I know during my pre-op meetings that someone, somewhere along the line talked about how our relationships change after banding. I didn't listen (though clearly I should have!) because I denied that it could ever apply to me. My boyfriend of nearly 3 years has been so utterly supportive of me in this venture. He is a great man and I love him with all of my heart. The problem? He's not looking to get married. I'm not getting any younger, and at some point I realized that I need to move on. It's something I've tossed around in my mind (and yes, discussed with him, too!) for almost a year now. I'm not a neophyte with relationships. I've had a lot of long term boyfriends, but have thus far never been married. I am not sure I want to have children, but at 36 and moving toward 37 soon, I realize my time to have kids is nearing an end. I don't want to ever resent being in a relationship with my boyfriend. So...we've decided it's time for me to start the process of moving out. It's over a month away--November 1st. We're still going on our scheduled trip to Aruba for Columbus Day weekend. Crazy? I suppose, but I'm not angry or bitter. He's looking as forward to this trip as I and I don't want to take that away from him.

I know I'm not ready to date yet, but I feel this bipolar thing going on. (Not to diminish the actual disorder.....) I am so excited by the prospect of moving out and eventually dating again. I haven't dated at this size since highschool. BUT, every so often I get that deep sadness.....I'm definitely not an outwardly emotional person, but I find myself tearing up at things I'll miss most about being with him.

In some strange way, I feel like the band is somewhat to blame for this. My self-confidence has grown immensely since being banded and losing weight. If I didn't have the surgery, I may very well have stayed until it was too late to move on. I do truly love him, but I need to finally put my own aspirations for a husband and family first. Has anyone else ended a relationship after banding? I don't feel comfortable talking about this with my close friends because none know I've been banded. My boyfriend is one of the only people I confided in.......Please tell me I'm doing the right thing by moving on. I've never felt so full of doubts in my life!!!:thumbup:

luvtoteech7, it sounds like you are doing so much better now. :0)

It was such an uplifting update. Life really does move on, it gets easier and later can even be so much more fulfilling. Thanks for the update.

What a great update, you're discovering yourself.. in ways you wouldn't have if you were still with the ex )

So I re-read this thread today to remind me of how far I've come. My ex and I no longer speak. Things got ugly--really ugly. He started dating another woman (yes, I did realize he would date...) around Thanksgiving and proposed to her on Christmas Eve. So, evidently he didn't have commitment issues, he just didn't want to be with ME. I spent my first 2 months in my new apartment trying to keep myself together...afraid if I stopped smiling, I'd never stop crying. I realize now that it wasn't him I missed in my life so much as it was that I was so sad that he didn't love me enough to want to be with me. I spent 3 months of sleepless nights--did I mention I've never lived alone?! I finally started working out at night, between 8 and 10, because it was the hardest time of the day for me to stay out of the kitchen and keep it all together. It also helped me sleep. I had a fill right after Thanksgiving. Between that time and New Years' Day, I lost almost 40 pounds. I realize it's far more than I'm supposed to lose, but I swear I did it in a healthy way. (Cooking for one just isn't any fun. Eating yogurt or pre-cooked turkey meatballs is just far easier when it's just me!) I also worked out for nearly 2 hours a day. I took some time off from the gym around New Years' on the advice of my surgeon.

My ex is now single again. (some things just have to make you laugh!) I spent Valentine's Day with my friends at a

Well teech, that sounds pretty rough. However, it has to kinda feel good to be vindicated......as it sounds like your ex was not the man you thought he was. Bask in the now. You've certainly landed on your feet.

