Well, it's time to fess up. A year later, I've started with the old eating habits again. I'm doing the candy thing, movie popcorn and icees, fried foods, no exercise. My weight has flucuated 5 - 10 lbs. but now it's creeping up one lb. at a time. It's time to stop. This morning I was 15 lbs. more than my lowest band loss. I must be crazy to sabotage myself like this. I know the problem is in my head but I just don't get it. The band is not the problem. I have great restriction and can basically eat whatever I want just small portions. I was self-pay and that was my motivation for a long time. But now...how do you get motivated again?

Hey Jazlady! First of all congratulations with your weight loss. I'm also afraid of getting to goal and then getting right back into my old habits. It's nice to know I'm not alone...I however have a ways to go to get close to goal.

My biggest tip - don't buy the junk. I buy it, I eat it! I still buy some junk food (DH and the kids would for a revolt if they didn't have a little something to snack on). However, I have more healthy food (fruits/veggies) than I do junk in the house.

Second - Do you have a before picture you HATE of yourself? Tape it to the refrigerator or pantry or wherever you can see it. I have one on my freezer - it helps me say NO to icecream..

As for the exercise. I have to make myself. I have a walking buddy now that hold me accountable if I try to back out. DH also makes me feel really guilty on days I feel lazy. He reminds me of where I was before and brags on how great I am doing. I love that guilt! If not for them, I'd be on the couch after work with chips and ice-cream. The exercise really helps me burn off frustrations with work, DH, kids and all the things that drive me crazy!

Good luck to you! I'm so proud of you for all of your hard work and success.

I have also always sabatoged myself. The only thing I can think of is that I need to get things right in my head or no amount of surgery will help me....

I feel like I am floundering as well. I am ten months in and have totally lost my focus. I had garlic wings and pepperoni pizza (with ranch dressing no less) for supper and washed it down with a rootbeer float. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I don't eat like that often (in fact almost never) but it scares me crapless that I want to eat like that always. So far I have been able to curb the behavior but it's getting tough. My dr's tough-as-nails attitude makes me uncomfortable asking for guidance. Maybe I'm not really willing to admit that I need help either. Oh I KNOW I need help alright but I don't/can't bring myself to ask for it. I am certain that I have gained a few pounds but won't step on the scale to prove it. I was feeling like maybe I was alone in this dismal place, at the very least I am comforted to know that there are other people who are in the same boat. I think half of the battle for me is being aware of my self-sabotaging ways. Now I just need to find a way to fix it before it gets out of hand.:thumbup:

I was banded in Aug.08. I lost 30 pounds before my fill, but since I have only gained. I went in for a fill but felt as if I should be punished. I admitted it was my fault and got another fill. That was months ago, I still eat like a horse and am still gaining weight. I am afraid to go get another fill. The doctor will probably get mad.

I am not usually a shy or "silly" person but losing the weight scares me.

Being Honest...

At first I did not journal the bad stuff I ate. Then I said, be honest, write it all down and then maybe I will make myself accountable. Alas.... no.... that did not help. My journal is only longer now. What the heck is wrong with my head?????

I actually feel like I am in that movie "Groundhog Day", every day I wake up with resolve, eat right until about 2-3pm, and then I would chew my own arm off if it were made of chocolate... Geez, could my current life and future health be worth a little bit of chocolate everyday (okay, maybe more then a little bit of chocolate)... HELP!!!!

I know what you are all talking about because I am there too. I am really mad at myself. I worked so hard to get this surgery and now I am blowing it! On the good side, I have lost 30 pounds. But just 3 days after my second fill I ate uncontrollably. I think it was because I was so upset that I wasn't full on a half cup of chicken breast and refried beans. So I ate a little more and then some more and then said, "I just won't eat dinner". But I did eat dinner. I ate until I physically hurt. So today I am back "on the wagon" but am afraid that I have probably stretched my pouch out too much. Because this is not the first time I have done this. I have heard of the 5 day pouch test, but haven't ever tried it. Does anybody else know about this? Does it work? And if anybody can tell me if I have stretched my pouch, can I shrink it back? And how would I do this? Thank you to anyone who can help as I am pretty disappointed in myself.

leslie2lose, great idea about the pic

Being Honest...

