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last week i started getting sick and couldnt eat or drink. over the weekend it got to the point i couldnt swallow my spit. monday i went to the doctor and had a complete unfill. have to stay empty for a month. i have never needed to take anything for heartburn/acid reflux. after my last fill i was really tight. belly juice ended up irritating things to the point i was basically swollen shut. i felt almost instant relief when they pulled the Fluid.
i am having the hardest time being empty. all i can think of are all the things i havent eaten for the past 10 months that i could eat now. burgers, pizza, chinese, bread. i thought i had a better grip on my head then this! even on the way home from the doctor's office i was losing my mind. now its been a few days and i have had some slips, to say the least.
this week is our county fair. we are so busy running around and we dont home until late. we have been eating in town or at the fair. and i making the stupidest choices. then i go home and cry. i once again have fallen into my whole "well, i screwed up today so might as continue and start again tomorrow" mode. i was doing so much better with that. and i find myself just mindless eating.
today i seem better though. i attribute that to being able to take my antidepressant again. those days i couldnt get anything down i couldnt take it. and i just realized last night i hadnt started again. so i took one last night and can already notice the difference in my appetite and mind set. today i have done much better not eating crap all day. i had a string cheese for a morning snack and then i ate the meat/cheese off a sandwich. i am sitting here just pissy though because i know i ate prolly 3 times more of the sandwich fillings then i normally would/should.
i was thinking of taking an appetite supressant until i can get filled again, but dont know if i really want to start down that road again either.
i am just having a much harder time then i thought i would and it makes me feel weak! like i am so pathetic i cant control myself any better then this for a month! i mean, come on now, a month! i dont know what to do with myself.... i need a good kick in the buttocks, maybe a slap or two to the face to snap me out of this crap i am in!