So I re-read this thread today to remind me of how far I've come. My ex and I no longer speak. Things got ugly--really ugly. He started dating another woman (yes, I did realize he would date...) around Thanksgiving and proposed to her on Christmas Eve. So, evidently he didn't have commitment issues, he just didn't want to be with ME. I spent my first 2 months in my new apartment trying to keep myself together...afraid if I stopped smiling, I'd never stop crying. I realize now that it wasn't him I missed in my life so much as it was that I was so sad that he didn't love me enough to want to be with me. I spent 3 months of sleepless nights--did I mention I've never lived alone?! I finally started working out at night, between 8 and 10, because it was the hardest time of the day for me to stay out of the kitchen and keep it all together. It also helped me sleep. I had a fill right after Thanksgiving. Between that time and New Years' Day, I lost almost 40 pounds. I realize it's far more than I'm supposed to lose, but I swear I did it in a healthy way. (Cooking for one just isn't any fun. Eating yogurt or pre-cooked turkey meatballs is just far easier when it's just me!) I also worked out for nearly 2 hours a day. I took some time off from the gym around New Years' on the advice of my surgeon.

My ex is now single again. (some things just have to make you laugh!) I spent Valentine's Day with my friends at a singles' party. I've been dating as much as I possibly can--there are 3 meals a day, after all, and that doesn't even include coffee! My apartment is finally looking like I live here. I couldn't bring myself to decorate or even put up curtains initially, but I'm getting there. I'm training for a 5K in May. I'm meeting new people and making new friends. I am going back to Aruba for Memorial Day weekend--my reward for my first road race. :frown: I'm learning to love myself and appreciate men who admire me. I'm not looking to fall in love today, but you never know. Incidentally, I started individual counseling around late November, when I just couldn't seem to put my life back together on my own and didn't want to depend on whining to my friends any more. We all have limits. It hasn't been an easy journey, but my new life is finally mine. I control it. I appreciate it. I love it. The Lap Band hasn't just given me control of my eating--it's given me the confidence to go after what I want in life. It has allowed me to find what makes ME happy, not just create happiness by making others happy. I am not at goal yet. I'd like to lose another 40 pounds. When the time comes, I'll get there.....for now, I'm training for my 5K. Thank you so much to all of you who were supportive when I most needed it. I can't tell you how much it meant and still means to me. :w00t:

Hey gf!! Look how far you've come......w/out that JERK {if you don't mind me saying}. You've done great w/ your weightloss & it sounds like you like your place now :thumbup: . Keep it up hun!

Congrats on not only loosing 40+ pounds, but loosing a looser who didn't have the guts to tell you the truth. Now you have a whole new you, and the courage because you know you can make it on your own.

I'm laughing as I re-read this thread. I was bored and just looking through, reflecting on the past year of my life. (I just got a renewal notice for my apartment....)

I still haven't gotten to Onderland yet, but am working hard to do so. I've run two 5K races, rather than just doing the initial one in May that I planned. I competed in the discus (my college sport) in two track meets in June and July and eventually hurt my knee. I haven't been able to run since July, but am meeting with my trainer on Tuesday and keeping up with PT.

I spent yesterday with friends from growing up. We have an annual wiffleball tournament that is all eating and drinking, from early in the morning til late at night, and I had a huge "lightbulb" moment. (Think 120+ people with a bonfire, food tables and a farm!) I cannot believe how much more I enjoyed the party without the push of needing to eat everything offered. I'm still single (but dating up a storm!) so I didn't bring anyone with me....however, an old friend brought a few of her friends and I really enjoying getting to know one of them. I realize now how different life is without my ex. The winter was a truly transformative time, when I realized he was not the "man" I thought him to be, but a boy playing a role....I am still stunned to hear about his past and who he apparently really is. He has a criminal past and has tried to cut back his visitation with his two young boys. (After being with all of my friends' kids for the day, I can't imagine how any parent could do that....) Everything truly does happen for a reason.

I'm facing challenges and doing things I never imagined I'd do. I hate running still, but I LOVE the challenge of getting to the finish line and of wanting to better my time with each race. There will be more when the weather cooperates and my knee heals. If not for my leaving my ex, this life would not have been possible.

Thank you all for your encouragement. I shared with you things I never could have told my family or friends. (Incidentally, I've finally started telling people that I was banded!) I have learned to love being single and living alone. I am truly a better person for having had this experience. I'm still single and not any closer to being married BUT I'm enjoying being me....finding what makes ME happy and spending time with the people I love. When Mr. Right comes along, I'll be ready.

