9/4/05

The past few days have not been very good for me. In fact the past two days havent stayed within the rules. I will admit to you all I have had apple pie, cookies, candy, and pepperoni sticks. I almost feel ashamed at myself. I have been so upbeat about my weight loss but I have those old feelings of not being worthy to have this good stuff happen. I have my first fill this Thursday and am so looking forward to it. It almost seems as if I dont have any stop to the amount of food I can eat lately. Im not overeating but I know if I let myself I would. That much I havent done. Im angry with myself. I so want this to work for me. I made a commitment yet I think I might be sabotaging myself. Anyone else get this way? Did the first fill help you to re-focus? Also something else strange has been happening. I just got over my period and my emotions are on a roller coaster ride. Before banding i would get this pre-mentrually. I am peri-menapausal. But all of this came before it started than after I would be fine. Now its all happening after. Have others had body changes after surgery? Oh im not looking for problems but its just that Ive hit a low and to some extent I feel so silly, so stupid. Im only about 5 1/2 weeks post op. Am I being too hard on myself? It seems like Im whinning but I sure am trying not to be. Just scared and looking for postive reinforcement. Please let me know how I can turn this around before I go another day.

Micki

Hey do not beat yourself up, we all have our bad days. None of us are perfect bandsters. I know I'm not but the key is to take it one day at a time and if you mess up today, there is tomorrow, just get right back up and start over. To answer your question, YES YES YES whenever I get a fill it is so rejuventating, it is like a brand new start. It re motivates me in a big time way. Your emotional rollercoaster is normal too post op...I remember crying all of the time the first few weeks, many others have done thesame thing. It gets better. Hng i nthere and I hope your fill rejuvenates you too

LaMadam,

As usual you are the voice in the wind. Thank you so very much for your thoughts and words they have truelly helped get me back on track and re-focused. Im gonna just relax follow the "rules" and look forward to Thrursday.

Thank you again. Will keep you posted.

Micki

Michelle is right - a fill always gives you a new start.

From experience, Ive realized that when I eat nothing but crap (high carbs, high calories, high fat foods) I actaully feel like crap. Bad mood, low energy, depressed, etc. I purge this stuff out of my system by drinking about 100oz's of Water, eat NOTHING but good foods, healthy stuff and high protien choices - usually the next day I feel better - and the cravings of the bad stuff dimish.

Takes a little self control.

Good luck, Thursday will be here in a flash!