Okay,

Went to my primary today and he's a pretty busy doctor and guess what? I'm his first lap band patient, okay only lap band patient.

I went to discuss possibly going back on Metformin again because I had gained back all the weight I lost prior to surgery (25 lbs). I don't know if I broke my ticker or not, I think it's a little depressed though:huh2:.

After speaking with the diabetes group here and also the PCOS group some thought that the Metformin might help but as my doctor pointed out when I was on Metformin prior to surgery it didn't affect my weight so why would it now. He wrote me a script for complete blood workup though.

Anywho :sad: tomorrow morning I meet with my surgeon for the second time since my surgery 8/07 and will be discussing my issues/probs and see what we can come up with. If I hear try another fill I may :eek:. My doctor thinks that since I still have the weight, the diabetes, the thyroid prob, PCOS, the sleep apnea that maybe I may possibly be a candidate for a reversal and/or gastric bypass. I wish he would call the surgeon and tell him to:smile2:.

I had those few fill problems in the beginning with no fill because they thought I had the small band and then the 10 hour vomiting festivis (sp, from Seinfeld) and that was on 3/11 and haven't seen the surgeon since. He's a busy guy too and it's hard to get to see him for an appointment these days. So I'm going to ask for a flouroscope (sp) or whatever they can do to actually take a looksee at it in case it was damaged in some way or moved. Not that was the only time I have vomited but it was a major event.:tongue_smilie:(that's the closest one I could find to looking like it was getting sick).

So wish me luck tomorrow, I've been a bit :sad: for a while and don't want to give up but it's very depressing:sad::sad::sad::sad: and it's also:blushing: embarrassing. I feel like people must think I'm such a reject because I went through all of this to get the band and totally F'd it up!:frown:.

I wish I could be like the rest of you and go through this with flying colors, I didn't expect a quick loss but I expected a loss and only gained:sad:.

So anyway I talked long enough and I'm sure you all are pretty :thumbup: so I'll go now, thanks brandyII.

Brandy, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with this. I know the surgeon is busy but you need to have a good talk with him. Are you even feeling any restriction? From what I understand is that until you have proper restriction, you can't easily lose any weight. Was the last fill too much and that's why you vomited for so long or did you have a stomach bug? Did you get an unfill? If so, was it too much? Maybe just get a smidge more instead of the amount you got before? I'm just guessing here (and trying to help). You'll notice by my sig and avitar that I'm not banded yet. I'm just thinking of the things that I've been reading on here. I wish you the best.

Brandy, I am so sorry you are having such a rough time especially when it does seem that everyone else is having great success. Well, I am barely hanging in there. From my first weigh-in to surgery I gained 6 lbs. I lost 12 lbs right after surgery only to gain 5 lbs back. Luckily last fill I had eaten and kept my clothes on because today on my scale I had gained 5 lbs again. I had lost 5 lbs on theirs because it was at 7:30 this morning. I didn't even take a drink of Water before going and off came most everything to weigh.:tongue_smilie:

I don't think you are a failure. We all have a food addiction. I can feel really bad but if I have something sweet (especially if I get whipped cream too) it gives so much pleasure for that instant.:frown: Hurting, lonely, angry. It soothes like any drug for that short time.

I will hate to loose your presence here if your option will be to leave. I have enjoyed your posts. Mainly I want you to be happy with yourself. You seem such a nice person with a lot to give to others. I hope you will always know you are a good person and what can be better than that? Good luck. I look forward to hearing how things are going.:thumbup:

Tina

heartfire,

I have had restriction, my first was three months after surgery and then I had them but it only worked on the Proteins etc... and still crave the sweets. When I exercise for some reason I get hungrier. I guess part of it is PCOS and part head hunger but because I have no problem eating sweets they go right through the band. My metabolism is very screwed up anyway so even if I don't eat a ton I can look at cake and I might as well have eaten it. chocolate, Cookies, chips, cakes, goes right through the band and I guess I should have had the gastric bypass because then I would have had "dumping" and would have avoided them possibly.