At first I did not journal the bad stuff I ate. Then I said, be honest, write it all down and then maybe I will make myself accountable. Alas.... no.... that did not help. My journal is only longer now. What the heck is wrong with my head?????

I actually feel like I am in that movie "Groundhog Day", every day I wake up with resolve, eat right until about 2-3pm, and then I would chew my own arm off if it were made of chocolate... Geez, could my current life and future health be worth a little bit of chocolate everyday (okay, maybe more then a little bit of chocolate)... HELP!!!!

i'm feeling your pain, Molly! I too can do just fine until 2-3pm!!! What the heck??? I was 204 one year ago and today I am 215...this has taken me a long time to admit, but I'm going the wrong way. I lost all 49lbs (started at 253 and made it to 204 in 5 months) BEFORE my first fill!!! Nothing happened for about a month, so i got fill #1...NO difference. Then I finally got fill #2 after about 5 more months and I have slowly gained 11 lbs since then. I eat like a freakin horse and almost nothing gets stuck. I have to eat slowly, but I put down ALOT! And of course, icecream, chocolate and Cookies are NO problem at all. I paid over 18,000 dollars for this surgery and I just thank God I have a good husband who isn't hanging it over my head that I'm gaining. I feel like such a piece of crap failure! I want to get another fill, but we are SO in debt from all this in the first place that I can't even afford one...part of me doesn't want to pay for one anyway since the first two did nothing! My surgeon left the hospital where i had surgery and so did the head of the weight loss program...The dude that did my last fill was SO mean! I don't want to go through that again either. I really want to find someone else that can do my fills. i don't even know where to start. I'm losing my mind...starting to think that I'll be fat forever. I changed my goal weight a couple weeks ago. I just knew I'd be below 200 like a YEAR AGO!!!!!!!!! Now I'd be happy to be 199!

Raysbabe,

Here here on the good husband.... Mine has been wonderful our entire marriage. He is faithful, doesn't criticize me or my weight, or our lack of sex, and was totally willing for me to have the surgery (lap-band, but he was against the bypass because of the mortality rate). I do thank God for him every day. He will clean, participate in anything I ask, but I usually have to ask......

I do kind of wish he would get on my ass a little bit about what I eat (not the cost of the surgery). I would like him to set some boundaries for the both of us, I would like him to help and take charge of our healthful eating/exercise, kind of like how I have to take charge of everything else. I hate taking charge all of the time. Sometimes I think that I control everything in the world except my weight. Like I use all of my control everywhere else that there is nothing left over. I juggle a career, church youth group, church fundraising, all household matters, finances, etc...

I know it sounds like I am complaining about him. I really shouldn't, he has a good job, is a great father and husband, and lord knows me and our daughter can be, shall we say, complicated....

Anyway enough rambling... What are we going to do about this? Obviously sitting here and complaining about it isn't working... Short of sewing my mouth closed, advice, anyone?????

Hi Molly Brown. I just want to tell you that you are one very lucky lady concerning your husband. My husband was horrible to me about my weight. Now that I've had the surgery and am losing weight, he is the food police. It really makes me mad. And he expects me not to mind when he brings home Dairy Queen for our sons and himself and they eat it in front of me! My sons will at least leave the room, but my husband has no mercy. He does have other redeeming qualities, he's not an ogre. But when it comes to my weight he definitely is not a nice person. So when hubby comes home tonight, give him an extra big hug.

Pam

Pam,

That would be grueling for me to watch too... I do love my husband, and I know I am blessed everyday that I have him. He struggles with his weight too, but he only has to put half a mind to losing weight and it falls off him. His struggle (other than keeping it off) is exercise. That is where I kind of wish he could step up and mandate for the both of us a healthier way.