Wow, just read the whole post today. Great story. When you get married and I know you will......can we all come??!!

Congratulation on your journey.

Teech, You're truly an inspiring person :cool:

Couldn't sleep tonight and realized yet another year has passed since I last wrote on this thread. Wow.....where my life has taken me in such a short time!!!!

I'm dating the man I've waited a lifetime for. (Many pics in my profile if you're curious!) He's kind, thoughtful, generous, hard working, and sincere. Is he perfect? Absolutely not--but in my opinion, perfect for me. I love spending time with him, but still appreciate our time apart. He loves to eat as much as I do, and that has been quite a challenge for me. In the past year or so, I've had nothing but un-fills until today. I decided for a while that I wanted to really focus on the emotional and behavioral changes I needed to make, without relying on my band. I have a new goal now, though---even though I feel and look (in my mind) good, I'm still about 20 pounds heavier than I'd like to be, and nearly 40 heavier than the charts say I should be.

I had bunion surgery about 2.5 weeks ago. I have scheduled a tummy tuck and liposuction for December and my other foot for February. I can't wait for spring. (I plan to re-run my initial 5K-- WITH my boyfriend this time--and hope to crush my old time!!) I'll have new feet and a more comfortable midsection. I'm not looking for miracles, but hoping to feel more comfortable in my body.

I competed in two track meets this summer, too, but had to cut back on the running as my feet and knees were really bothering me. I've managed not to gain weight despite cutting back on the working out. I've committed myself to hitting 199.9, if only for a few fleeting seconds, before my Dec. 14th plastic surgery date. Incidentally, that will be 2 days past my 3 year "bandiversary". I remember my surgeon telling me that my first two years were most important and I entirely disagree. I've worked harder in my 3rd year---examining my thoughts about food, making behavioral changes, and refocusing my energy on working my tool than in the first two. I'm hoping to be engaged by this time next year. We've been talking seriously about wedding plans, venues, and guest lists already....and about having a family. My boyfriend has the most AMAZING, loving, caring family. I enjoy spending time with all of them. I would choose his sister as a friend if we hadn't met this way. It feels so great to be embraced and appreciated by such fantastic people. (A dramatic contrast from my ex's family!)

This journey hasn't been easy, but it has been worth every bit of effort it has required.

As a side---my ex is living with a woman and just had yet another child. (It warms my heart to see that they're both well over 100 pounds overweight....but that's the old fat girl rearing her ugly head in my mind....) She's ok with not being married. It just affirms my choice to leave. (As if I needed further affirmation?!) I don't want that life. I've been tremendously stubborn in holding tight to my own dreams....and I've never felt closer to attaining all of them. I'm thankful for the tremendous support that you've all provided. I hope you're all doing well in the journey, too!

And now........

So much has happened since August!!!

I had emergency surgery right before my scheduled TT. My band was "unclamped" due to slipping. It's been hell since then. I've gained about 35 pounds since the day of surgery, though I was down 20 on the day of surgery because I wasn't able to keep anything down for about 2 weeks. (One of those weeks spent in the hospital with no food, water, ice--anything!) I had my 2nd foot surgery as planned, but never did have my TT. I got ENGAGED earlier this week. We're moving forward with wedding plans, but I'm petrified about my weight. My surgeon has been a complete jerk. He hasn't re-clamped my band because I gained weight. After 3 successful years of being banded, this has been a tremendous loss. I'm working on re-gaining control. I have 6 more weeks before I can even start walking on a treadmill because of my foot. Not working out has been hard, and not having my band to restrict portions has been hell. So.....while my band situation really sucks, the rest of my life is moving forward. I'm hoping to have surgery to repair the band in the next few months. I'm also hoping to get pregnant as soon as I'm married, so maybe it's all for the best......I knew leaving my ex would be the best thing for me and I am pleased to say......I was right. Life is good. Hope you're all well!