My vomiting was because they thought I had less saline in the band and put in one too many cc's. Now I know to go to the doctor right away if you have to pull over into a church to vomit Water on the way home! I was vomiting my own saliva at home for ten hours, no water, saliva, and called the service and a surgeon met me down at the office and took some fill and that's when she found out the nurse wrote down the wrong amount and hence put too much in.

I have also vomited like a lot of people if they ate Protein too fast or something else that needs to be eaten slowly and chewed well but I tend to be better at that now.

After I gained the first ten pounds I asked the fill nurse if I could just go on a liquid Protein diet again for a while to lose it but she said no I had to get the fill and eat the protein and stretch out my pouch.

Anyway that's why I made this appointment with my actual surgeon because he always told me because he knew I had problems sometimes with the fills I got from the nurse that he would do them for me it's just harder to get in to see him.

I've never had a stomach bug since the lap band, thank God! and vomiting is so much easier now because it comes from a higher place, well okay it's different and not as gross how bout that!

I'm sure you'll do fine, most people do, so good luck to you, I'm just in a holding point right now so that's about it, thanks brandyII.

Thanks taz you're very sweet. I've tried to hold on as long as I could and kept saying, I'm not giving up but it's getting harder. Today my doctor told me, and he is very nice and he's been my primary for about 17 years that I need to speak to the surgeon honestly and said seeing him today was my kick in the pants to get things going and not give up on myself whatever direction that takes me. He said he still wants to see me down to 145 pounds one day and I just laughed. Probably not even a healthy BMI right? Anyway thanks again, I just really wish that things will move down instead of up! Keep up your good work and thanks again for the nice thoughts, brandyII.

Hang in there, Brandy II. The most important thing is your health. I enjoy reading your posts, too.

Hey, do what ya gotta do. You don't owe any of us an apology. And I don't think you'd have to leave this board, no matter what you decide to do. Information is knowledge is power, so let everybody here in on what you're going through. Good luck.

Thanks guys,

Didn't mean to sound like a poor poor pitiful me but I'm a bit tired of it all and have to face the surgeon tomorrow and trying to figure out the right things to say and figure out what to do etc... Damn I wish it worked as well as some peoples have, maybe it's mental who knows.

From what I've come across on this forum in general, as a newbie to forums there's a lot of good people here but there are a couple that will beat you till you die, do you know what I mean. So in some ways I almost have to be careful when I talk about probs or I'll be made fun of somewhere else, it's kind of scary when you read some of the stuff people have said out there, but hey it's a free country or is it? I don't know but it isn't cheap, thanks again, brandyII.

Brandy, let us know what happens today. Been thinking about you and wishing you the best knowing you've got your appt today. Hope he had some helpful ideas. And thanks for answering all my questions yesterday. I was throwing a whole bunch of stuff out there to try to help. :glare: Take care.

Thanks heartfire,

My husband came and met me there so I had some support which was nice. Basically I'm the only bad apple in the whole bunch because he has never had a patient gain back the weight like I have. I told him that I guess he wouldn't be featuring me in his "posters" unless it's a don't let this happen to you or something like that.

Anyway I basically learned that the band is a tool, lol. I know I'm laughing but I had too hard of a time following "the program" and so we came to a kind of compromise. I asked him to remove a lot of my fill, went down from 4ccs to 2ccs and am going to start the Weight Watchers program and that way with less fill if I feel like I need to stuff my face I can eat more of the healthy low cal stuff and not puke them back up and then go back to sweets like I had done.

I needed to do something because my head is all screwed up from not doing a good job but I knew if he didn't take out any fill I would continue on the same path I was on.

So I'm hoping with just 2 ccs I will be able to eat more of a salad etc...and maybe even a piece of toast and follow their points program.

If all else fails he said then we can talk about gastric bypass but I don't want that either, I mean I've gone this far I can try a new method with the band and eventually maybe get more restriction or less restriction depending on how I do. He's not sure if even gastric bypass would help me but jeese, it makes me feel like I'm a totally hopeless case in some respects.

I guess the sweets would go down easily with me because they're mainly fat and that's what made it easy to eat, plus they kind tasted good.

