When will people learn?

I'm really PO'd so I hope this makes sense......

I have very low (if any) self-esteem and it stems from my upbringing.

I love my family dearly, my Mom is the best but she is really screwed up in the head when it comes to certain things. She never has anything nice to say to any of her kids and me being no exception (I'm the youngest of 7). My entire life I've been fat and from the time I can remember I was always put down for it, this coming from every member of my family at one time or another.

I see my Mom every day b/c my sister who lives with her babysits my DD.

Almost every stinkin day, my Mom STILL!!! says something negative to me. If its not my hair, its my clothes, I look tired, or I cooked something wrong, I mean its always something.

She would say things like.... "gee, does your husband REALLY like your hair like that?" "does he every say anything to you about your weight" or "are you going to wear THAT to work today?, would you like to borrow something from me (yeah, like I'm gonna fit into a size 10 for crying out loud)" and here I thought I looked nice. She'd say "clothes should hang on you, don't show your rolls" (everything I wear IS a freakin tent as it is).

When I was younger, we've gotten into some pretty nasty fights so I've learned to just give her a look and walk away (I have jumped down her throat many time, so many times that you say to yourself, whats the sense).

The other day after work I went to pick up my daughter and she was napping in the bedroom. I decided to let her sleep a bit so I went in the living room so I wouldn't bother her. There I am sitting there on the couch and my Mom comes up to me, looks at my stomach and says, your fat, you need to go on a diet. So I said to her "NO SH*T SHIRLOCK" and I just shook my head.

I told my (heavy) sister the next day what she had said and my mom who was standing right there said to me, "well its better that it comes from your mother than a stranger" (WHAT THE???) I said "whats wrong with you, your my mother. I get treated better from strangers then my own family." THEN GET THIS !!!! she was cooking dinner and I was on my way out the door with my DD when she came running towards me with not one but TWO cheeseburgers on a plate. My head was about to explode... I said "no thanks Mom, I'm fat enuf REMEMBER!!!" Then she said "ohhhhh go ahead, eat it." I felt like saying a few other nasty things to her but I walked out.

She does this to my sister as well, she'll call us fat and then give us a greasy plate of food, like she wants us to fail.

Why do people thrive on hurting others?

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Hugs

My parents are both dead now, but they had similar problems communicating. In response, I tried to become the most perfect daughter there ever was. HA! People are flawed, we are not perfect.

Anyway, try this (compliments of lots of counseling):

Stop the conversation. Tell your mother what you see happening. Tell her how you feel about what is happening. Tell her what you want to happen. So, when she makes a comment about your fatness/whatever, say,

"Mom, it sounds like you think I'm fat.

When you say things like that, it hurts me in my heart.

Please do not say that to me again."

Repeat every time she makes such comments. Even if it takes your mom a while to get the picture, you will find that just being assertive and direct will make you feel much better about the situation. Saying your feelings out loud will help you stay in touch with yourself. If she persists in her behavior, then she is obviously trying to be negative and has a lack of regard for your feelings. Eliminate negative people from your life.....too much baggage to carry with you.

K