Years ago, before I met my husband, I was engaged to this strapping, athletic, eat like a horse, thin guy... Of course I struggled with my weight back then too. He would eat enormous amounts of food every day and it would run through him. He would get on my case, alot as a matter of fact, and then I was 70 pounds lighter than I am now. So you are right, I should praise my hubby every chance I get...

How are you doing with your weight loss journey?

i guess my next step is finding a different doctor to do my fills...i'm just depressed about it...nothing can be easy, huh???

It seems that way. Nothing ever does seem to go as smoothly as I'd like. But as far as fills, I've learned to speak up for myself. If you do not like your dr, by all means find another one. I don't know where you live, but even if you have to drive a ways to find the right fit with a dr it would be worth it. I have to drive more than an hour to see my surgeon. He has a terrible personlity, but he is just so darned good at what he does that I tolerate it. When I had my first fill it seemed as though nothing had been done. He told me I should give it at least a week before I felt anything. I didn't feel like I'd had a fill at all, so he had me come back for another fill. Keep in mind I had to take off work, drive more than an hour to get there, and then wait more than an hour to be see. But it was so worth it. I lost about 10 pounds in 10 days and have kept it off for a month so far. And hopefully more weight will keep coming off. What I'm trying to say is that we have to stand up for ourselves. If we don't like something we can speak up and say so. We paid them. They have to provide the service to us. Something you may want to try is calling the hospitals in your area and ask them if they can recommend somebody to you for a fill. It's worth a try. Your regular dr may even know of a dr you can try. Good luck and let me know what happened. The fill is sooo important for our success. You've come this far, might as well go the distance. Good luck!!

Pam

It seems that way. Nothing ever does seem to go as smoothly as I'd like. But as far as fills, I've learned to speak up for myself. If you do not like your dr, by all means find another one. I don't know where you live, but even if you have to drive a ways to find the right fit with a dr it would be worth it. I have to drive more than an hour to see my surgeon. He has a terrible personlity, but he is just so darned good at what he does that I tolerate it. When I had my first fill it seemed as though nothing had been done. He told me I should give it at least a week before I felt anything. I didn't feel like I'd had a fill at all, so he had me come back for another fill. Keep in mind I had to take off work, drive more than an hour to get there, and then wait more than an hour to be see. But it was so worth it. I lost about 10 pounds in 10 days and have kept it off for a month so far. And hopefully more weight will keep coming off. What I'm trying to say is that we have to stand up for ourselves. If we don't like something we can speak up and say so. We paid them. They have to provide the service to us. Something you may want to try is calling the hospitals in your area and ask them if they can recommend somebody to you for a fill. It's worth a try. Your regular dr may even know of a dr you can try. Good luck and let me know what happened. The fill is sooo important for our success. You've come this far, might as well go the distance. Good luck!!

Pam

thanks, Pam...i'm going to try to call around tomorrow and see if i can find some different docs in the area.

Sigh... I totally understand what you mean about Groundhog Day! Everyday I tell myself I am going to start fresh and what do I do??? I sabotage myself... Chocolates at work.. Cookies at home... ice cream... pizza... baked potato slathered in butter and bacon... I despise myself for it, yet I keep on doing it.

A week after my 4th fill I finally got down to 60bs lost. I was so happy! I didnt get my first fill until 6 months after my surgery due to insurance issues so I'm kinda behind the ball, so to speak. In the last 2 weeks, i've put back on 3 of those pounds. I know it doesnt sound like alot, but it frustrates me to no end that I have no self control! ...and when I dont eat what I want, I feel bad. Punished. Deprived. Sad and guilty that I cant stop thinking about food. What I can eat and what I cant.

I should feel happy that I have lost 57 pounds, but it has been so slow going and such hard work. The depression just makes it worse because then I feel like its all a waste and why not just gorge myself on crap. Sigh...

Sorry for the long pity me reply... i'm just having a hard week.