So anyway I guess I pretty much am not the prize pupil of lapbandology but I'm not giving up and will try this for now.

Thanks you guys, you've all been so nice and I know I've been a pain. brandyII.

Brandy,

I'm so glad you're appt went well and you two were able to come up with a plan. That's got to feel good on some level.

It does sound like you need to get your head on straight about the sweets. Sounds like you figured that out today. Is there a way to talk regularly to the nutritionist or maybe even the psychiatrist who did your eval? I know mine gave me his card so I could call anytime I needed to talk. I'm wondering if writing down everything you're feeling when you want to start eating the sweets would help. It would at least slow you down and then you could go back later and maybe some kind of trigger might pop out at you. Then you could work on the trigger.

Sheesh! Sorry if it sounds like I'm analyzing you. Maybe I should have gone to school after all!! Ugh! You can tell me to shut my trap. It won't hurt my feelings. I know I talk too much!! :Dancing_biggrin:

I do worry about how down on yourself you sound. I know you've been having a really hard time but you aren't a failure. I have worked for years on stopping the negative talk that I give myself. I can tell you that I still do it but I feel so much better for having stopped most of it. We are our own worst critics. No one can be harder on us than ourselves.

Okay, I think I'm done for now! Seriously, I know I don't know you except for some writings on a message board, so I will stop if you tell me to. I do only want to help and wish the best for you. (Me and my armchair psychiatry!) :glare:

Hi heartfire,

I have a therapist to talk to who probably would have been a much tougher screener than the psych eval that I got through the surgeon's office.

She knows I have issues, my dad was an alcoholic and as we all know that is another issue that can go on forever. When he died he had a heart attack and was actually clutching onto a glass of scotch when he had it and they had to pry it out of his hand after they found him dead on the floor. There's not much of a line between alcohol and sugar if you think about it.

I felt like I needed a jump start and starving myself wasn't the kind of jump start that would work for me. I think if my surgeon had said, yes you are not doing well on the band and we'll talk about gastric bypass now I would have gone with it because I would have seen it as an option that would have been easier. I know you think that's crazy but it's true!

Anyway since my daughter is getting gastric bypass next month I met with her nutritionist and she was really nice and offered to meet with me or email etc... I get to go through all the pre-op stuff all over again with my daughter so it helps too to relearn certain things.

I've been a Weight Watcher since 1973 or 1972, and probably haven't been in about 4 years but still know basically the point situation and have all my books. I may join or see if I can just follow it on my own. I haven't completed decided yet but I meet my surgeon in a month and hopefully my ticker will start to move!!!! I want to love my band like everyone else here, but I think we'll just be friends for a while first! Thanks brandyII.

Good luck, Brandy, with Weight Watchers. It is a very good program. I also have been a member since 1976 and a lifetime member since 1981. It is the only program I had any success with. Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing. :blushing:

Tina

Thanks Tina,

Never quite made it to "lifetime" that's pretty darn good if you did! Do you follow it now and still go to meetings? Actually it's cheaper than going to my doctor's office to get weighed, now that I think about it. My sister-n-law lives near me and started going again, like everyone does at sometime and asked me to join her and her friend so I may do that. Thanks again, Nancy.

I try Weight Watchers every once in a while. I started back a couple weeks ago but had trouble getting there again. There are quite a few here in Memphis who go. Just a little more support each week. I like it and will go again soon. It is just a very good program. In the past I would lose but then I would gain it back. Maybe it will work out that you can lose and then get a fill later if you feel you will gain it back. I just think it will work better for me if I can get a working restriction. :blushing:

I hope to hear from you soon.

Tina

Tina,

No wonder you're so nice you're from Memphis, not that I've been there but watch a lot of travel type shows and it looks like a nice area to live. I'm just lucky where I live that I don't have good southern food! I'm up north in a small town area and I'm used to living in a metropolitan area, near DC where there were great places to eat everywhere. I watch a show called Nealy's BBQ on food Network and I live vicariously through it, lol! Thanks, Nancy.