Hi, I had the Realize Band surgery in late May 2008. I have lost 66 lbs to date and I am feeling terrific about my progress. However, my current beau sees fit to comment on my weight all the time. It almost seems he is purposely trying to take the wind out of my sails. Despite several attempts at explaining that his comments seem unsupportive and are hurtful, he continues. Has anyone else encounter this difficulty? Any advice you can give?

Edited December 30, 200817 yr by Sweda7

I have never had this reaction from a partner--but grew up in a home where my dad was like that so I have zero tolerance. I say, dump him. You need support now more than you have ever needed it in your life. Just my opinion. In the meantime, find as much support in as many places as you can. hugs, kathy

You have to make it clear that such comments are not acceptable. If he still continues, then, yeah, I'd dump him. But make sure he understand you won't put up with that crap first. Sometimes that's all it takes.

Thank you gorgeous women! I was leaning in that direction. I don't think he actually realizes how short his tenure is.

Bless you both and much continued success....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

~Sweda~

Kathy,

Have you any idea of where that support may reside?

Thanks for any advice you can give.

~Sweda~

If he can't be supportive of you while you go through this, dump him! It will not change.

Where can you find support??? Do you have a local WLS support group you can attend? Maybe your dr could recommend someone in your area that could be a support person for you. It is always nice to have someone that can relate to what you are going through. Do you have a friend or family member close by that could be your support? Of course you have your online support right here!

Good Luck, I hope you can work through this and resolve the issue with your guy!

66 pounds since May is awesome. You need someone to give you positive reinforcement just like we all do.

Definitely tell him what is and is not acceptable to you . . . if you are not clear on that sometimes people don't take hints. He may even think he is being positive in trying to work as a coach with the stick instead of the carrot mentality. He needs to know that you need him to be supportive, period.

If you have talked with him and he still can't be there for you I agree that there is no point in keeping him around. Sometimes because of our battles with obesity we sometimes accept more negativity from people than we should or just make do with a situation that doesn't meet our needs. You are important, you deserve to be treated as a valued person.

There is wonderful support all around us. First thing--look in the mirror--there is your number one fan. And I believe there is someone to love each of us in the way that we are needed at the moment. Once we start radiating how we feel about ourselves, we find these people more quickly instead of attracting ones that can hurt us.

Also, I am active in Overeater's Anonymous. I feel like I have come home and the nicest people are at those meetings. Don't have to worry about having an AGB, it is an outside issue. Today I am going thrift shopping with an OA friend for transitional clothing!!!

What else? The people in my community--I volunteer at the library--and others who know me--cheer me on every time they see me. I have a chronic muscle condition so as much as the weight, we are celebrating my mobility and missing depression.

Last, but not least, I am blessed to have a long-time partner. Even though times have been rough off and on through the years, my partner has been supportive during this process and we are getting to know each other all over again now that I am helathier, happier, and more independent.

I forgot to mention. All these people are here for me during the hard times, too. The bloating, the food cravings, the stress..and on and on.

You will all find the same, I am sure of it, because we all deserve it. Hugs.

My husband has been supportive from the start, and even held me up when I started to panic about taking $$$$ from the rest of the family for me...we have 4 kids, so the money has to stretch a long way...when I was ready to cancel, he said, "No way, this is for all of us in the long run"...I say keep looking cause the REAL men, the keepers are out there, they're just fewer and farther between so it takes longer to find them...I wonder would this person make disparaging comments to a hearing impaired person learning to read lips or any other disabled person workiing to find a way to live despite their disabilities??? Got to wonder what's making him unhappy that would cause the reactions you're seeing...he may have some size issues himself?!?!?!?

Hope you can talk it out, get it worked out and find the support you need...maybe he just doesn't know how?????