come off completely. That was 15 years ago! Now I have so many health problems and take so many prescriptions, I have to keep a list in my wallet to keep track of everything.

I believe I've had every emotion in the book about having this WLS, and I keep coming back to the fact that I have to do this to get healthy. I had 8 doctors tell me so. That many can't be wrong!

Good luck to all of us! I'm glad to have found such a great group of people to turn to! :redface: