I'm having many second thoughts about surgery. I had the epiphany last night that I'll never succeed in any kind of weight loss band or otherwise until I deal with my emotional eating. I had a terribly abusive upbringing and I eat to push down the feelings and the pain and I don't know where to even begin changing this. I'm terrified of getting this surgery and failing it because I haven't come to terms with my feelings. I have consulted a therapist and I'm willing to do the work to change this but I was wondering about some of your experiences.

How have you dealt with emotional eating and have you successfully overcome it? Did you deal with it before banding or afterward?

I think everyone that is obese and overweight has encountered some sort of emotional eating. Loosing weight even with a band is a very emotional journey. I am six days post op and I find myself on an emotional rollercoster. I have to continue to remind myself why I want to loose weight. You are correct in seeking out some treatment. Continue to research and educate yourself. Take the negative thoughts out of your mind and focus on all the positives that you would like to achieve. Today is day 8 on a liquid diet and I can't believe someone who loves food as much and I do could have made it 8 days with no food. I am scarred too. I'm scarred that when I begin to eat regular food that I might mess up. I am looking at my life now one day at a time. Each day that I have survived brings me closer to my goal which is to be healthy and feel like a normal person. Good luck to you and God bless

Set tiny little mini goals for yourself. Whatever you do, don't get overwhelmed at this point. That is a trigger. Set a small, acheivable goal, and work towards it. If you make it, reward yourself. For example. Go 4 days with NO snacks. At the end of 4 days, if you do good, reward yoursself with a bubble bath. If you make it a week with no water during meals, paint your nails. If you make all your exercise appointments for that week, rent a movie you've been wanting to watch. Baby steps. You have to convince yourself that YOU are worth it!! Many victims of abuse have a deep concern that they're not consciously aware of, that they do not measure up in some way. That they did something to deserve being abused. You didn't. But as a child, that's hard to sort out, and you've carried it with you. Now it's part of your psyche. The therapist will help with all this. He/She will give you "homework". Some will be devastating, but get through it you must. Ask around and find a GOOD therapist. It will change your life. You'll need the support after the band. It's okay to ask for help with this. It's not your fault.

In my pre-teen years, my mom married this very abusive man. That was hard enough to deal with, but what I felt more, I think, was that for the first time in my life, I felt deprived of foods and beverages. Not that we weren't fed, but the extras that I was used to were not there.

As an adult, I came to terms with the fact that an abundance of food represented success and power to me. If I could go out to eat and order whatever I wanted, I felt good.

I hope you do get to the source of your pain and problems. It seems like you are on the right track.

I worried too that I was not mentally prepared either, but I find each day that I am getting better at talking myself out of getting food just because I can. It's not perfect every day, but I know that without the band, I would be eating way more than this. I'm just saying, please don't throw out the surgery just because you think you won't be able to do it. I hope the counseling will help you sort things out, and together the band and counseling should bring you to a healthier place. If you want a buddy to talk about your abusive past, I'll always listen.

I wish you lots of strength and peace. Please take care. You can overcome this. :laugh:

Edited January 13, 200917 yr by SunnyRachel

Congratulations to you both for deciding to take control of your lives. Yes, I know that hadc still hasn't had surgery. This is a decision that I'm glad to see is being made with a lot of forthought and not just the old jump in and see if you sink or swim.

I agree with Aries32 and the statement that we all probably emotionally ate. Sometimes it's because of sadness but once we got going it probably happened for all of our feelings. It's normal for all of us to go through the doubts and "roller coasters" during this journey but fortunately they get to be fun roller coasters later. By that I mean that when you look at yourself in the mirror after loosing a bunch of weight or you find yourself in the normal or kid's section of the store it kind of takes you by surprise. I actually remember when I had to stop shopping the the "women's" section of the store. I stood in the isle and actually felt lost for a moment. I remember when I left double digit clothing. I stood there with a feeling that was akin to panic because I couldn't believe it was me and I had made it. Now it's frustrating because it can be hard to find clothes again. Who would have thought, huh?

I guess if you like to abuse yourself (it can be painful) you can overeat with the band. I find myself in stressful situations now not desiring to eat. Another one of those wow moments. I used to binge with the best of them. I can't say this will definitely happen to you but that's what happened to me. I went through some tough times because I had to realize I couldn't hide behind food during those times and had to find other ways to cope. With me it meant a strengthening of my faith and learning to talk about things. The good side of that is I was proud of myself because I found a way to deal with whatever came my way and not cover it with Rocky Road ice cream.

You will have to learn to deal with those social situations. You know the ones where there's food everywhere. It's not hard if you just prepare yourself ahead of time. By preparing yourself I mean think about it and decide what you are willing to give yourself permission to do. I have found that giving myself permission has given me a control over food that I never dreamed of. I don't expect myself to NOT EAT what some people consider forbidden foods. The only forbidden foods for me are the ones that aren't band compatible. I do/did count everything though. That meant that if I had a sliver of cheesecake, I was online looking up the calorie count of that sliver. Trust me, if you limit yourself to a certain amount of calories you'll soon decide what not to waste them on. I also learned to forgive myself if I wasn't really happy with myself for eating something that I probably shouldn't have. We as obese people beat ourselves mercelessly for errors in judgement. Think of yourself as a child or friend and how you would react to them eating Cookies. Keep yourself in check by saying that you can have ____ after dinner and eat right first. A lot of times this will fill you up and you won't want anything. I have bought deserts when we went out to dinner, had a small taste and brought it home only to forget about it and have to throw it away.

This journey is a roller coaster. I won't lie to you but after that first scarey drop it gets to be fun.

Good luck on your journeys and PM me if I can be of help.

Vicki

I'm having many second thoughts about surgery. I had the epiphany last night that I'll never succeed in any kind of weight loss band or otherwise until I deal with my emotional eating. I had a terribly abusive upbringing and I eat to push down the feelings and the pain and I don't know where to even begin changing this. I'm terrified of getting this surgery and failing it because I haven't come to terms with my feelings. I have consulted a therapist and I'm willing to do the work to change this but I was wondering about some of your experiences.

How have you dealt with emotional eating and have you successfully overcome it? Did you deal with it before banding or afterward?

I understand your dilemma. In an odd way, mine was similar. I never identified with the "push down the pain" thing because my childhood was fortunately blessed and free of abuse. I read over and over (on chat boards) about people who eat when they are sad or unhappy and that just wasn't me. I went to behavioral therapy for a year to figure all that out for myself. I do have "issues", of course, just not those. That's my point, I guess....a good therapist can help you get a handle on things regardless of what caused the behavior. My therapist Pat really helped me, and she's there still if I need her. Without her, I don't think I'd have ever gone on and gotten the band...too many "gray" areas.

You might want to try some therapy. You don't have to wait a year like I did (when I started going to Pat, my insurance did not cover the lap band anyway) but in conjunction, it could be really helpful to you. It was, to me.

the first 3 days after i got banded i cried. you have to relaize that food is no longer somthing you use for comfort. its somthing you NEED to live